And Now
by ellabby
Summary: AU. OC. Tara got away from Charming with the boys while Jax was sentenced to 20 years. It's his release day and he has a whole lot to catch up on.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! I'm new to Sons fanfiction but not to the show. I still can't believe it's over. Anyways, I was inspired to write this after majority of the main characters didn't get such a happy ending(depending on how you look at it haha) Also by season 6 when Tara told Jax of having a little girl. I loved the idea of there being a baby girl Teller.**

**It's a time jump, 2026. With everyone still alive.**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Jax POV**

The familiar lumps of my pillow, or lack there of, did little to comfort me as the anxiety of my release coursed through my veins.

20 years.

I could make it sound like things hadn't changed, or I hadn't changed, but in reality I knew I was walking out into a whole new world. I'd been transferred a few times and a few extra scars littered my torso.

The last time I saw my family, was looking over my shoulder before being cuffed and escorted out of my house. Tara and I had been 32, with our kids all around us in the kitchen. That night had played in my head every chance I would let it for the past 20 years. The look of disbelief and fear in Tara's eyes stung me to my core. The cries of my boys while their mother did her best to shield them from me.

A mechanical buzz rang out, jolting me back to reality. I shook it off and stood up to wait for the guard to unlock my cell. His eeiry smirk while he unlocked my door made me roll my eyes. Silver cuffs were slid onto my wrist before being lead down the hallway.

"Your things have been here and there over the years. Don't be surprised if things got lost in the mix. Contact your local authorities to fetch it and you'll get them back." The guard rolled off mechanically while handing me my clothes, rings, and knife from 20 years ago. I held up my white t-shirt and smirked, it smelt like moth balls but its fabric was so comforting. The guard left me to change back into my clothes. The shirt was a tad tight and I knew I looked ridiculous in the baggy jeans I had donned back in the day. But I felt a little more at ease.

I looked into the mirror and grimaced a bit. Long gone were my blonde locks, it, along with my beard, had been replaced by gray. My tired blue eyes were unrecognizable. Sighing, I grabbed the rings and slid them in my pocket. I was 52 goddamn years old and I did not want the reminder of why I was here to be on my knuckles.

"Jackson Teller," A young lady in a suit poked her head in the door, she grinned at me and waved for me to follow. "I have your papers at the front. Your mother is there waiting for you with some friends." The way she said friends made me realize my mom had brought the club along with her.

Panic arose in me. I'd be reunited with all of my past all at once. All of the truths I had refused to acknowledge while in prison. I paid the price for my ties to the club and I was still so unsure of what I wanted. The lady rattled off basic rules for me to follow. Parole this, check in here, do that. But I couldn't make myself focus on the words pouring out of her mouth.

When the doors opened to the outside world, I broke into a sprint. I ran straight into my fragile mother's arms and squeezed her. "Mom," I choked up. "My baby, hi!" She had tears in her voice also. We pulled back and I got a glimpse of the guys. Chibs, Bobby, and Tig all rocking their leather cuts. They had tears in their eyes also as I hugged each of them. Then I just about attacked Opie, he hadn't been able to visit the past couple months because of club shit. While I was inside, no one really kept me up to date with what was happening. I didn't want to know. "So, uh, I have something to tell you." Opie squeezed my shoulder just as my eyes were meeting newer, younger faces. And a miniature version of me was staring me dead in the eyes.

My jaw dropped as my son stepped forward. "Abel?" He shook his head, "Nah, it's me, Thomas." My son walked up to me and pulled me in for a hug. "Hey Dad." I choked up again and squeezed him. My heart was unable to contain it's joy. "Look, we, uh, have a lot to explain. Ride with Gemma and I'll tell you later." Abel patted my back and walked away with the younger crowd.

I turned speechless to my mother. "What?" Chibs shook his head, "It's a lot. You've missed a lot." Opie smiled sympathetically before hopping on his bike. "Sorry we didn't bring yours. Figured you wouldn't remember." Tig joked and got on his bike along with Chibs and Bobby.

After they sped off, I turned to Gemma. "Where's Abel? Is he okay? Is Tara here with Thomas?" Questions spewed out faster than my mom could hear. She warmly patted my back and urged me to follow her to her truck. 75 years old and still driving the baddest. I snickered to myself as I climbed in the passenger seat. "Honey, you've been gone a while. Just wait."

**Tara POV**

I groaned as I walked into the familiar hallways of . Time hadn't aged the place, the blue and white tile as shiny as ever. My palms grew sweaty as I headed towards human resources.

What the hell was I doing?

My phone buzzed in my pocket. Thomas' picture showed he was on the other line causing me to eagerly answer. This was why I was here. "Mom, where are you?" My eyes darted around me. I hadn't brought myself to tell him about leaving my job behind me. But I couldn't stand being so far from him. If moving back to Charming meant being closer to my baby, so be it. "You wouldn't believe me even if I told you. You okay?" It just hit me he usually never called unless something big was happening.

"Yeah. Same goes for me. I'll make the trip up tonight. Do you think you can get Abel and Emily too?" My veins froze. He wanted me to gather his siblings? "You okay?" I asked again immediately growing panicky. "Yes mom, I'm fine. Look, I'll explain. I have a lot of that to do today." Thomas scoffed on the other line.

I sighed as the human resources representative, Mary, poked her head out from her office. I was late. "Shit," I mumbled, "Okay, love you Thomas. Be safe." I found myself saying that to him every chance I got. "I will mom. Love you." We hung up and I headed into the office.

Mary was kind yet strict. And a lot younger than I. She reviewed all my case studies with great amusement and pride. She was very impressed, as she should've been. I was a kick ass surgeon. "What in God's green Earth are you doing here?" She asked the question I had heard just about every day for the past week. "I'm coming back h-home." My face flushed after my stutter and Mary just nodded while continuing to read my files over.

Her eyebrow rose, "You left here 20 years ago. You were suspended back in 2011 for affiliations with the local motorcycle club the Sons of Anarchy. Are you by any chance still affiliated with them?" Mary's tone was hard to read. My mind immediately fluttered to Thomas. Then to Jax. I quickly denied any relation to the club. I didn't want that to impact this for me. Not yet.

Mary nodded and stood, "You're perfect. You certainly are over qualified for our hospital, but why is that a bad thing. Welcome back Dr. Knowles." We shook hands and my grin met hers. "Thank you so much. I don't mean to be rude but I really have somewhere to be." I let go of her hand and backed away a little. "Oh," She glanced me over but seemed to shake off whatever she felt about my awkwardness, "That's fine. I'll call you tomorrow about showing you around. Believe it or not some things have changed."

I nodded and opened the door, "Thanks again!" I then turned and rushed out as quick as possible. I had to call Abel and Emily and get them to the very place I spent so long trying to protect them from.

When Abel was 18, I told him everything. About all the things his father and I did. All about Charming, the club, and his grandparents. His hate grew deeper for his dad. Abel had never let go of how his father was never around. Although, I never really played my part in trying to date and provide him with a father figure. I never took the kids to visit him either. I refused to take my children to jail.

Abel grew up loving school. He was so bright, so unbelievably charming and brilliant. When he applied to medical school, I knew he was a shoe in. Abel graduated from University of Oregon's pre-med program and went on to study at University of Virginia's medical school to become a cardiologist. I tried my best to be close with him but he was always so focused on moving forward. Abel never lived in the moment.

Thomas was my wild one. When he learned of the Sons he couldn't wait to go see where I had grown up. To meet his grandmother. I let him simply because I owed it to him. I felt that he should know where he came from and what the club was. I never thought he'd join it. Being Teller blood, he immediately became Vice President at age 18. Just like his father. Thomas didn't speak to me for months. He knew my hatred of everything he now loves. But he spoke to Emily knowing that she'd let me know he was okay.

Emily just turned 20 years old last week. She had spent the past 2 years traveling in Europe. She was my thinker, my kind hearted sweetheart. She was my secret. Emily never asked me about her father. I never told her about my involvement or who her grandparents are. Jax had no idea she even existed. To SAMCRO Emily had been non-existent until Thomas showed up. Speaking my truths to her always intimidated me. Maybe because I was scared she would turn into me or maybe because I was afraid of her judgment of me keeping her from her family. But her brothers filled in what they could or what they wanted to. She never seemed angry at me for it.

Abel was working at University of Southern California's hospital to teach and preform surgeries. While Emily was in Los Angeles working as a reporter for a newspaper online. All of my children in one state is what pushed me to come back. Specifically to Charming because of my Thomas. I was scared to leave him to that club by himself.

As for Jax, I had not a clue where he was. I'm sure the club had kept tabs on me but Jax never had reached out. Gemma made attempts throughout the kid's lives but I had restraining orders placed on her. I managed to outsmart the Biker Queen and I was always smug about that.

When I reached my car I gave my son Abel a call. "Hey mom. I'm about to go talk to some interns. Can I call you back?" I sighed, he had been blowing me off for the past week. "No. I'm in Charming and you need to come." I tried to sound patient. Silence echoed from his end. "Abel, please." I begged. He sighed heavily and clicked his tongue, "Fine. I'll be there in about 3 hours. Where are you?" I smiled brightly, I was honestly surprised he gave so easily. "At the Hampton Inn. Call me when you're in. Love you." "Will do. Bye." Abel clicked off and I happily wiggled in my seat.

Next was Emily. She answered almost immediately, "Hey mom, Thomas called. I'm already on the way." Shit. "No he doesn't know you're there, I told him I wanted to meet him. I'm about 20 minutes away." A calmness over came me while I breathed deeply. "Awesome okay. Meet at the Hampton Inn. Love you." I started my car and Emily turned her music back up, "Okay, love you too." And with that she hung up.

I hadn't been with all three of my kids since Christmas two years ago, right after Emily graduated.

It was March 10, 2026. And I was about to see all my babies together again. Joy overwhelmed me as I made my way to the hotel.

I waited impatiently with Emily who soon joined me. We talked onan every day basis. While the boys were more direct with their phone calls, they always had a purpose. So when Thomas said he wanted us all in person, I knew shit was serious.

Just as my eyelids grew heavy enough for a nap, Abel swung my hotel room's door wide open and smiled at us. "Abel!" Emily hopped up and ran to him to smother him in a hug. "Hey Emmy," Abel ruffled her hair and he moved over to pull me in. "Hi mom." I squeezed him quickly and warmly, "Hi honey." Emily immediately dove into asking a million questions about his day and about his girlfriend. This was all news to me. My eyebrows raised to Abel at the mention of Grace. "She's good Emmy. Thanks for spilling beans." He glared at her and she laughed in return, "She would've found out anyways." Emily waved him off and continued questioning.

"Where's Thomas?" Abel cut her off and looked at me pointedly, begging for help. I smiled and I was reminded of them as young kids, Emily always trying her hardest to get the boys to talk to her. "He should-" I was cut off by the opening door. "Mom, uh…" Thomas looked at me nervously then shoved the door open a little more.

There he was. Jax Teller.

Our eyes met for the first time in 20 years and my heart fell through the floor. Jax let out an uncomfortable guttural noise.

"Jesus Thomas." Emily muttered.

Jesus Thomas, I repeated in my head.

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**Tell me what ya think! I'd love to know. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**First of all, thank you all so much for the reviews! Second of all, I'd like to clarify the kids ages. Abel is 25, Thomas is 23, and Emily is 20. This is taking place around season 4. I'll clarify why Jax went to prison later on and that will be my own story line. Which brings me to my third of all, I don't own any of the characters. They're Kurt Sutter's!**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Jax POV**

Was I breathing? Could I breathe? Oxygen felt foreign in my lungs. I couldn't get a grip. My head spun as I looked into the room holding these people. _These people_. I had no other way to describe them.

Tara stood paralyzed, fear echoing in her emerald eyes. What was she afraid of? Me?

Her long brunette locks I remembered from years before had now been weaved with gray throughout. She looked as wrinkled as I, but she pulled it off way better. 20 years had nothing on Tara Knowles. I felt that same feeling I did as a 16-year-old kid.

"Mom, uh, sorry I thought it was just going to be Emily." Thomas stumbled through his words.

Emily.

My eyes pulled away from Tara and to the younger beauty beside her. Jesus. She was her carbon copy.

Emily's eyes were a brighter shade of emerald and her hair was curled just as Tara used to do. She was small and short, even Tara was inches above her. Emily cleared her throat uncomfortably due to my stare.

I didn't know how to react. This was my _daughter_. A baby girl. But not so much the baby part anymore.

Abel scratched his head, "Hey, uh, Jax," He slid his phone out of his pocket and then looked at his mom, "I gotta head back. Surgery tomorrow, a lot of paperwork."

My throat burned when I swallowed. He couldn't even be in the same room as me. I flinched when he walked past me and deliberately bumped into his brother.

"Abel!" Emily called out. She looked at her mom then bolted, following after Abel. I started to turn to talk to Thomas but he was gone also. Leaving me alone with Tara.

I slowly turned to look back at her. 20 goddamn years. She looked as confused as I was. This was all so much. Too much for me.

"Hi." She said quietly, stepping closer to me. There were yards of space between us and she was making it smaller, causing my heart to race. "Hi." I croaked out, as she got right in front of me.

My eyes went to her left ring finger. Nothing.

The silver ring I had given her 20 years earlier was nowhere to be seen. She must've seen my gaze so she self-consciously shuffled side to side and shoved her hands in her pockets.

My anger grew wild. Who the hell did she think she was, keeping this all from me? She left with promises and fights of how our kids would never know this life of chaos. Tara swore to never return and she cut me out for the better.

"I'm…I'm so sorry." Tara's eyes filled with tears as she reached out to touch my forearm but I yanked it away.

I couldn't see that ring-less finger again.

"A fucking _daughter_ Tara. I have a daughter. WE have a daughter and you didn't ever let me know. A DAUGHTER." I screamed in her face causing her tears to fall.

"It's complicated Jax. You have no idea what I've gone through. What those kids have been through." Tara retorted but her tears kept her tone from stinging me.

"YOU have no idea what I have been through. Do you know what it's like to come out and my goddamn son is telling me about a little girl and he's the next in line to run the very club that made you leave." I got closer and closer to her face, "You are the biggest fucking hypocrite if I've ever met one."

Before I could dodge it, Tara slapped me across the face. I yelled out and she continuously hit me over and over as she sobbed.

"HIT ME TARA, KEEP GOING. DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER?" I yelled as her every hit made me feel more and more enraged.

Tara slowed and fell to the floor, her sobs shaking her body. I melted beside her.

Shit.

I reached out to grab her face when the door opened again.

Abel.

"Jesus Christ." He shoved me aside, pushing me to the floor. I just lay there helpless as he pried his crying mother off the floor.

"What the hell did you do?" Abel spat at me.

"Look, Abel, it…I…we…" I stammered as I ran my hands all through my hair. His eyes narrowed while Tara's breathing became more even.

"Get out." Abel kicked at my leg, "Get the hell out. Now."

I scrambled to get up just as Thomas and Emily came back into the room. "Dad?" Thomas' voice was laced with concern as he took in the scene.

"You heard me old man, GET OUT!" Abel screamed, making Emily, Thomas, and I flinch.

"Abel," Tara softly spoke and rubbed his cheek but his anger was visible. Nothing could calm him. Abel let go of her and stepped right in my face. "Do I need to kick your ass to get you out or will you take your sorry ass out yourself?" His finger jutted in my face.

Anger boiled in my veins. Just as I opened my mouth to make a response, my heartstrings were pulled tight. Abel looked just like I did. It was a mirror of myself at 25.

"Abel, what the hell?" Emily's voice broke and Thomas placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. Abel shook it off and never broke eye contact with me, his jaw twitching.

"We don't need you or want you. I wouldn't be here if I knew that's what this was. Get the hell out of my face and the hell away from my family." Abel's eyes were wild and icy.

"Abel," Emily came up and stood beside him to look at me, but he just shoved her back. "Mind your own Emily." He snapped.

I threw my arms up and scoffed, "There's so much you don't know. So much you don't understand." I wanted him to hear my words but he made it as obvious as possible he didn't care. Abel turned around to hug and hold his mother.

"Dad," Thomas grabbed my arm, "Let's go. Come on."

My arm felt warm where his hand had been, but I just pulled.

I was out of there. If they didn't want me around I didn't have to be.

I had Thomas, right?

**Abel POV**

It felt like a movie every time a memory of my father ran through my head. Distant and fuzzy pictures of him and my mom laughing, him giving me knuckle sandwiches and reading me stories.

For a long time I tried my hardest to keep him in focus. To never forget the time we had spent together. Until I was 8, I prayed every night he'd walk back through the door. My mom would explain over and over of how she was sorry Daddy couldn't be here. That he loved me very much but he had other things to take care of.

Every single football game, birthday, Christmas when that asshole never showed, I lost my hope little by little. And embarrassingly enough, I thought maybe he'd show at my graduation.

But instead of my dad's presence, all I got were stories the night of my high school graduation. My mom told me of falling in love with him and SAMCRO. Of how she had to get us out to protect us and that she wanted me to know the truth. That keeping the secrets had killed her.

My fuzzy pictures of my dad became clearer that night. Suddenly, I remembered his leather cut and the roar of his motorcycle signaling he was home. The time I opened his closet to hundreds of gun parts scattered.

I wanted no part.

I didn't want my mom to feel relief in coming clean. I didn't want her to think it was okay she kept those secrets or that she kept me from having a Dad. I was angry. Angry at her, at Jax, at myself. How could I have not remembered?

So I threw myself into school and work. I was quickly becoming one of the most promising cardiologists on the west coast. But there was a hole, a piece of me that was always curious. Was my grandmother still alive? Was my dad out of jail and just wanted no part of who I was? Did he care? Did anyone?

Seeing him today brought me no relief. I felt no joy at the reunion, only hatred. Jealousy at Thomas for wearing the leather I remembered him donning. Anger that he had called him Dad. I wanted to run. So I did.

When Emily and Thomas chased me down and talked me into coming back, I thought it was going to be a quick hello. I'd tell him where I was and he'd tell me where he'd been.

Maybe he would've said he was proud.

But instead I came into my mother crying on the floor with him beside her. Her pain was all over her face and suddenly I felt like that abandoned 5 year old all over again. This man was not my dad. He was not anything.

Jax Teller meant nothing to me.

And if Thomas was going to be a part of who he was, I wanted nothing to do with him either.

"Abel you get back in here!" My mom yelled as the hotel room door was closing behind me.

All I saw was red as I made my way through the dilapidated hotel and to my car in the lot. When I was about to pull myself into my truck, I heard that same goddamn roar of the motorcycle.

Jax Teller pulling away on his bike was the last thing I saw before destroying my driver side window.

I reveled in the way the glass stung my hand, at the red blood coursing down my hand.

"Abel! Jesus!" Emily ran to me and pulled at my arm. "Come on, please. Come on, Abel." Emily yanked and pulled me over to her car and forced me inside.

The cool of her window against my head calmed my mind. Emily was rattling off different things to distract me. She always had a way of knowing what I needed when I needed it most.

A sadness overwhelmed me as we pulled into St. Thomas' parking lot and my sister looked at me to get out of the car.

"I love Emily, you know that don't you?" I don't think I had spoken the words aloud since we were kids. My words made her eyebrows furrow, "You need stitches not a kidney. Chill out Abel." She pulled her keys from the engine and got out of her car.

I scoffed as I followed behind her and she glanced over her shoulder before we entered building. She mumbled, "I love you too Abey."

Her old nickname for me made that mushy gushy feeling come back and before I could say anything to her, she already had gone inside the lobby of the hospital.

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**Side note: Is switching POVs in the chapter stupid? Should I just write every chapter different POVs or should I just keep it in Jax's POV? Or someone else's POV? I'd love some feedback**


	3. Chapter 3

**YOU GUYS ROCK. SERIOUSLY. I'm blown away from all the love and thank you all so much for the feedback. I decided I'm just going to feel out each chapter as I write it and pick and choose when I want to switch POVs. After all it is my story :p but thanks again for all your opinions. **

**This chapter I wrote to hopefully fill in why Jax was arrested and some decisions that were made in the past. Also to fill in where characters are. If there are any questions or anything is confusing let me know, I'll answer! **

**I'm feeling so inspired by this storyline. Hence why I've updated pretty much every day... and I'm on my last week of winter break before I'm back at school. But I promise to keep up! **

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Jax POV**

My home was not home.

As I sat at a foreign wooden kitchen table taking in my new surroundings, I counted all the things that had changed. One, two, three, four…

The fridge wasn't smothered in Abel's scribbles and the family pictures I used to pass in the living room were not up. They were replaced with the old motorcycle memorabilia Gemma had decorated my house with when I was a kid. My walls were different colors with all brand new furniture.

"Happy's been staying here for a while. Juice has been in and out periodically. Actually, we all have." Opie puffed on his cigarette and motioned his head to the back bedrooms. I nodded silently, shaking the ash off my cigarette. I hadn't smoked in a few years since my lungs started to go bad but I felt as if I didn't have a choice at this moment.

Flashes of the last time I was in my home ran through my mind. My old table, Tara's meatloaf, and Thomas crying. The blue flashing lights. The cold of the silver handcuffs that were slid onto my wrists as I watched Tara push Abel's face into her leg to keep him from watching me get pulled away by cops. The aching feeling when we didn't say a word to each other as I was taken from my family. Tara's face was distorted in disbelief and hurt when I left without a fight.

At the time I didn't know what I was fighting for.

"We found Anthony." My eyes shot to Opie's serious form. He had met with me at my home after the disaster at the hotel. I hadn't even walked in the front door since being released from Stockton. "Where?" I tried to hide the eagerness in my voice.

Opie sighed heavily and put out his cigarette, "He's up in New York right now. Living there with his sister or something. But Jax, look, you just got out and I don't think-" I cut him off by slamming my fist on the table.

Pain shot up my arm and I emphasized my breathing through my nostrils. I glared at Opie. "That asshole is the reason I was in a goddamn cell the past 20 years."

"It's not so black and white Jax. You know that. Let bygones be bygones."

I stood up causing my chair to shoot back and fall to the floor. "It's my fucking life Opie. He ruined it."

Opie motioned for me to sit back down. "I know, I know. But you're not even being clear about wanting to still be in this club. You wouldn't hear a word of it when you were locked up with us all. No one is helping shed blood over old news for a member who's going to leave. There are new guys Jax. They won't feel the same fire that we do about it. Not with the cartel shit happening."

"Cartel shit?" My voice was harsh. _Still_? "New shit that the Mayans got us tangled up in. They've been running coke and LSD for them the past few months and the bodies have been stacking up." Opie rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Jesus fucking CHRIST." My hands ran through my hair and I winced when I lowered my body to grab the chair I had discarded to the floor. As I eased myself back down all of my emotions caught up with me. My body was not what it was last time SAMCRO was in shit with the cartel. The pain from hitting the table was still pulsing through my arm.

Anthony had been an Italian mafia leader. Back in 2014, the former president and my stepfather, Clay Morrow came up with the brilliant idea to start up with the Mexican cartel and push cocaine. When things fell through after Kozik had been killed at a shoot out, Bobby and I easily persuaded our brothers to vote it out. Clay was desperate and turned to Anthony. Anthony had a nightclub business and a dirty prostitution ring. Anthony had interests he had made clear to Clay about wanting to branch out and begin running guns with seemed safe enough, we'd be making easy cash and someone else would help with the pressure and danger of getting the guns. But the Irish were not happy with us getting close with the Italians. Nobody was as upset as Tara however.

While I was knee deep in club drama, Tara was stuck with two little boys and a tarnished surgeon record. The club's dirty laundry had started to get aired out when feds started digging with local cops. Unser lost power when San Joaquin absorbed Charming Police Department and Eli Roosevelt took over. It then became popular knowledge that Dr. Tara Knowles had relations in the club, St. Thomas and Charming's citizens were not too keen on having her operate. She was suspended when Gemma had to steal materials to help Tig get a bullet out of his ass and Tara took the fall.

Apologies weren't enough to ease Tara's pain for losing her job and reputation. So I began sleeping at the clubhouse and only coming home to see the boys after a hard day. Tara and I avoided each other at any cost. If anyone could give the cold shoulder better than me it was Tara Knowles.

Meanwhile Anthony's mafia threatened Clay by promising to kill Gemma if he didn't remain committed to their deal. They blew up the clubhouse and began leaving death notes for various members when Clay didn't respond quick enough. Of course this had all been buried under the rug. Clay placed the blame on various other gangs to keep myself and SAMCRO in the dark.

Jimmy O'Phelan, the head of the IRA (The Irish), and I had a scheduled meeting. Guns in a warehouse for me to inspect and us to have a chat. After I was showed the guns, Jimmy was very clear that the guns were to be sold only by the Charming Charter of the Sons of Anarchy. Other than that though, there were no hard feelings or any awkwardness. Nonetheless, my guard remained up the whole night, but nothing came of it. A nagging feeling was heavy in my stomach the days following our meeting.

The following day, Anthony had me meet up with him to check out guns he was selling to a motorcycle club out in Nevada. I wasn't sure why I needed to see but Clay insisted I went with Opie, Chibs, and Tig. It was pointless. Guns were guns, there was really no point to us even being called upon to check them out. Red flags were everywhere but I couldn't bring myself to care. I had become distant after Clay became so careless with the club. He was destroying what the club had been and I had been idly standing by and obeying his commands for too long. Tara had been clear she was ready to leave and had repeatedly told me for a year that she hated who I was becoming.

It felt like I was letting go. I could leave the club for Tara or I could leave Tara for the club. Either way I was unhappy. Chibs called me out for it but I brushed it off as just being loyal to Clay's words. Bobby tried to reason with me and push me to help him come up with a plan to get SAMCRO out clean but there was no easy way out. No way out without there being blood.

On a Thursday night in 2014, a week after me looking at both sets of guns, I called Tara and asked her if it was okay for me to come to dinner. She sounded distant when she agreed and told me about making the meatloaf. I blew off the club that day, even though Clay was very eminent he needed me at church to vote about what to do with the Irish.

I cornered Tara in our bedroom and told her of all the things I had been keeping secret and pushing her away from. Tara cried to me of all the sacrifices she had made to make me be able to be in the club. Of how she felt that my mother was trying to push her out and take the boys as her own. We laid on our bed and hashed everything out. Her hatred of SAMCRO and Gemma. My wishes to protect her, Abel, and Thomas.

She needed to get out. We both needed to. But there was so much for me to deal with and it would take too long. I wanted my family safe from the Italian mafia, that was for damn sure. Tara showed me the death threat she had received the day before. And we agreed that it was the last straw and she'd leave to take our family to Oregon.

I never forgot her smile when I told her I empty promises of leaving I was desperate to make her happy at that moment.

Just as Tara was about to tell me something, the timer went off signaling the meatloaf was ready. She kissed me for the first time in weeks and so lovingly it left me dazed. Now I wonder if she was going to tell me about Emily right then and there, but there's no telling. So we ate our dinner as a happy family for the last time.

Tara visited me my first day in prison. She didn't speak a word to me, only stared at me until she burst into tears and excused herself. That night I didn't sleep. I laid awake sifting through my mistakes.

Anthony turned Opie, Chibs, Tig, and I for our fingerprints on the guns with Clay's help. We had to pay a price for trying to back out and Clay didn't want to take the fall but he also didn't want Gemma hurt. When the Irish found out the mafia's plan they tried to blow up one of their night clubs. But Anthony then turned around and pinned it on me. Dozens were injured and almost killed.

Clay's hands were going and everyone knew it. Anthony couldn't afford for me to become Vice President within the upcoming years and vote out his deal. And again, Clay cared for nothing but himself and his power.

Clay had pushed Anthony to have me watched that night with Jimmy and was counting on my betrayal. Anthony was under the impression that Clay had switched from the IRA and was going to get the guns from a different source. So when Clay had him lead to believe that I was conspiring with Jimmy, he wanted me out.

When I laid in that cot my first night the only thing I could think of was how if Tara was left to the care of the club, she'd fall deeper into it. She wouldn't get to grow as a surgeon, my boys would be set up to live the life I had been, and nothing terrified me more. Gemma wouldn't let her leave without a fight. Gemma wouldn't let her raise the boys without them knowing who we were and without forcing them to follow in my footsteps. The idea of Abel or Thomas being where I was made hot tears burn my face.

After the sleepless night when Tara first visited, she came again the next day. This time there were no tears. Just a very empty and exhausted woman I didn't even recognize. She rattled off about the Oregon hospital she would apply to and how her boss could get her in. When I nodded my approval, she grabbed my hand. "I'll bring the boys every chance I get. I promise."

No.

I couldn't have my boys see me behind a table for 20 years. They couldn't grow up knowing what I had done. Who I was. Tears burned my eyes when I looked at Tara and shook my head violently, "Never, ever bring them here. Protect them from Charming Tara. Promise me. Promise you'll get them the hell away from here and the hell away from my mother. Gemma will try to get them but you can't let her."

She began to put up a fight when the buzzer went off signaling that visiting time was over. I quickly broke the rules to reach across and kiss her. The guards violently grabbed me up and away from her. I'd get 2 days solitude but it was better than not kissing Tara Knowles. "Promise Tara!" I yelled to her before I was taken from the room.

I took her off my visitation list. I had the mail filter letters from her. At 32 I was ready to erase who I had been. I wanted my sons to hate me. I wanted Tara to hate me. I wanted everyone to hate me as much as I hated myself.

Prison wasn't pretty. I was repeatedly jumped, cut, and choked. Time and time again. I plotted to be separated from Opie, Tig, and Chibs. I wanted to be on my own and far away from the SAMCRO name. While we were together it was as if we had giant neon targets on our heads. We'd try to protect each other the best we could, but after 2 years it was exhausting. After to many fights I was left to be alone hours away in another jail.

At 35 I had successfully isolated myself. For a while I only would let Gemma visit. She'd try to tell me of what the club had been through and where everyone was but I'd easily tune her out. Only listening to her bitch about Tara keeping her from the boys. When she told me about the restraining orders that were delivered to her house from Tara, it took everything in me not to audibly chuckle. Over the years her complaints were fewer and fewer as she lost her will to fight.

Clay had been diagnosed with throat cancer and passed in 2020. I didn't see my mom for a week or so. My heart ached for my lonely, depressed mother but my anger had not dulled. That day I started a fight at dinner so brutal I knew I'd have to be transferred. I had to get away.

Clay and Anthony were the reasons I was in there. Where I focused all my energy. I'd fall asleep to visions of beating them to a pulp.

But over time I became just another old man in prison. When I was 5 years from release, I was transferred back to Stockton. That was when the guys started to visit. Opie and Chibs had gotten 4 years while Tig had gotten 10 because he was also framed for being an accomplice. Juice was later placed in jail for being framed as being another accomplice when the feds were pushing Clay to turn in a member.

Tara never came. I took her off my list of restricted visitors and sent her a letter with no response. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I never got an answer.

I never dealt with it. Every time a memory of us came to mind, I'd shove it away as deep as I could. She was forgetting me as I had tried so hard to do to her for so long. In a sick way, I felt proud of her.

But I never imagined when I was free that I would be coming into a world where my son was set to take over SAMCRO, a son who was following his mother's example, and a fucking daughter. I didn't know what I expected of Tara. Somewhere deep down I had always thought she'd be there. She was Tara Knowles, my old lady. My everything.

And here I was, alone. I was free and alone. Still torn about the club as I had been when I was 32. No Clay to place my blame on. My elderly mother's health was quickly deteriorating. Along with my own and also my brothers. Bobby had a oxygen tank much like Opie's dad had before he passed away in 2019. Suspiciously while Clay had been "out of town." When had everything gotten so bad? Probably all the times I ignored their pleas to hear them out about SAMCRO.

"Did you know about Emily? How long did you know?" I looked back at Opie. His eyes grew soft and he shook his head. "No. Thomas never said a thing."

"Thomas." I whispered under my breath, "How long has he been here?" I looked around at the home that in another life I would've seen him grow up in. That I'd be asking about his career in and not about his involvement in the Sons.

"5 years. He turned 18 and showed up one day at Gemma's doorstep." Opie shook his head, smiling. "He is a Teller, that's for damn sure."

5 years.

"Why did Tara let him back here?" I spat angrily causing Opie to flinch. Opie had not taken kindly to me becoming so bitter about SAMCRO.

"I don't know man. Look, you need to go back and talk it out with her. I'm sure you both have a lot to talk about." Opie tapped his rings on the table nervously. "You do know who is president now, don't you?"

My head snapped up to attention. Opie let out a small laugh, "Juice." My jaw dropped and I couldn't help but laugh with him. "Fucking Juice." I recalled and we cracked up. After our laughter slowed Opie lit up another cigarette. He then slid the pack to me and I sighed exhaustedly. "You should call Tara." He mumbled with his cigarette in his mouth.

I grabbed another cigarette and lit it. I looked at Opie, "I'm going to die one way or the other, right?"

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**I hope this chapter explained Jax's story on a basic level. Obviously as this story goes on more details will be added and it'll become more in-depth. I'm not a flashback kind of writer because I always feel like the scenes seem forced and tacky. But ANYWAYS hope you liked it, sorry for my rambling.**


	4. Chapter 4

**More family drama! I cannot thank you enough for all the love. **

**I do not own these characters, they're Kurt Sutter's!**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Emily POV**

I never had a dad. Daddy/daughter dances at school, soccer games, and dating boys, all came and went. Abel offered to go with me in junior high to those damn dances but I was too embarrassed to be the only girl without her dad. Thomas endlessly harassed every boy that I tried to have relationships with. But it was nothing like having a dad to tell me I was too good for them. My mom cheered at every soccer game she could when she didn't have surgery. But it was nothing like having a dad beside her or to be grilled after at all the things I could've done better.

I never had a dad.

At 13 I was down one brother in the house. It was just Thomas, my mom, and me. There was a shift in my home. Bitter. Something I just couldn't put my finger on, but when Abel left things definitely changed. Abel didn't visit when he was at school and when he had to come back for his first summer break, he lasted about 2 weeks before going back and taking summer classes to get away. I didn't understand. Thomas couldn't get it either. That was when Thomas and Abel really got at each other's throats. Or so I thought.

Thomas turned 18 and poof, it was just my mom and I. This time I was 16 and I thought I'd be more prepared for another brother to leave. I had friends, I was popular, I had sports, but nothing made me stop missing my brothers. Them being gone made me realize how important they were. Thomas told me he left to go get a mechanic's job in Charming, California.

Charming? A hollow ache would burn my stomach whenever I'd allow myself to think about how Thomas up and left to go 5 hours away to do a job he could 5 minutes down the road. Where the hell even was Charming, California? But I didn't understand. Thomas and Abel would snap that at me every chance they got. Little Emily would just never understand.

It was my turn to be 18 and after I blew out my candles, my mom invited me into her room to lay with her like I did as a child. Anxiously I got my friends out as quickly as I could. When I entered her room I was expecting an awesome present or her to pass on the ring she always promised me. But I got something else. Something bigger.

A dad.

Thomas left to go work at his auto shop but our dad had run into trouble and was taking care of other family stuff. My dad would return to Charming in 2 years to go back to work with Thomas.

Thomas got to be where our dad had been. Where our parents fell in love. My stupid brothers got to learn all of this before I did. When it crossed my mind to snap at my mom, her eyes were so soft I couldn't bring myself to do it. So I did what I did best. I ran.

I was always flighty, never wanting to be tied down somewhere for too long. When things got uncomfortable or anything but happy, my first instinct was to leave. Leave the room, the car, the restaurant, the relationship.

After I was given that diploma I ran to Europe. I travelled to see everything I could, meet every person I could, eat all the food I could. My mind was blocking out the hurt I felt. But I never quite understood Abel's anger about it. Sure, I felt hollow from the lies my mother told but never angry.

When I returned to the States, I easily forgave my mom. Thomas would call me throughout the week to tell me about different customers and girls. Eventually Abel even started checking in with me also. He wasn't quite the open book Thomas was. Or what I thought Thomas was.

SAMCRO.

Sons of Anarchy. Men of Mayhem. Charming Charter. Redwood Original.

My brother was not working at an autoshop. My dad was not dealing with "family stuff." And my grandma was not quite the baking cookies type. I had relations with a motorcycle gang. Er, club. As I keep being told to call it.

My mom didn't tell me a thing of the danger, guns, or drugs. Thomas never spoke of the things he was doing, only the cars he fixed. Abel never told me why he wouldn't speak of any of it. But it was because he could remember our dad being taken off to prison. He remembered our dad well enough to be upset by our mom taking us away and our dad never coming around.

All of this information within 2 hours of me being in Charming, California.

Abel and I sat in my car while he made calls to his school about his hand and not being to make it back tomorrow. "His _accident_," He called it. I just sat silent in disbelief. This couldn't be my life.

My dad was supposed to be at a desk or something. With glasses and a briefcase. He drank coffee, not liquour. Cigars not cigarettes.

Jax Teller did not fit in with what I imagined. Not what I had hoped for when Thomas called me.

Abel sighed and threw his head back against the headrest, "I'll take you. Come on. This town is only 3 feet big anyways." He rolled his eyes at the promise he made me.

I forced Abel into agreeing to take me by Teller-Morrow Automotive Repair because I wanted to see where Thomas had been all this time. Where my parents had been. Abel only agreed because I threatened to tell our mom all about Grace and the secret he was keeping.

Abel grumbled under his breath as I turned the music up, "Let's fucking go. Whaaaaaatever Emily Grace wants." He taunted like he had when we were babies. Usually it'd still get under my skin but I just sang along with the radio as we took off from the hotel parking lot and into the dusk to find the place our family was built.

**Jax POV**

"Shit!" I yelped when I pulled myself up to the small barstool. I was not 30 years old anymore that was for damn sure. Opie laughed at me and chucked some peanut shells my way. I flicked him off just as Juice and Chibs were walking into the clubhouse.

"Jackie boy, take a shot!" Chibs called out cheerfully. He ducked under the bar to grab some tequila but I winced at the thought. Cigarettes and tequila in the same day? Juice sat beside me and I thought, if Juice Ortiz is fucking president I can take a shot. I nodded eagerly at Chibs and he passed them out to each of us.

The tequila warmed my throat and burned in my stomach, I smiled at its familiarity and grimaced at the taste. "Pussy," Opie shoved my arm and I let out a real hard laugh for the first time in a long time. The clubhouse hadn't changed much besides the new mug shots tacked up alongside the others.

"Fucking President." My eyes fell on Juice and he avoided eye contact by picking at the aging label on his shot glass. "Yeah man. For a bit at least." Juice's eyes darted to me then returned to the shot glass. An awkward silence fell over the four of us. For a bit? Like I was going to take all this shit over? I could barely haul myself up onto the barstool let alone run this club.

"For a bit?" I repeated, watching Juice tick. Chibs grabbed our glasses to give us a refill on tequila but I pressed harder, "What Juice?" Juice shook his head a bit and shrugged. "You or Thomas." I winced at the thought. For a moment I remembered my excitement of being patched into the club and tried to feel proud but when actually I just felt worried. Like the old man I was.

"In time Juicy, no need to ponder the what ifs." Chibs had no difficulty shooting back his Patron. "Thomas won't ever be ready for it. Where he's at now…" Juice trailed off and took his shot. Opie instantly tried to make eye contact with me but I ignored him, I got right in Juice's face, "You watch your mouth. That's my kid." I emphasized every word and Juice spun to finally look me in the eye. "Just that Jax. A kid. He'll never get his head out of his ass just like-"

"You might want to stop right there." I felt my eyes glaze over. "Guys, guys, enough." Opie was beside me now and rested his hand on my shoulder. I leaned back and away from Juice. Still the prick he was years ago. "At least he won't get to the top by being Clay's bitch." I spit. Juice stood quickly to spit his heat in my face but before he could say whatever he wanted, heels clicked through the back hallway.

I craned my neck and saw none other than Tara Knowles slinking down the hallway. Immediately I stood to walk around Juice. She agreed to meet here to talk things over earlier on the phone. For whatever reason I felt more comfortable speaking here than in my home or the hotel. My home. Not ours. I inwardly cringed at the realization but quickly straightened up when she walked up to stand in front of me.

"Opie," She smiled warmly and he enveloped her in a giant hug. They greeted back and forth. Tara did the same friendly greeting to Chibs and Juice, which completely dissolved any tension that had been in the room before she entered. Tara just had that way about her.

"Is it okay if we talk over some food?" Tara turned to me, looking at the guys from the corner of her eye. "Yeah I-"

"ABEL!" Someone screeched outside. Tara and I both shot outside to follow the sound of the scream. In the middle of the parking lot were Abel and Thomas beating the absolute snot out of each other. Abel picked Thomas' head up and smashed it to the ground and before Thomas could flip him over, he spat in his face. Thomas repeatedly landed punch after punch on Abel's tortured face. Every hit making Emily scream louder and louder.

After a second of witnessing the scene Tara rushed over and tried to tug at Thomas' arm. Emily jumped in and pulled Abel, but the two boys were rabid. Abel jerked too hard from Emily, shooting her back to fall onto the pavement. As if we were in some sort of movie, the lights came on and illuminated the dark parking lot.

"Dad!" Emily called out, clutching her head with tear welled eyes.

If I hadn't lost my breath before, it was easily gone just then. _Dad_. I sprinted up and pulled Abel up and off his brother. "ENOUGH!" I yelled in his face, then whipped around to glare at Thomas. "That is enough."

"Boys…" Tara started while she helped Emily up. Blood was in Emily's hand from the blow she took from her fall. Rage boiled beneath my skin, I wanted to scream and yell. But Tara looked at me expectantly as if she knew I needed to just take a breath. I inhaled as deeply as I could, my lungs couldn't do much from those cigarettes earlier. I then tightened my grip even more on Abel's forearm. "We're going to talk this out," I looked dilberately at Tara and then to my kids, "As a family." Each word came out hard from my lips.

Emily nodded and Abel yanked his arm away from my vice grip. He rubbed at his forearm and eventually nodded alongside Thomas. Tara gaped at me before taking a deep sigh. "Well then," She motioned for everyone to pile into her car.

Abel, Thomas, and Emily all dragged their feet while Tara and I marched straight to the front seats. She shot me a smile before we separated on either side of her car and my heart caught fire.

"Let's go!" She yelled out to the grown kids still skulking towards the back seat.

This was Tara as a mom. This was me as a dad. It felt real and different and exhiliratiing.

"Now, where do we want to eat?" Tara's eyes went to her rearview mirror to look at her bloody, beaten kids. _Our_ bloody, beaten kids.

"O'Hares?" Thomas choked out while clutching to his bleeding nose. "Is that broken?" Emily squinted her eyes to look but Abel just shook his bruised head. "No. He's just a pussy."

"Abel! Say another word!" I snapped, turning around to face him. It was like a couple of toddlers in the back seat. They nervously gulped and Abel turned his head to sulk and look out the window.

"O'Hares it is." Tara almost laughed and we headed out to have our first family meal.

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**Lots of build up this chapter. Again. Haha next chapter it'll unfold more with talking and such. Hang in there with me! **

**Also, question: Flashbacks? Yes or No? Would it make it more clear or is them just talking to themselves/in their heads enough? I feel like if I label dates/years/etc it'll get super confusing. Feedback is always appreciated! Thanks so much.**


	5. Chapter 5

**First week of classes and I managed to write a chapter. I plan on keeping up, I promise! Now for some resolution...**

**Don't own the characters.**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Thomas POV**

"Quit jerking around!" My mom swatted at my chest. I hissed when she tore my fingers away from their grip on my nose to get a good look. Hot crimson blood gushed down my face. I felt ill. "Mom!" I grabbed at her arm while she poked around and prodded.

"Hello?" A bewildered voice echoed into the bathroom. My mom had managed to drag me into the women's bathroom to check out my nose that hadn't stopped bleeding. I wanted to jump out of my skin when I saw myself in the mirror. "Busy!" Emily quickly ran up to the door to push back on the older woman who had been trying to come inside. Somehow we were allowed into O'Hare's Pub with all of us bloody and bruised. Emily didn't let me go into the men's bathroom behind Abel and had my mom back her up. They now were crowding me by the sink and inspecting my face.

"It's not broken." My mom shook her head and shoved my face towards the porcelain sink. "Jesus Mom!" My body already ached and that push rocked my system. She then shoved paper towels up my nose. Her and Emily laughed and laughed but I failed to see the humor in me looking like a human drain. "Sorry baby, now listen. You two need to be on your best when we get out there okay? You both already now how Abel is taking all this. Be my strong babies." Emily eagerly nodded in response to my mom's pleading eyes.

Water from the sink seeped into my shirt causing me to cringe away. All I felt was frustration but my mom grabbed my hand, "Please sweet boy." I tried to fight the smile couldn't help but smile at her old nickname for me. I nodded and sighed, tugging at my blood and water covered shirt. Emily eyed me over and pretended to gag. I reached out to smack her arm but my mom angrily gripped my fingers. "OW!" I yelped and pulled away quickly to look at her glare. "No. More. Fighting." She waved her finger between us and then headed out of the bathroom.

Here we fucking go.

I tried my best to seem normal as we piled into the booth Jax was uncomfortably shifting in. Emily easily slid beside him, while my mom sat across from him, leaving me to be across from Emily. Abel would have to pull a chair up. A sinister smile spread across my face when I remembered how much Abel hated having to pull a chair to a booth. "Thomas!" Emily snapped me out of my trance and I looked to her. "Hmm?"

Her eyes pointedly looked at the waitress standing beside me. "What would you like to drink?" The tanned, ebony haired waitress practically sung to me. I choked on my words, earning a giggle from Emily. "Wa-water." I shook it off by giving her my side smile. She smirked back at me and spun around to walk away. My gaze was set on her ass but my mom smacked my side. I hissed at the pain, "Mom! Stop with the abuse." Her gaze fell upon my filthy shirt and her face soured.

"She's out of your league anyways." Abel mumbled as he walked up and screeched the metal of the chair leg across the floor to the end of our table. I snickered when he grumpily sat and crossed his arms. "They have fish and chips Abel," My mom's soft voice trailed off and she listed menu items to us. My face contorted and I cut her off my loudly saying, "I just want a beer." Abel rolled his eyes right as I opened my mouth. "What?" I challenged, "You don't?"

"Let's all have one." Jax cleared his throat and looked between us. "I can't." Emily squeaked and he gave her sympathetic smile. "Unless…" She turned to look at the bartender. "Nope." Abel and I both sighed at the same time. Neither of us even looked away from our lame menus. She threw herself back onto the booth and crossed her arms like our brother. "No fair."

"One more year," My mom winked at her and then turned as soon as the hot waitress strutted back over. "Quit being such a baby. You guys are acting five today." Abel scolded Emily and I. "Well, after that parking lot stunt, I'd say you're in the same boat." Jax raised his eyebrows, earning a snicker from Emily and I.

The waitress eyed Abel and I felt the same burn of jealousy in the pit of my stomach but before I could think of a snarky comment Jax ordered a beer for everyone. The waitress didn't card a single one of us and just wrote the order down. She passed out waters and returned back to the kitchen. Clearly emphasizing her hip movement, making Abel and I both stare this time.

"Gross." Emily muttered and picked at the bread that was left in the middle of the table. "20 huh?" Jax eyed Emily as she slowly munched. Slowly she nodded and nervously darted her eyes at our mom. "When did you move to Charming, Thomas?" My breath caught at the question. He didn't seem happy but he didn't quite seem angry either. "Five years ago. I crashed with Opie for a while." Jax choked on his water and his eyes grew wide. He hit his chest to clear his airway while all of us looked at him disgusted at the noise.

"Sorry," He looked down at his drink and then back to me, "Opie didn't say you had been living with him." I just nodded in response and reached for my own chunk of bread. "Abel, are you in Charming?" Jax looked to my brother. The air tightened after his last word, I was expecting Abel to have another pussy moody episode and storm out. He was always one to make some kind of a scene.

"No. I'm in Los Angeles for school. University of Southern California." Abel absentmindedly riddled off. The arrogance in his tone showed just how used to listing all of his accomplishments he was. It irked me that he was bothered when he was applauded because I knew that was exactly what he wanted.

"Wow. That's amazing. Do you like it?" Jax took another big sip of water after his breathing was becoming raspy. I saw my mom grow worried and begin to say something but Abel cut her off, "Yeah it's cool. I got to postpone surgery though." Abel glared at me and then his eyes motioned to his stitched hand. "That wasn't even me asswipe." I spat and my mom hit my leg. I sighed and listened to my dad and Abel go on and on of his accomplishments and plans.

Just when Abel was getting into a story about his first patient, the waitress returned with our beers. "Grace" gleamed from her nametag. I closely leaned to her body and put a hand on her arm. "Thanks darlin'." I smirked at her and she nervously smiled. "No problem." Her eyes darted to my brother again which made me back off. Clearly I was an undesirable tonight. When she turned to leave again, Abel stopped talking to watch her go.

"Gunna ask for her number or not?" Jax called us out but I just shrugged in response. My hand wrapped around my beer and when I went to twist it open, I saw Emily struggling with hers. "Emily." I scolded. For whatever reason I just really didn't want her to drink tonight. "Oh hush," She rolled her eyes as the cap came off after her last gusto of strength to get it off. Jax's rasping started up again, "What is up?" I eyed him and he just shook his head. "I smoked. I wasn't supposed to. I quit years ago," He patted his chest area, "Bad lungs."

The weight of the cigarettes in my cut pocket suddenly grew very heavy. Awkwardly I cleared my throat and my mom reached across to grab his hand. "Are you sure you're okay?" My mom was clearly concerned which made me feel a tad awkward. I sort of grimaced at the image of her hand on Jax's. I had never seen my mom with a man.

"Mom. How's Michael?" Abel emphasized and narrowed his gaze at our mom's hands on our dad's.

Michael?

All of our attention snapped to our mom's blushing face.

**Jax POV**

_Michael_?

Painfully, slowly I pulled my hand away from her grasp. Tara's eyes were full of apologies I didn't know if I was quite ready to hear. Thomas and Abel were clearly annoyed at my presence and Emily was too hard to read. I felt self-conscious and was beginning to feel like I was shoving a puzzle piece where it clearly didn't go. But when Tara's hand was on me for that fleeting moment, I really felt like this could be real. This could actually work or happen or whatever.

Michael.

"Who the hell is Michael?" Thomas fully turned his body towards Tara. She flushed a darker shade of red and ran her hand exhaustedly through her long locks. I could almost remember how it felt to do that. "It was a man I had been seeing for a while." Every word felt like a stab to the chest. "You were seeing?" I repeated, scathing.

Tara's eyebrows knitted together in frustration. "Yes, I was seeing." My lungs were having a fit in my chest. It was taking all my energy to focus on not hacking them up onto the table. I dropped my eyes and just focused on my fingers, I had to catch my breath before I could say anything else.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Emily was clearly offended by her mom's secrecy. "It's well…it's complicated." Tara turned on this motherly tone that made me even more upset.

"Complicated alright." I raised my gaze to meet hers and she straightened up. "Seeing as how you're _married_." The kids all stared at me but I couldn't bring myself to tear my eyes from Tara's enraged face. "You've got to be _kidding_ me." She hushed her voice but I wanted to be loud. My anger was at a breaking point and I needed a reaction. Why couldn't I get it all out like Thomas and Abel? I'd give anything to pound this Michael's face into the pavement at the thought of…..no I won't go there.

"It was more complicated than that Tara. You know that. You said for better or for worse. AND THIS WAS FOR WORST AND YOU FOUND MICHAEL?" My voice raised, gaining the attention from other diners and drunk people at the bar. "YOU FELL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. WHAT CHOICE DID I HAVE?" Tara shouted back.

"Mom, mom, stop. Stop guys. Please," Emily's soft but stern voice soothed us from beside me. I turned to look at her dark emerald eyes for comfort but all it did was push me further. "You kept her a secret Tara." I pointed at Emily who sunk back into the booth. "You did this…you did this to us. Not me. You're the one who got locked up in the first place." Tara's voice was softer after attracting so much attention but not any less bitter.

Michael.

I narrowed my eyes and tilted my head to the side, "Then who is _Michael_, Tara? Hmm? I'm sure we'd all like to know." My words spewed out of my mouth like venom. My back slammed against the booth as I motioned to us all sitting around the table. This was some kind of fucking joke. I almost wanted to laugh at the fact that people looked onto us and figured we were just an ordinary family out to dinner. That my two sons hadn't just beat the shit out of each other, that I got to hold my daughter as a newborn, let alone knew she existed. And that tonight I'd hold the woman across from me before dozing off.

"She fucks him from time to time." Abel nonchalantly threw in to our fight.

"Abel Teller!" Tara shouted, her head whipping around to our son. "You have got to be fucking kidding me right now."

I couldn't catch my breath. Visions of Tara with anyone else would kill me. I couldn't think about this. I couldn't be here right now. My feet started to tick as my need to run grew more and more.

"Don't." Emily placed her hand on my knee, "Don't run. Stay. Please Dad." Instantly I melted. I don't think that word would ever get old. But I sure as hell didn't feel like a Dad when I saw Abel and Thomas' wild stares between Tara and I. "Mom…" Thomas started off but Tara quickly shut him up. "I'm a grown ass woman! I don't need permission from anyone, especially not my children. Let alone their nonexistent father." Her gaze returned back to me and she was the Tara Knowles I remembered from years before.

Slowly I raised my left hand to show my wedding band still remained on my ring finger. Tara didn't back down, just continued to hold my gaze. "You couldn't wear that when you were locked up," For a second her eyes dropped to my ring and then returned to meet mine, "What did you expect Jax? Honestly? That after all that you put me through, all that I gave up, that I…I'd _wait_ for you?" She spoke to me like I was an infant. I slammed the same fist I had earlier on the table, making everyone jump. The same aching pain shot up my limb and through my shoulder but I was too pissed to pay it any mind.

"I thought you'd know what I was doing. What I wanted." I seethed.

"You told me what you wanted and I did it. I did all of this for you, even after everything. I gave you three healthy kids. You made it complicated. Not me." Tara was showing no mercy and her words made me wince.

She really had. She took our kids and got the hell away from everything. Tara rose our kids by herself and did a damn good job from what I could tell. I was the one who caused this all. I was the one who was always destined to turn everything to shit. Just when I was about to apologize I remembered, Thomas' Vice Presidency, Abel's anger towards me, and Emily trying everything to keep her family together. Tara had told them of the Sons and even allowed our kid to become a part of it.

"My son is in the very thing that got me locked up and that's your fault, not mine." I shot back at her. When she winced I instantly felt guilty but that was when Thomas stepped in.

"I'm in the club because I fucking wanted to be. Because I thought it'd be cool to see what my dad had been like because I sure as hell didn't know." Thomas leaned in by me and tapped his fingers to the table to emphasize his words, "But I clearly was fucking wrong. You are nothing like what the guys speak of you. The glory days are obviously gone and now we're all you've got but you want to treat my mom like shit?" My mouth gaped open as he continued on. "You've got another thing coming you asshole. I did this for me and Tara protected us from it all when we were kids. She told us about our absent dad when it was time. What I do with my life is my own business and the woman who raised me."

Tara's lower lip began to tremble but she took a deep breath and placed the same hand that had been on mine on our son's. Thomas relaxed at the touch and I felt tears prick at my eyes. I cleared my throat and sniffed. He was right.

"I am so sorry. I am sorry for everything I was and am. I want to make it up to you all so much but this is just a lot for me right now." My eyes scanned across the table to everybody's faces. "I know it is for you too," I roughly rubbed at my eyes and then looked to Tara, "I want to work at this, all of it. Let me make this up. Please let me."

Emily looped her arm through mine and leaned in close. Thomas wouldn't meet my eyes but he absently nodded before taking a long chug of beer. Tara gave me the smallest smile and nodded alongside Thomas. I was terrified to look at Abel, I had no idea what to expect from that kid. I willed myself to look at his end of the table and was met with his very own smile. "Make it up then, _Daddy_." Abel joked, causing Thomas to choke on his beer.

"Yeah, Daddy." Tara began to laugh with the kids which of course made me join in. "I guess you're kind of lucky you missed all the teenage stuff." Emily snickered along with her brothers. I knew she was just trying to help further lighten the mood, but it made me incredibly sad. I would give anything to have been there to see them be teenagers. To hold them as babies and be there as they grew. But all I had was now and I needed to change myself and fix what I had fucked up.

Maybe this time I didn't have to fuck everything up. I could change this time around. Change me, my family, and maybe even the club. My eyes fell onto Thomas' cut, and I felt a pang of nostalgia. The comfort of the cut and it's reminder of brotherhood. Everyone knew who you were when you wore it. I almost, dare I say, miss it.

Emily had easily switched the subject by telling us about her new endeavor on reporting about cops' dirty work. The waitress the boys were so into past us in such a way it caught even my attention. My eyes followed her as she made her way to the front of the restaurant and she hugged an older man as he was entering. When she pulled back I saw a face that made my breathing go crazy yet again.

Anthony had just hugged the girl.

Anthony fuckin' Patello.

I gasped for air. A tightness spread throughout my chest causing me to panic. My wild eyes looked at Tara and she jumped across the table to grab my face and coax me into breathing. But I simply couldn't, I couldn't get a grasp on anything. I felt Abel start to drag me out of the booth and then nothing.

Blackness.

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**Mwahahaaaaaa, as you can tell I love a good cliffhanger. So hang in there with me! I have an idea of where this story is going in my head and I'm so excited to write it. I hope you enjoyed and reviews are very appreciated. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay I just want to prepare you for fluff! This chapter is full of fluffy, lovey, mushy, gushy, that I have been dying to write. This story is so layered, much like the show and I'm so excited for it to unfold. **

**I know I left some questions unanswered in this and hinted at some more things to come in the future. Also I apologize for this short chapter but I'm happy with what I wrote. Patience is a virtue!**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Tara POV**

Beeping droned on in the background as I mindlessly looked onto Emily's game she was showing off to us. Some sort of crap about jumping and running over things on her tablet that had her and the boys in a heated competition. The plastic I sat on squeaked with every move I made which only made my ever-growing anxiety heighten with every passing minute.

Here I sat at St. Thomas with my grown children as we awaited the news about their estranged father. You'd figure with two doctors in the family we could pick apart what happened but that stopped being fun about two hours ago. Regret echoed in my every thought, here I was with my family but to Jax it was his kids he barely knew. Jax didn't know that Emily squished her nose when she lies or that Abel is allergic to strawberries. He didn't know that Thomas couldn't stand scary movies. Jax didn't know that what brought me back to Charming, California was more than just to be closer to our kids. Jax didn't have a clue and that was what wracked my mind endlessly.

Jax chose to shut me out and I had no choice but to return the favor. There was no changing what had been done in the past. I couldn't make up the years he lost while behind bars and he couldn't make up the lies and the distance. So when my colleague Dr. Sanchez came out and said that Jackson Teller had a heart attack, I felt as if I was about to be right there with him. Words couldn't escape my frozen self and I waited for some sort of direction. Some way to make it better just as he had promised to do before we ended up here.

"Is he alive?" Abel's voice was mechanical, he was in his doctor mode.

"Yes. But he's out right now he's completely wiped. From what you told us we're figuring it was panic induced along with previous lifestyle choices. Mr. Teller has obviously been through a lot these past two days so we suggest he take it easy. Dr. Knowles, you know the procedures," Dr. Sanchez nodded sympathetically at me and then returned his gaze back to all of us, "Does he have anywhere to stay? Anyone to care for him?"

"Jesus Christ, what the HELL is going on!" A familiar shrill screech sounded off from behind us. I couldn't help but cringe at the familiarity of the tone and the sound of high-heeled boots clicking their way to where my family was seated.

"Gemma," Thomas shot up from the floor and walked past me to greet the very person I dreaded the most at the moment. I knew it was only a matter of time before we caught up. I internally sighed and craned my neck to see Thomas holding her to his chest. Gemma had obviously aged but she definitely had not changed. Long, lean, and covered in black leather. She now donned glasses and ditched the blonde highlights for an all over brunette look that was still obviously not her natural shade.

Gemma Teller-Morrow.

As they pulled away from their hug her searing gaze landed upon me and she pushed her tongue into her cheek before an ever-so-charming eye roll, "Well I'll be damned if our very own sweet Doc is back in Charming." She cocked a hip before placing her hands on them and then looking to the doctor, "Well? Where's my son?" She snapped, clearly irritated.

Before she could notice I desperately tried to catch Emily's attention but she was busy staring at her black-leathered grandmother in amusement. I got her attention eventually and shook my head to her to let her know that right now is definitely not the time to break it to Gemma that she was the granddaughter I hid from her and her son. Emily looked to her feet and then at her brother. Shit. I forgot about Abel.

He had been standing stoically there beside Emily and now had a shit eating grin spread across his face. There was never a way of telling how this kid would handle things. "Grandma?" Abel almost sounded like he snickered her name. Gemma cut off Sanchez's speech about where Jax was going to stay to gape and tear up at the sight of her first born grandson. "Abel?" She gasped and covered her shocked mouth. Gemma then hurriedly rushed to meet up with him for a hug. "Oh baby, oh my goodness. Look at you!" Gemma placed her black painted fingernailed hands on Abel's shoulders and drank him up. They laughed for a moment at their joyous reunion and a pang of guilt made me bite my lip.

The secrets I kept had finally caught up to me just as my nightmares had predicted from over the years. Maybe Gemma really hadn't deserved to be cut off in retrospect but that was probably because I was glorifying the past and forgetting all the awful shit she pulled on me and the boys. For years she had some of SAMCRO keep tabs on me and report back. That was before I filed the restraining orders.

"He can have visitors in about 20." Dr. Sanchez awkwardly interjected. I nodded and gave him a small smile to thank him. I'd have to get more medical details later and pull Jax's file. As I had been mentally rattling off my to-do list, Gemma appeared right in front of me. I snapped to attention and rose to her height. "Hi, Gemma." I tried to sound as friendly as I could but it came out sounding more like a sigh.

"Tara," Gemma eyed me over bitterly then glanced over to Emily. "Who are you?"

God. Some things really never do change, I thought as Gemma barked at my daughter. "I'm, uh, I'm, Emily." She slowly rose up to stand with the rest of us and tugged at her shirt uncomfortably. Gemma shifted from foot to foot, probably trying to find any trace of Jax that she could. I mentally begged Emily not to smile because nothing screamed her Dad quite like her goofy grin. Gemma looked back at me, "Who is she's?" Gemma's pointed finger jabbed in Emily's direction and I sucked in a harsh breath. "Mine." I laughed with no humor and shrugged. Gemma's eyes narrowed bitterly and she looked between all my children.

"Is Jax your daddy?" Gemma stepped to get right in front of Emily but Thomas quickly cut her off, "Look, grandma, we should get Dad a card or something. Like a burger or-"

"Not a burger, he had a heart attack." Abel sarcastically spat at his brother.

"A HEART ATTACK?" Gemma wildly spun around to look at me again.

Could I catch a fucking break?

"Did you not listen to a single word the doctor said?" I snapped incredulously.

"Kinda hard when I saw my grandbabies for the first time in 20 goddamn years." Gemma made a snarl and before I could come up with something snarky, I heard footsteps walking beside me.

"Teller family?" Amy, the shy new nurse, walked cautiously up to us and looked around. "Oh, hi, Dr. Knowles." I smiled the best I could at her and she looked away nervously, "Jackson can have visitors now. You have about an hour." Amy pointed towards the clock that read 9:00 PM.

"Let's roll." Gemma commanded and my kids quickly followed behind her. Emily looked over her shoulder and rolled her eyes.

If only she knew.

I slung my purse over my shoulder and stalked off after everyone. My co-workers all smiled sympathetically at me as I passed and I tried to swallow my annoyance and allow myself to be upset. What a great restart to this job as I follow the biker queen to her gang affiliated son who got me suspended from this very place 23 years ago. In a small town like Charming, it's not like the staff has changed that much if any so their memories were very…sharp to say the least.

I mindlessly entered the room and looked upon Gemma, Abel, Thomas, and Emily gathered around Jax. They silenced when I appeared in the doorway and I couldn't help but feel small under the pressure. What had I gotten myself into? Why couldn't I just have stayed in Oregon?

The constant vibration from my phone in my jean's pocket reminded me of another reason why I was back to the very place I ran from. Along with my kid's as the three of them bounced their eyes back and forth between Jax and I.

"What's up Doc?" Jax's cheesy impression made a smile crawl across my face.

I crossed the room with ease to his side, "It's duck season." He smirked at my lame joke and sat up a little straighter. Jax winced as his body relaxed and I couldn't even fight the urge to protectively grab his hand again.

"I'm all for a nice…" Gemma clicked her tongue, "Family thing but shit is going down back at the club and the monthly reports aren't going to write themselves up. I'll be here first thing tomorrow." Gemma leaned in and kissed Jax's withered cheek and she ran a thumb across it, "Glad you're okay baby." Jax pulled his hand from mine to rest atop Gemma's and he smiled so genuinely at his mom it warmed my heart. "Me too. Love you mom." They smiled at each other one last time before Gemma turned to all of us.

"Bye guys. Hope to see you around more," She smiled at the kids then harshly glared at me, "Talk to you tomorrow Tara." My name sounded like she spit it from her mouth before she expertly left the room, leaving us to try to interpret her hidden meanings in the words she spoke to us tonight. Playing her Gemma games.

Thomas pushed a chair over to me and I exhaustedly threw myself in it, rubbing my hand worriedly over my forehead as my cell phone continued to annoyingly vibrate.

"Did you tell her about Emily?" Jax spoke quietly to me, as if I were the one that needed to be treated with care. I shook my head as Abel spoke up, "No. That didn't seem like too good of an idea."

Jax snorted and winced again, then whispered, "Yeah. Gemma is for another day."

"Maybe you should-" I started but Jax quickly cut me off.

"Thank you guys. For beer and for…tonight. For everything. I'm grateful to have you around." Jax smiled while looking lovingly among us.

"You're ridiculous, of course." Emily placed her hand on Jax's. A thickness coated my throat and tears began to cloud my vision. I cleared my throat to break the silence and shake any visible emotions on my face. I wouldn't let myself cry again.

Thomas patted his knee and declared, "We'll be back tomorrow with Gemma."

Abel pinched at Jax's toe and gave him a subtle smile. There was my sweet boy; I couldn't help but stare at their exchange while Thomas rattled off about what he had to do tomorrow and how he'd bring everybody by.

"Anything for you." My quiet words managed to speak volumes over Thomas' excited list. I meant for them to apply to everything that had happened over the years and they caused the tears in Jax's eyes to fall. He choked on a sob and covered his face. "Thank you. Thank you, Tara." Jax wept into his hand and I couldn't help but think about the high school Jax that stole my heart.

For a moment my mind wandered to all those nights I snuck out to meet him for a midnight ride on his bike. To when he drunkenly stumbled into the punch bowl at prom, causing it to shatter and splash all over the bitch Ashley that picked on me. Or the one time he bought me a fish when my dad refused to get me a dog for the millionth time.

I saw the Jax that I fell in love with, the one that I had missed, and the one I needed right now.

Slowly, and not purposefully, I pulled my aching body up from the tacky hospital seat to go beside him once more. "Mom," Abel stepped worriedly in my direction but I held up a hand to keep him from helping me. If Gemma could still strut around in those damn boots, I sure as hell could pull myself up out of this chair.

"Sleep. We'll be back tomorrow." I softly grasped Jax's hand from his face and squeezed it, "We'll talk more about what this means for all of us." I looked at our kids' faces and gave them a warm smile. Jax's tears slowed and he squeezed my hand in return and cleared his throat.

"Okay, okay. Sounds good." He embarrassedly wiped away at his tears and nodded his head.

"Bye," Abel, Thomas, and Emily all called as they walked out of the room. Leaving me still holding Jax's hand.

"Bye," I echoed their goodbye as a whisper and Jax smirked at me, "Bye Mrs. _Teller_." He wanted to get to me but I decided to just let this one go. Let him have this. I pulled my hand slowly from his grasp and smiled once more. "Sleep Jackson." I commanded in my motherly tone and he bit his lip before pressing the lights button.

When darkness struck the room he sighed, "Goodnight Tara."

Never had I missed him more than in this moment right here, right now. But I willed myself to exit the room and shut the door firmly behind me. My head lulled back and hit the door as I leaned against it, closing my eyes. "Goodnight Jax." I whispered under my breath.

"Let's go to Jax's house and set it up for him." Thomas leaned against the wall and covered for me as to not raise any questions from his siblings. Emily giddily smiled while Abel's eyebrows raised. "Good idea, _let's roll_." I imitated Gemma and we all laughed our way out of St. Thomas.

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**Now that you all have read that fluff, here's mine: ****Thank you all so much for the love on my story. You keep me writing! I enjoy reading all the feedback and it all means so much to me. THANK YOU!**

**PS. (speaking of feedback) I'm thinking up a new story line about high school Tara and Jax...do you think I should go through with it?**


	7. Chapter 7

**Characters belong to Kurt Sutter, FX, etc.**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Abel POV**

God my back fucking ached. Sleeping on the small couch in Jax's living room had not been my first pick but I felt bad enough to take one for the team and attempt to sleep on it. The sun peered in through the windows illuminating the still room. I could feel my heart beat pulsing through my swollen wrist and it's paralyzing pain when I rolled over to get up.

My feet dragged across the plush carpet into the revamped kitchen, I took in the room smirking at the thought of what Jax thought of it. He didn't seem like someone who really needed a pasta arm in his kitchen. I even cringed a little bit at myself for knowing what a pasta arm is, dammit Grace.

My hands reached for the remote that I carelessly turned on and flipped through, as if I really cared about what was appearing in the screen. I settled for some fluffy news program about dogs and kids with special needs while I started up the coffee. It was only 7 AM and if I really thought about it I maybe got 3 hours of sleep. I slumped into a kitchen chair and stared off at the TV like a night light in the darkness.

Suddenly the overhead light came on, causing me to squint my eyes and search for the perpetrator. It was my mom in her tattered robe with her reading glasses still on. "Morning Abel," She hummed and padded over to the fridge. "God there's nothing in here but eggs, milk, and beer." My mom scowled when she checked on the milk's expiration date and then spun around to smile at me. "Ah, yes, coffee. Thank you sweetheart." I nodded and exhaustedly rested my face on my hand, watching as she gathered things throughout the kitchen as if it were her own.

It used to be.

My mom poured the coffee out for the two of us. I took mine black ever since starting med school but my mom still put sugar in hers. She sat across from me and dreamily stirred her mug. "What?" I knew she was just waiting for me to ask but she just shook her head. "You learned to walk in here, ya know. You hit your head on the old kitchen table's leg and freaked the hell out of Unser." She giggled at the memory and I couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Unser?" I asked. My mom sadly looked into her mug and bit her lip, "He passed years ago. He had cancer." Then she looked me dead in my eyes, the most serious I had seen her since the hotel incident, "Wayne Unser was an absolutely amazing man but he could not come, er, wouldn't come with us to Oregon without your grandmother so I had to leave him behind. He helped me out with you and Thomas all the time when we were here." She slowly sunk back into the chair and closed her eyes as she took a long sip from her mug.

I didn't really know what to say. So I didn't say anything.

"Hello?" The door creaked open and Gemma's weathered and raspy voice called into the home. I shot up while my mom eyes remained shut. "Hey," I stepped to her and she gathered me into the same death grip hug she had at the hospital. "Good mornin' honey." Gemma planted a tight-lipped kiss on my cheek and patted my back. As she pulled away, the scent of her perfume flooded my nose, reminding me of memories of years ago. Her carrying me around and handing me shitty, burnt eggs to eat for breakfast. The way the smell would linger when she'd leave me to color with other men, now I can see I had been left with the club. Maybe one of them had been Unser, who knows.

"Tara." Gemma sighed and slung her purse onto the counter.

"Hi, Gemma." My mom ran her fingers through her hair and nodded towards the coffee, "Would you like some?"

Gemma leaned against the counter beside me and angled herself so she could make dead eye contact with my mom. She crossed her arms, "No, thanks. I would like to know what the hell you think you're up to."

My mom scoffed and rolled her eyes in response but this didn't do a thing to phase Gemma, she pressed further, "He's out no less than 24 hours and you come around and he's in a goddamn hospital bed. I hear all this talk about you getting rehired back at St. Thomas and it just doesn't add up puddin' pie. I don't know what kind of white picket fence shit you got planned in that little head of yours but that shit went to hell after you hit the road."

"Gemma," My mother's voice was so acidic it caused my eyes to widen, "I don't know why I'm surprised that you never learned this, but Jax and I can actually think for ourselves and make plans without you being able to get your conniving hands on him."

"Ha," Gemma's dry tone continued to prove her un-phased state, "Does your son know what happened when you first showed back up around here? How he came about?" My eyes shot to my mom but she showed no signs of the reaction Gemma had clearly been counting on because she shut her mouth too.

Gemma crossed the kitchen's floor and placed her hands on the table across from my mom, challenging her. "Does Abel know-"

"GEMMA." My mom smashed her mug so hard against the table it chipped, her dark eyes rose to meet my grandma's. "This isn't anything like what is used to be Gemma, you can't manipulate and tease me to your liking. Please get out." My mom's voice was softer but it certainly was not kind.

Thomas cleared his throat from the doorway of the kitchen, making the three of us snap our necks to attention. "Good morning…" He trailed off smirking and then looked at me questioningly. I quickly turned my attention to the warmth radiating from my coffee cup and took a long sip. I still couldn't look that fucker in the eyes.

"Hi Thomas," Gemma enclosed him in the same hug she had I in but it was much shorter. She then turned to me, "No more fighting you two, I heard about last night. I hear about everything and that will not happen again." Gemma's harsh brown eyes and pointed finger jabbed between Thomas and I. Thomas nodded like an obedient boy but I just shrugged and reached for my phone. Next I knew her hand was on my chin, forcing me to look into her eyes. "I do not play games baby boy. There will be no Teller blood shed at the clubhouse."

I made a face and she dropped her hand, satisfied at my reaction and then patted my chest. "Hand me my purse, would ya?" My hands found it from behind me and I passed it to her eager hands. Gemma gracefully slid sunglasses over her eyes and pulled her purse over her shoulder. "I will see you all at the hospital today, I'm guessing. Tell that Emily girl I said hello when she wakes up. She sure is cute." Gemma winked at my mom's annoyed face and headed out of the house.

Not even a moment of silence passed before Thomas turned to me, "She does that a lot." I rolled my eyes and my mom sighed heavily. "Stop it. Stop it now. Abel you have been a moody piece of shit since we have been here. Get it together, please. It will make this all so much easier."

I choked on the coffee that had been in my mouth, burning down my esophagus while my mother's words burned into my brain. "Well it doesn't feel that fucking great being tricked into meeting a Dad I had no interest in being a part of," I pointedly looked at Thomas then returned my glare to my mom, "Then I get guilted into giving him some kind of shot. Like this can all be made up and we can be some kind of happy family."

"Abel," Thomas started but after making eye contact with me he shut his mouth.

"You're the one who let Thomas turn into what you ran from. Why couldn't you have just let us go on thinking our dad had ran out on us?" I spat, causing my mom to raise slowly from her seat.

I started to storm out of the kitchen when Thomas grabbed my arm, without hesitation I wound my arm back to give him a good one but I felt a soft hand on my elbow. Emily's sad eyes immediately shifted the tension in the room and her concerned touch made me lower my fist. "Good morning," Emily let go and walked over to get coffee. She silently poured herself a mug and I looked over to Thomas who was staring at my mom.

"Sit." My mom commanded the three of us. I decided against being a brat and took a seat beside her. Thomas sat across from her and Emily beside him.

"Look, this is hard, for all of us. I'm sorry this is all happening the way that it is but I just really think that Jax at least deserves a chance to know you," I felt her eyes on me but she continued, "I know you're all grown and can make your own decisions but it means a lot."

"I know," I sighed, my hands ruffled through my short hair before I squeezed her shoulder. My mom didn't deserve my rage and honestly, Jax didn't really either. But Thomas…

I cleared my throat and focused on cheering my mom up but Thomas interrupted, "It's not my fault Abel came to the shop to kick my ass. I didn't do anything to-"

"Thomas!" Emily shouted, causing everyone but me to jump.

Yesterday when I had shown up to the Teller-Morrow Automotive Repair I planned on just looking around with Emily. Maybe we'd talk to a few of the guys but it would be complicated since we were still keeping it under wraps about Emily. We both still weren't completely sure who knew what.

When we arrived all the garage doors were shut closed and I assumed they had closed up for the day. But just as I was urging Emily that we should come back the next day, we both heard men's voices coming from inside the office building. Before I could stop snooping Emily she took off towards the door so I had no choice but to follow. And if I was being honest, I really did want to check it out also.

We peeked inside the dimly lit room and saw a bar littered with empty bottles and a pool table with scattered balls all over it. Everything looked as if they had just left. So where had the voices come from? Emily and I made confused eye contact when we distinctly heard Thomas' voice yell, "I DON'T FUCKING CARE." So of course Emily snuck inside and towards the double wooden doors on the opposite side of the room. Beside the doors hung dozens of mug shots with my father's face at the very top. I couldn't help but smirk at how the picture looked just like me, minus the long locks. And how a similar picture was placed on my hospital's wall but I wasn't exactly holding up a nameplate.

Emily pressed her ear to the door and waved for me to follow suit but I just impatiently stood with my hands in my pockets. "Abel!" She urged and pulled me to listen, so I pressed my ear to the door right along with her.

"It's not that easy, Tommy boy, you gotta just let it all play out. With your daddy back, we don't know what will happen." A man in a deep Scottish accent listed off.

"Jax would rather me have the presidency a thousand times over Juice Ortiz. Are you serious?" Thomas retorted.

President? Emily quickly grasped my arm, she knew that his words would make me blow up. I shoved her off and stormed out of the building. I didn't know what I was capable of doing at that moment. My baby brother, President of fuckin' SAMCRO.

I didn't understand the politics of this life or what that would entail exactly but I knew that he was signing some kind of death sentence. Set up to be exactly like the father we just met. I couldn't get a grip on how all of this was all so okay with Thomas and why it wasn't with me. Why couldn't my mom have just left us out of this?

So I leaned against the front doors and impatiently waited for Emily to get her ass outside. I tried my best to keep my mind off of what was happening inside but I couldn't keep it from racing. Naturally I began to anxiously pace back and forth, but nothing soothed me. The sound of a car driving up startled me, I looked over and saw my mom's car. What was she doing here?

She had the same question for me. My mom came speed walking up to me, she must've sensed something was off with me. I wasn't too good at hiding it from her. "Abel?" She questioned but I just pointed haphazardly to the building. "Emily's in there waiting for Thomas. I'm waiting out here because they're having some kind of meeting." I answered and my mom's eyes widened in response.

"Oh. Church." My mom waved off like I should know exactly what I she was talking about. My eyebrows furrowed but she just shook her head and opened the door, "Come inside, you can get a beer. You look like you need one." Her eyes lingered on my swollen and stitched hand. So I hesitantly agreed and went with her.

Emily quickly appeared by my side as we approached the men gathered around the bar. "Mom!" Thomas cheered and came up to bear hug her. "Hey Abel." I waved at him and the men gathered around.

"No shit." The Scottish man grinned and stepped forward with a hand shoved in my direction, "Chibs, nice to see you again Abel." I shook his calloused hand and then another man stood beside him, with long greased back salt and pepper hair. "Hey man, I'm Opie." I shook his hand and then moved on to a chubby man in a wheelchair. "Bobby. Good to see you Abel." His hand was as rough as Chibs and I saw he was missing a pinky. "Tig, good to see you're not shitting in diapers anymore." Tig's grip was hard and he got a laugh out of me. Such a weird group of people, I couldn't really imagine any of them on a motorcycle. But then again, I never really saw Thomas either.

The men all gathered around my mom and laughed between each other but my eyes stayed on my brother's. Thomas always had a way of being so carefree, I hadn't known him to ever get defensive or get violent with anyone other than me. And only if I instigated it. What did he have against this Juice guy? And where was he? Emily stood uncomfortably beside me and grabbed for my arm, so I pulled her in. I knew she felt unbelievably out of place just as I was. Everyone's eyes then fell on her.

"Is that your girl Abel?" Bobby grumbled happily and smirked. Thomas grinned and Emily and I dropped each other's grip and cracked up. Emily and I looked nothing a like so it wasn't an uncommon question we were asked. "No, uh…" Emily started and glanced at my mom.

"She's Jax and I's daughter." My mom smiled proudly and silence fell over the men gathered around. "No fuckin' way." Tig gaped at my mom and then back to my sister. "She looks just like you Tara." Opie smiled and stuck a hand out to her. Emily then was introduced to all of my father's generation of SAMCRO.

"We got some shit to show you Tara. Kids have some beers." Bobby waved off and then lead everyone back down a hallway. Leaving the three of us awkwardly standing beside the bar. Thomas seemed put off at us being at a place that was his territory. I quickly got to business before Emily would get a chance to cut me off.

"President?" I accused and Thomas just rolled his eyes at the matter. Playing it off as if I were the annoyance in his life and not the other way around. "What does that mean Thomas?" Emily actually sided with me, earning a surprised glance from both Thomas and I. "It means that I can be in charge and do a better job than anyone before. Way better than the President now." Thomas looked between our confused faces and threw his arms up, "Look it's more complicated than I can just sit around and chit chat about. I just know that I can bring good things to the club."

"Good things?" Emily repeated. Thomas was coming off fishy and I could feel the anger from earlier boiling in my blood. "There are no good things. Our dad spent 20 years in prison for it. Do you see what those guys look like?" I shot back, trying my best to reason.

"It takes a toll on you to work for something. Look at you Abel, you lost all the humanity about you going to med school and all. It's like everything but anger was wiped from your circuit board." Thomas quipped but I impatiently sucked in my cheeks. He always got defensive when he was hiding something.

"Do you know who Grace _is_ Abel?" Thomas snapped at me and I was quick to turn and walk out. I was not having this conversation with my potential criminal of a little brother.

"Your girlfriend's daddy is the reason why ours was locked up. He plotted and twisted a knife into Jax's back and you're laying the pipe." Thomas yelled after me, hot on my heels. My feet stomped across the pavement as I tried to channel my anger into getting me to the car. I already fucked up my hand so I really didn't have time for causing any more damage to myself.

"Here I am Abel, living out our dad's legacy and doing your job. I stepped up while you're going around thinking you're the shit because you pushed your family away to cut people open." Thomas was so explosive. His words shocked me one after the other. He wanted me to snap and had no problem ignoring our little sister's pleas for us to cut it out.

"You're the most selfish son of a bitch to walk the planet." Thomas caught up to me and spat right in my face.

I lunged. All I could feel was the pulsating from my wrecked hand as Thomas took blow after blow after blow.

At one point my face stung as heh shoved it and slammed it to the gravel.

He shouldn't have talked about Grace.

He shouldn't have tried to make it seem like he was some kind of god dammned "family hero."

And now I sit at an unfamiliar kitchen table with my family staring at the motherfucker while our sister tells us we should get going to the hospital.

"The new guys are coming," Thomas nodded to my mom and she replied with a tight smile. "Yeah. Today should be tons of fun."

Then she leaned in, Emily and Thomas imitated her while she had to push me in with her. "We stick together okay?"

All of us nodded and she patted each of our hands, "We can get through this and figure it out. We will get through this." My mom seemed to be talking herself into it more than anyone. So we all headed in separate directions to get ready for our hospital visit.

This was bound to be a total shit show

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**Cliffhanger again mwahahah, I promise to make it up with an awesome chapter 8 filled with lots of Tara/Jax, Gemma/Tara, and of course kid drama. Thanks for hanging in there and for all the support. I'll maybe explain Grace some more ;) **

**ALSO! About the high school Tara and Jax...I need some help with inspiration. I can't really think up a good enough plot line that isn't like every other SOA fanfic. PM me if you think you have something. I'd possibly even be down to co-write with someone if anyone is interested. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you all for the reviews! Lovin' the support. **

**I want to give two special shout outs, one to someone who gives me the most outstanding and positive reviews that keep me going: NaeNae78. THANK YOU, I can't say it enough.**

**And also to my friend simplyaprillyn. First of all she rocks and second of all check out her story Love Like Crazy. She's an _awesome_ writer. (also I'd like to thank her for the support also)**

**Characters aren't mine.**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Jax POV**

"You can't smoke in here ma'am." The young agitated nurse quipped at Gemma for the third time today.

"Christ!" My mom stomped out her cigarette on the floor much to the nurse's disdain. Gemma yanked out another pack from her purse and motioned that she was leaving. All I could do was nod.

I hated this feeling of helplessness that overwhelmed me. When I was in prison, there were schedules and things to accomplish. Once I got away from Stockton I eventually came to meet a few friends. But here I was at home feeling all alone. As I wallowed in my self-pity, Chibs stuck his head through the door and Tig smushed his face against the glass, jerking his nose up like a pig's.

"JACKSON TELLAAAA EVERYBODY!" Tig yelled as the club filed into my room. Opie apologetically smiled at me while Bobby rolled behind them in his wheelchair, shaking his head. Behind Bobby were 4 new, younger guys I didn't recognize. My eyes settled on the one who had short blonde hair with the Sargent at Arms patch on.

"I'm Markus but you can call me Mac." Mac stepped forward to shake my hand; I couldn't find the words to say. Who the hell was running this club? Juice as president, my son as VP, with this goofy looking kid as Sargent? My eyes went to Opie who just shrugged and then turned to hide the rubber glove box before Tig could get to it.

Where the hell even was Juice?

"I'm Jay." A stoic, dark haired man stepped up and shook my hand. He hadn't cracked a smile since he'd been in the room. "This is ol' stick up his ass." Bobby cackled which got everyone else laughing.

"I'm Silver." A guy older than the previous two stepped beside me to shake my hand. Silver had an odd silver patch on the side of his head but he couldn't be older than 35. His handshake was strong and he reeked of cigarettes. Silver definitely seemed like someone who should be in SAMCRO.

"I'm Miles." This kid waltzed up to the other side of my bed with the biggest grin on his face, and just as I was about to say something he grabbed my hand, shook it, and said, "I'm Thomas' best friend. But we've all heard a lot about you." He motioned his shoulder length black hair towards the group.

"Well, I'm Jax Teller." I motioned to myself lying in the hospital bed and Bobby rolled to close which knocked Tig onto the bed. Chibs then proceeded to pretend to hump him as Silver slapped Chibs on the ass. Everyone cracked up except, of course, Jay. Who just crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Um, hello," A familiar voice sung from the doorway, I whipped my head in Tara's direction where she stood with the kids.

"Hey Dad!" Thomas peered over Tara's shoulder and waved. Then he pushed past her to hug all the men gathered around. Abel stepped in and proceeded to get tackled by everyone. Silver, Mac, and Miles tossed a dozen questions his way. The whole room was buzzing with laughter and talking while I just sat there soaking it all in. The lonely feeling that had burned me moments before now was long forgotten, and this is what SAMCRO was supposed to be about. What it should always be about.

I hadn't realized that Tara and Emily had entered the room because I was too busy watching as Opie tried to trip up Bobby's wheelchair with Mac's help.

"Hey, do you need water or anything?" Emily asked from beside me, I smiled up at her and shook my head. "Nah darlin', as long as you're here. Do you want something? I think I've got some cash in my wallet over there." But Emily just smiled back and shrugged, "We can just order some pizza later or-"

"Well I'll be damned if it isn't the whole kit and caboodle." Gemma boomed, cutting Emily off. "I knew you had to be a Teller, you've got your daddy's smile, you know that?" Everyone parted the goddamn red sea for Gemma as she strutted her way to Emily to pull her in for a hug. "Your mother never came across as much of an adulterer but really, who knows?" Gemma gave her a big kiss on the cheek and turned to narrow her eyes at Tara.

After Tara spilt the beans at Teller-Morrow yesterday, it was only a matter of time before that shit got back to Gemma. But Tara didn't seem anxious or intimidated in anyway. In fact, she almost looked like she was challenging Gemma to say something.

So before another family fight broke out I spoke up, "Hey guys, thanks for coming and it was cool to meet you new guys," I nodded towards Mac, Jay, Silver, and Miles. "But how about you guys get back to the club house. I'll come by when I'm discharged here pretty soon."

They all sulked over to say bye, sad to miss the show. "Nice to meet you." Mac winked at Emily. I almost lunged out of bed when Thomas shoved him out of the room, "Get out of here asshole!" And then smiled at Emily to comfort her. I can't imagine how awkward she must've felt. I also felt an enormous amount of pride at Thomas watching out for his little sister.

After everyone filed out, Tara spun around to face Gemma. Both their arms were crossed but I felt like all of us in here, nothing to bad would happen? Hopefully?

"This is some sick game you're playing here. Keeping the kids from us and then getting all those restraining orders. Do you know what that did to me? They're my _grandchildren_." Gemma's fire was at full force, she was using guilt to try to get at Tara.

"Grandchildren who needed to grow up away from all of this. Look, we're all here now. I'm not apologizing for a thing I did. Make what you can with what you have." Tara snapped. Gemma wasn't visibly dumbfounded but I knew Tara had fried her since she didn't have an immediate comeback.

"So what exactly is your plan? Hm? Going back to play doctor at the local hospital so you can get all in our shit again?" Gemma placed her hands on her hips and motioned towards Thomas and me with her head. But Tara just rolled her eyes, "I needed to come back someplace that felt like home. I wanted to be there when Jax met his kids so we could all work through this. I-"

Gemma stepped into her face, "You are not his wife. You are not his family. You are not my family. I don't know who you think you are now bitch but you will not fuck with my club or my boys."

"Mom! Jesus Christ! I'm 55 goddamn years old now I think you need to step off a bit." I exhaustedly combed my fingers through my hair and my mom just kept her narrowed gaze on me, "You, Jackson, are a hot mess that's for damn sure. And the last thing you need is this bitch stirring up old shit again."

"Stop it! Stop calling her a bitch!" Thomas stepped beside his mom in defense mode, I was glad to have a partner in all of this but Gemma didn't seem as thrilled to have someone else on Team Tara. "Look, Thomas, it's only a matter of time before all the truth comes out and you won't be defending your mama's awful wrongs."

"I was in jail all that time because I was set up. I told your mom to take you kids and get as far away from this as possible. I didn't let her visit. I didn't want you kids to see me locked up. I didn't know what I was doing and I'm sorry for all this shit I caused. I didn't want you to know a thing about me and so I kept you from your grandmother too, I knew she'd only sing praises." I ranted off, but I just kept my eyes on Tara's green ones. Her face never changed, she just stared at me, like she couldn't believe I was actually there. I was helping her do all of this.

"Jackson." Gemma gasped out but even then my eyes never left Tara's. Emily placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed but all I could see was Tara Knowles smiling back at me. Thomas moved beside me, along with his brother Abel but Tara pushed her tongue to her cheek like she was the cat who ate the canary. She was my center in chaos, in this universe, and in a time like this I wanted to be ferociously on her side. I wanted her to make no mistake. I was in this with her; we were going to do this together now.

"Thank you." Abel spoke in such a way it pained my heart, only then did I tear my eyes away from her. Our oldest son had tears in his eyes. "I wanted to hear you say it. Hear you say that you were sorry and that you knew this was wrong. That all of this is all wrong."

Shit. He was talking about the club. He was getting into deeper shit than I was willing to right now. My mouth opened and closed as I searched for words to say. "You kept this from me? You knew about Emily? About her keeping the kids away?" Gemma shot venomously at me.

"It was a decision made between my wife and I. I did it to keep her and the boys safe. How the hell was I supposed to know she had a baby? I hadn't been living with her those last few months. I had been in hell mom, absolute hell. Who was I to sentence her and our children to that same thing?" I felt myself growing hotter and hotter while Gemma's eyes got softer and wetter. Tears crawled down her cheeks as she took in all of us standing around.

"But…" Thomas choked as he stared at me. His eyes were full of hurt and anger, like he wanted to reach out and grab me. "No, Thomas, not like that. You are doing exactly what you think is right. I'm so fucking glad you're here. Do you know how fucking proud I am that I walked out to a family like you all? Tara….I…" My words caught up with me and I got that same choking feeling I did at the restaurant.

"His BP is too high, this is too much stress." Tara squinted at the screen I was hooked up to. "Abel, check what's in his IV." Abel fiddled with everything plugged into me but a beeping came overhead.

"Shit. We're gunna get kicked out." Abel mumbled as he hurriedly tried to fix my IV.

I looked to my crying mother and held a hand out for her to grab, which she did quickly. Maybe it was the beeping for the nurses that freaked her out. She probably thought I was dying or some shit but at least it got her over to me. "I'm so, so sorry mom. I knew I'd have to tell this all to you one day but I just needed my prison life and family life to be separate."

Gemma nodded slowly and closed her eyes. When they opened she whispered, "You better never keep another secret like this from me again Jackson Teller, you hear me?" I smiled at her and kissed her hand, "Never again, _Grandma._" I emphasized, knowing it'd get her to smile back.

A nurse poked her head in the room and Abel snatched his hand back to hide that he had been touching things. "You all are going to need to leave now, I'm sorry."

"Bye!" Emily waved with Abel behind her. Gemma squeezed my hand and let go, grabbing her purse on the way out. Thomas hadn't taken his eyes off of me and just stared confused at my words. As if he couldn't believe they had come out of my mouth. He walked out without a goodbye, causing me to worriedly look at Tara.

She had crossed the room to be where Emily had just been and she leaned down to me, "Thomas is very sensitive." She whispered dismissively, easing my anxiety. I felt myself relax at her close proximity and she kissed my cheek. A warmth spread all throughout my body, I made some embarrassing noise as she pulled away and walked out of the room.

Tara Knowles still had it for me.

**Tara POV**

Seeing him there in that bed just did things to me I couldn't explain. Jax stood up for me to his mother, which always got him brownie points back in the day, maybe he remembered that. But I highly doubted it, when he spoke his explanation, he did it for the kids too. He did it because he sincerely wanted to and maybe that was why I kissed his cheek.

Maybe it was because even though he has grown old and weathered, I couldn't help but bite my lip imagining the way his stubble hugged his jawline. Or at the way his wrinkles framed his blue eyes. Jax Teller still had this hold on me I'd never be able to shake. That maybe I didn't want to shake.

"Mom! Where are we going to eat?" Emily whined as Abel played music too loudly in the car. "Is Thomas going to meet us?" Abel questioned, turning it up louder to bug Emily. "Where is Thomas?" Emily craned her neck from the front seat to stare at me in the backseat. "Is Thomas riding dad's old bike?" Abel flipped through songs.

I just stared past them and out the windshield, sighing when Emily shut the radio off and they got to screaming. Were they 20 and 25 or 5 and 10? My phone vibrated for the first time all day and I couldn't help but wince as I felt it from my purse.

Nervously, I fished it out to check the ID. Foolishly I had been hoping it'd be anyone but that damn number I had seen day in and day out.

Michael Jones had not stopped calling and would never stop calling.

Jax Teller had a hold on me because just like all those years ago, he was the only one who could protect me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Can't stop, won't stop! Is it bad that I'm addicted to writing these stories? Thanks for all the support.**

**Again, special thank you to _simplyaprillyn_, GO READ HER STORY. SERIOUSLY.**

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**Thomas POV**

This brooding feeling lingered after my every thought, I couldn't shake my father's words. How "_I was doing what I felt was right_."

A week ago I shot a man in the back of the head point blank. Warm crimson had stained my white shirt and splattered across my face. The feeling of the blood crusted in my hair haunted me but a gun to my own head couldn't get me to admit that.

I did not do that because it _felt right_.

I did it because I'm a Teller and everyone always tells me so. I'm in the Sons because it's where I belong and where I was born to be. Abel…I was beginning to sound just like him. All dark and twisty throughout every crevice of my mind.

I wasn't being myself and I hated it. I hate every single fucking waking second of it.

I stood up straight from the pole I had been leaning on, my back had been to the auto shop. It had been 5 days since we all went and saw Jax. His condition was on the come up, finally, and I wasn't too sure what came next. All the anxiety of the changes that were bound to happen wracked my insides, but I swallowed it down with the cold beer in my hand. Not today. Today Emily was stopping by to hang out with Gemma and help her do the office shit again. Er, whatever the hell it is Gemma actually does around here.

Abel had gone back to L.A. two nights ago because he needed to show up for an emergency appendectomy he was in charge of for his first solo surgery. Woo. Go Abel.

Meanwhile, Mom was back at her post at St. Thomas. Gemma still wasn't very happy about Mom being back in her turf but Opie talked to her and she hasn't said much about it since. I even heard Silver crack a joke about Tara being the new head bitch and Gemma didn't even flinch.

"Ey, Tommy, let's get this baby inside. She needs a tune up." Chibs cornered me and shoved the keys to a rusty, red station wagon in my hands. I groaned and rolled my eyes, "What a piece of shit. You know, it's a good thing I don't get paid to be a mechanic." I yelled over my shoulder as I walked up to the hunk of junk. Chibs and Silver cackled from behind me and I couldn't help but smile also.

As Chibs drunkenly tried to direct me into backing in the shop, Emily came inside with a Coke in her hand. She was wearing girly stuff, kinda, which was off for her. I guess? I never paid much attention to what my sister wore but for whatever reason it caught my attention today. "Em!" I yelled out over Chibs, causing him to jump back. "Jesus Christ, ya l'il shit!" Chibs clung to his chest and turned to look at Emily.

"Well looky here lass! Lookin' awful purty today aren't we?" He jokingly whistled and waved to her. Emily awkwardly laughed and waved back, "Thomas, where's Grandma?" She desperately searched around. Chibs' whistle and freak out had caused all the middle-aged men working to stare at her bare legs. She was wearing these short little shorts like she was in some kind of music video.

I turned the car off and quickly got out, shoving the keys back into Chibs' hands. Much to his dismay that he loudly vocalized as I charged up to my sister. "Get inside, what the hell do you think you're wearing?" I hissed quietly into her ear. Emily followed me into the office where Gemma was typing away; her glasses slid off her nose just a tad when she noticed our presence. "Honey, if you're here for crow eater training you're in the wrong part of the auto shop." She quipped, taking in Emily's appearance.

She was wearing this flimsy, thin orange tank top with her shorts that rode up her ass. I felt skeeved just thinking about it. She also donned these girl shoes that made her legs look long, I guess. Bottom line, my sister bared a creepy close resemblance to a hooker to be just helping our grandmother out. "You're not the boss of me." She whined as she fought the grip I had on her shoulder. "I just wanted to look cute, plus it's hot as Hades outside."

Gemma sucked her cheeks in and cleared her throat, "We're not outside sweetheart. I think we need to put a little jacket on or something. Just to keep the dogs at bay." Gemma's tone was sweet but direct and got Emily to listen. She just sighed and nodded so I hurriedly went to the closet to hand her some old beaten up sweatshirt. "Thanks." She mumbled and plopped down on the couch beside our Grandma's desk. "My fingers are hurtin' real bad this morning baby, could you type up these reports for me?" Gemma held up a small stack and Emily hungrily snatched them up.

I grabbed Gemma's arm and got her over to the door by the garage and whispered, "Watch out for her. I'm going on a run with Opie, Silver, Tig, and Jay." I pointedly said Jay so she'd know that it was serious and not to ask questions. She rolled her eyes at me and patted my back, "Of course, young prince. Go do business." She waved me off and I rolled my eyes back at her before smiling as I made my way back into the garage.

"Out!" Tig ordered the mechanics to scram. They did as they were told and rushed out the back to sit at the picnic tables outside. Tig, Opie, Silver, and Jay all gathered up with me around the hideous red station wagon. "What's the deal with Antonio?" Tig spoke softly his eyes searching for Chibs or Bobby.

Luckily, the two of them had headed out to tow a truck about a half hour ago. We had time on our side.

"His daughter Grace is waitressing over at O'Toole's. She was our server the night Jax's heart went kaput. Antonio had stopped by that night to say hello to his daughter, according to what Jax told Opie." I explained then looked over to a worried Opie. Oh god. Here we go.

"Look, I don't think it's a good idea to get into shit with the Italians. _Again_. Your pops just got out Thomas, it's just not worth it." Opie tried to explain. But there was a reason I had Tig, Silver, and Jay with us, I knew that they had the ferocity to track him down and figure out his exact whereabouts without much being said. Opie on the other hand…not so much. That obviously also went for Chibs and Bobby.

"We should just follow Grace." Jay deadpanned, ignoring Opie's pleas to leave it be. I looked at him then back to Opie. His sad eyes caused me to think over what I was putting in motion. "Could we snatch her up?" Silver suggested but I was too quick and harsh to shut him down. "God Silver, no. We're not taking the girl."

"Geesh, what's the deal Thomas?" Tig was annoyed with me going back and forth.

I thought it was what my dad would've wanted, but he said that he didn't want me in SAMCRO. My original thought process had been avenging my father but also myself as I didn't have him growing up. Everything I had thought before had been shot to hell since his release. Maybe Opie did have a point…I looked back at him for some kind of sign but he just stared blankly at me.

"Grace is Abel's girl. They've been dating almost a year. She's at USC too." I ran my fingers through my hair to try to ease my frustration. I couldn't just stalk the poor girl, she'd be in the cross fire of a real dangerous situation. But then again, her dad put her there.

My mind briefly went to Abel but I quickly dropped it as Juice stepped from behind a silver Toyota several cars down. "This is not church." He slowly prowled up to our group. I crossed my arms to show I wasn't into negotiating but everyone else stepped back a bit. Quickly, I looked to Jay for support but he kept his gaze on Juice. Shit.

"There will be no Antonio business taken care of with _my_ club. There will be no blood on _my_ club's hands without a vote. Teller, you are _not_ President. You can't make these calls. Who the _hell_ do you think you are?" Juice was inches from my face, he practically spit every word trying to get a reaction from me.

Well, it worked. I lunged but Silver and Opie aggressively held me back, I couldn't fight them off. I ached to pound Juice's smug face into the cold cement floor.

"_Your _club?" Fire rose up through my voice, I continued to try to fight my way out of Opie and Silver's grip but there was no use.

"Look, Thomas, your dad is still undecided business. We don't know what we're gunna do with him. So before we start sending out hunting dogs we gotta make sure the prey is worth the bullets." Juice shoved his hands confidently inside his pockets.

I hocked a loogie and deliberately spat it beside his right boot. Juice flinched and the next thing I knew I was on the floor of the shop. "Fuck!" I yelped, his ring had sliced my eyebrow and blood began to pour down my face. I began to scramble to my feet but Silver and Opie had me in their clutches again. I thrashed and yelled until Gemma and a wide-eyed Emily came charging into the garage.

"Thomas! I said no more fights goddammit!" Gemma screamed. I instantly quit my fight to break loose and Silver and Opie slowly let me out of their grasp. Gemma stomped up to us standing in the middle and pointed a finger, "Let the mechanics do their job. Do club shit on club time." We all slowly nodded our heads and she looked beside herself to scoff at the station wagon, "God this is a piece of shit." And with that she marched back towards her office. Emily rushed to my side with paper towels and some rubbing alcohol.

"Ouch." She muttered as she dragged me over to sit. We made our way to the back of the garage by a random and rickety bench pressed against the wall. I rolled my eyes as she sat beside me and insisted I let her examine my cut. "Last I checked you weren't one of the Dr. Tellers." I snapped and Emily furrowed her eyebrows to angrily glare at me. "Sorry." I quietly apologized and she resumed working on my eyebrow.

"What is the deal? Why didn't Juice go to the hospital and why did he punch you today?" Emily was catching on easier than I thought she would. Emily was a lot more receptive than I gave her credit for and although I was sorry for it, I wished she wasn't so smart. More than anything, I wanted to protect Emily from all of this. I debated on lying but I knew she'd see right through me.

"Antonio set dad up forever ago with his step-dad and then President of the MC, Clay Morrow. Gemma's last husband?" I checked her facial expression to make sure she had a grip on what I was talking about and she just nodded her head like it was common knowledge. So I continued, "Well he's in town. And he's Abel's girlfriend's dad and Jax is out to kill. Juice is all against it because it'll fuck up this little drug run he's trying to set up. Which Clay previously attempted and what got himself and our dad fucked over. Not to mention the club." Emily patted a Band-Aid on my eyebrow as if I'd keep it on and just closed her eyes.

"Make it right Thomas, I know you can." Emily squeezed my shoulder and gathered the bloodied paper towels. I watched, speechless, as she made her way back to Gemma's office. I wasn't sure what the hell she meant but I was pretty sure…

"Thomas! Church. In 2 hours!" Tig yelled across from the garage door he had just opened. The mechanics started filing back in and my eyes searched for my best friend Miles. Why hadn't I seen him?

"You're so much like your dad, you know that?" Opie chuckled from beside me. I hadn't noticed his presence as I poked and prodded at the soreness from my eyebrow. I had heard it a million times over. Ever since I had been patched in.

I let my silence be my answer and Opie took out his cigarettes to light one. He inhaled deeply and stared at me. "You're being weird. Different. Explosive." He emphasized each word with the flick of the ashes from his cigarette falling to the dusty floor that I had just been on. I watched them go from dull orange embers to nothing and then looked back at Opie. "Is it your dad?" He inhaled deeply again and watched my face.

So I covered it with the palms of my hands. I leaned forward and just closed my eyes for a second, to gather my thoughts. Slowly, I sat up straighter and raked my fingers through my hair exhaustedly, "It's everything Op. My whole family is out of whack and they're all here. We're all back in Charming. And when dad gets out of St. Thomas who knows what the hell will happen?" I kept my eyes on my shoes.

"Does your mom still love him?" Opie wasn't one to be so blunt, so his words took me by surprise.

Did she?

I shrugged, not really wanting to complicate my thoughts any further. I hadn't even factored that in.

Opie sighed and leaned back, his back pressing against the filthy Teller-Morrow's wall. "It'll work all out kid. Just hang in there."

I grunted in response and stormed past everyone to get on my bike. I just needed to get away. Again.

"2 hours Teller!" Bobby shouted from the table of members gathered around the picnic tables. Juice sat with his hands on his face, purposefully showing the ring with my blood on it.

Fuck this.

**Emily POV**

His warm, calloused hands traced the insides of my thighs while his rough jaw rubbed my neck raw from the kisses. I yelped when he shoved my back onto the blue wall of the newly refurbished extra room in the back of the clubhouse. I hadn't been back here before and when he suggested it, I couldn't deny that I couldn't guess where he was headed.

And he was still headed there.

My orange tank was slowly lifted from my stomach by his gentle fingers as he trailed hot kisses down to the top of my shorts. "Fuck, Emily." He hissed before kissing his way back up to meet my lips. My fingers wove in his short blonde hair as we desperately drank each other in. We only had a few more moments before I had to leave.

"Are you coming by tomorrow?" He gasped between kisses. I nodded and forced him to stand still so I could get down to my knees and pull at his pants. "No, Emily. No." He chanted but he didn't sound like he had much fight in him. I bit my lip and looked up into his hazy blue eyes as I slowly pulled his jean's zipper down.

"Miles! Church!" Bobby's raspy voice called from the bar room of the clubhouse. I sighed and rocked back to sit on my butt. Miles quickly yanked his zipper up and cleared his throat, "Okay!" Miles reached his hand down and tapped at my shoulder trying to get my attention, "Hey, hey." He cooed softly.

What the fuck was I doing?

My hair was in knots so I quickly swept my rat's nest into a bun and avoided eye contact. "Emily, come on." Miles bent down and grabbed my face, trying to get me to look at him. I let my eyes wander to his and guilt overwhelmed me.

My brother's best friend.

"S-sorry." I choked on my attempt at trying to pull off a cool act. I had only been here 5 days and already I had gotten tied up with a boy. He ran his thumb across my cheek patiently and a small, sympathetic smile spread across his face. "You're fine. How about we just….just, stop for a bit?" Both our breathing patterns had yet to return to normal and before I could answer, Tig swung the door wide open.

"Hey—Oh! Shit. My bad." Tig hurriedly slammed the door and I shot past Miles to follow behind him. I grabbed the leather of his cut and halted him to a stop in the back hallway. "No! Tig! No! It's not, it's not what it looked like. It's not." I quietly pleaded for him to hear me out.

Miles stood behind me and nodded, "She just wanted the tour. I was showing her pictures. Is Thomas back?" He was better at this, much calmer. Smoother.

He was smooth with everything.

The way he smiled at me that day we met in the hospital, the way he sounded when he called last night, the way he found some excuse to get me away from Gemma and all to himself.

Miles Turner was dangerous and I couldn't help but find myself thirsty for more. When he patted my shoulder as a goodbye, I fought an instinct to reach out and grab his hand for a better farewell.

Tig shrugged and looked between the two of us, "None of my business anyways." He scoffed then shuffled off the join everyone else in that room behind the double doors. Miles discreetly turned and held up his hand to his ear signaling that he'd call me later. I bit my lip worriedly and he just kept on his merry way behind those doors.

Shit.

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**Sneaky Emily huh? I hope you all are able to tell how much Thomas and his father are alike. Well, at least I hope that is coming across in my writing. Next chapter will have Tara and Jax lovey goodness. Thanks for reading! I LOVE reviews :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Lovey goodness.**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Tara POV**

One night, out of all the nights I had been with Jax Teller, stuck out in my mind. It was a few months before his incarceration and it had been two weeks since he had slept in our bed with me. Jax swung and slammed the front door louder than I ever thought possible. He tossed his shoes and things to the ground with loud thuds and I just lay there. Patient and still, waiting for his next move while also praying he didn't wake the sleeping boys. Was he going to sleep on the couch like he had been, or was he actually going to come in here to talk to me?

Jax began to whistle and I cringed when I realize it was a little past midnight. I was about to yell at him when he appeared in the doorway, slouched, leaning and reeking of tequila and weed. I scoffed and closed my eyes. I didn't want this Jax. I hadn't been missing this Jax. But he thundered over and plopped his drunken self onto the bed. Jax then cuddled into me, like I was going to keep him there. When I snapped around to yell at him, his face stopped me.

Worry, regret, and fear contorted his face causing my breath to escape. Jax's blue eyes were indescribable. There is never another shade to ever put them to justice for comparison. And while blue eyes are usually associated with ice and sadness, Jax Teller's eyes were the warmest I had ever seen. But that night, they were hollowed out in a haunting and paralyzing way. It was as if someone had scooped Jax out of himself.

Words couldn't come to me so I just stared. Stared at this man I had promised to love forever. At Jackson Teller who was probably one of the most lost souls I had ever met. Hesitantly, I reached out my hand to rest on his cheek. Jax pressed against it and closed his eyes. My heartbeat increased when the pain that harbored in his eyes was now written all over his face. Jax Teller was in pain and no matter how things had been between us, I couldn't stand for it.

"You're…you're my home Tara Knowles. Be with me. Stay with me." Jax whispered into the dark of our bedroom. My arms immediately swallowed him up; I couldn't find the right thing to say in return so I simply just held him. We didn't cry, we didn't talk, and we sure as hell didn't fuck but if this was what he needed I was going to give it to him.

Somewhere in that night, I had fallen asleep just like he had. But when I awoke, he was nowhere to be found. Jax never answered me all day after my endless phone calls. He never came home that night either. And from that night on, all I got were fleeting moments between us. Just glimpses of the Jax I fell in love with. Until he went away.

When he told me to protect our children, I did. But I didn't know he meant never speaking to him for 20 years. Maybe it was for the best and maybe it wasn't. But all I had was what I did 20 years ago. These fleeting moments like the way he'd look at me or say my name like I was his.

My ass ached from the lumpy, cheap chair I was sitting on in Jax's hospital room. He was getting released tomorrow and I got off work about 2 hours ago. I told myself I was just checking on him before going home but I couldn't get myself out the door to leave him behind.

What was home to me? What was home to him?

Subconsciously I began to trace my ring finger with my thumb at the achingly empty space where my old wedding band used to be. Maybe if I thought hard enough, it'd reappear.

"Tara?" Jax croaked out, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He looked at me dazzled, like he couldn't believe I was in here. Honestly, I couldn't either.

"Oh, hey. I uh, just wanted to check and make sure you were doing alright." I awkwardly found my footing and scratched at the back of my head. Jax patted his bed without another word, signaling me to come sit beside him.

If I gave in now there was no turning back. If I sat beside him on that bed, I was going to fall back into everything I had pulled myself from and built without. Jackson Teller, Gemma Teller-Morrow, and the Sons of Anarchy were some kind of sick, twisted, unholy trinity that you couldn't have one without the other.

"I should maybe go. I need to call Abel, see how his day was. He did his first solo surgery this morning." I looked in his general area but not directly at him.

"Just, Tara, come here." Jax patted the spot again.

Jax and I had some sort of gravitational pull. He was the moon and I was the sea. Without a word or an effort, he controlled my every move. For a long time I did without him and it felt good. To be independent, to be on my own, to feel accomplished. But there was no fighting Jackson Teller. I didn't have any fight left in me.

So should I sit on the damn bed, or run for my life?

I was zoned out but I could here Jax thumping away at the empty spot on his bed.

So I sat. Right there, right beside him. And completely and utterly lost my shit.

Sobs wracked my body just as they had that day at the hotel. Tears and snot and slobber blended together and I knew I looked like a hot freaking mess. Jax gathered me up and ran his hand over my hair, trying to soothe me. But it did nothing, I couldn't quiet my cries.

Jax Teller was no savior but he sure as hell was all I had.

Jackson Teller was all I ever wanted.

When we met in high school, I thought, this is it, he's the one. Which is ridiculous at such a young age but I knew he would be all I ever needed. That he'd do anything for me. Somehow we got lost along the way. Jax was too deep in the club with no way out. I, on the other hand, was harboring too many grudges. Keeping track of all his lies, late nights, and absences.

So who was in the wrong? Was it I for allowing him to cut the kids and I off? For keeping his daughter from him? When did we become the old, weathered people that we are?

Was it his fault for choosing the club? For taking the fall for his wrongs to leave his family behind for jail? Did that grant him absolution? The fact that he tried to cut me a break?

My tears were smeared all over his face, his hospital smock, and my hands as I feverishly wiped at them.

"Tara Knowles," Jax whispered softly in my ear, somehow bringing me back. He rubbed circles on my back and held on tighter to my limp body. My arms remained at my sides and I couldn't bring myself to cling to him.

If I clung to him, I'd never be able to let go. And I was not ready to make that sort of commitment.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." His words sang into my ear as he rocked us back and forth. Usually this kind of act would infuriate me but I gave in. Just to be close to him for a little while. This was my glimpse.

"I promise you, I will make things right. I will make things better." He continued, causing me to abruptly pull from his arms.

"Promises, promises Jax." My eyes narrowed, "Every single promise you made me was broken."

Without missing a beat, he grabbed my hand; "I promised I would love you forever. And I never, ever broke that one."

Fuck it.

I smashed my lips against his, hungry for him to fill the holes he had made in me. There was no fix for me besides Jackson Teller.

Our lips moved in perfect time and his fingers weaved through my hair in their familiar path.

And I clung.

There was no going back; there was no going forward without him beside me.

His heart rate monitor went off again but I reached over and clicked it off without ever disconnecting our lips. I didn't want anyone to come in and ruin this.

My glimpse.

Jax's hands grabbed my face as we pulled away. For a moment we just stared at each other. I didn't know what to think about, or say, or do. So I just stared. I watched as his wrinkled eyes drank me in.

"You are my home Tara Knowles. Be with me. Stay with me." He whispered just like he did that night so many years ago.

I slid my hand atop his and gripped onto it for dear life. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here, baby. I'm. Here." I pushed our foreheads together and a devious grin spread across his face.

"Promises, promises Tara." He snickered and I pulled away laughing.

I laughed my way out of his room and to my car.

My glimpse at my Jax Teller.

**Abel POV**

"Abel! Don't!" Grace screamed and giggled as I slung her over my shoulder. She kicked and pounded my back but I just spun her around until I almost fell sideways.

Then I tossed her on the couch, lowering myself on top of her. Her laughter made her body shake and I wrapped my arms around her to hold her close. I shoved my head to rest on her chest and she copied my motions by wrapping her arms around me.

"You're a piece of work Abel Teller." She giggled and squeezed at my back. I looked up at her light brown eyes before shoving my head back onto her chest.

I was completely and utterly exhausted. My first solo surgery had gone flawlessly, I kicked ass in there. It felt amazing to go into that scrub room and forget everything about the club, my dad, my brother, and just be. To save a life and not worry about how our family was going to get our shit together.

Honestly, I should've been sleeping. I had a long night of studying ahead of me but I hadn't seen Grace in about a week, ever since she served my family at the restaurant.

Grace fingered through my hair and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry about your dad."

I winced.

If only she knew who her dad was.

"Thanks," I muttered, my face still resting on her chest. She patted my back to get me to look up at her but I ignored her protest and just held her closer.

"Abel, what's up?" Grace's voice was laced with concern but I just didn't want to go there yet. I didn't want to have to think about the possibility of choosing between her or my family. Of her knowing what her dad does or what both our parents are a part of. I just needed one last normal day in case everything went to shit.

"Nothing baby, just tired." I smiled meekly up at her and although she could tell something was off, thankfully, she let it slide.

"My dad's coming over to my place in a bit for dinner. Can you stop by or do you have work?" Grace had always really wanted me to meet her dad. All this time it had just been because of school or work but now I really couldn't meet him. In case, well, in case Grace said my last name to him.

"Wish I could but I've got to read up on stem cells and—" I started but she squeezed me to shut me up, "Okay, okay Dr. Teller." I smirked and pulled away from her to sit up on my couch. She remained laying down, her brunette hair splattered everywhere on the pillow she was resting on.

"What are you staring at weirdo?" She quizzically tilted her head at me.

I couldn't hide the sadness in my smile when I told her, "A beautiful girl."

She stuck her tongue out at me and reached for the remote, "Grey's Anatomy came back last week! Promise you won't nag about how it's all medically wrong!" Grace flipped the TV on and stretched her legs across mine.

"Anything for you Grace." I laughed and rested my head against the dark leather couch.

I'd do anything for Grace. Anything.

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**Just a heads up, shit is about to go down the next few chapters. ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Jax POV**

Strawberries…?

My eyes shot open at the memory of the smell. But this time it wasn't a vague, fuzzy memory. Tara's hair was knotted and tangled all around my face and up my nose, right at this very moment. Slowly, I pulled my face away since her hair was about to either make me sneeze or choke. My arms were wrapped tight around her waist as if we were 30 all over again.

Fuck.

This. This was what I missed most when I was in jail.

When I had sleepless nights on my cot, I'd often think back to waking up to Tara stirring from the sound of Abel or Thomas' cries. But nothing compared to this feeling I had as I held her in my arms this morning. She was still dead asleep with the tiniest bit of drool crusted on the corner of her mouth. And I couldn't help it, I leaned down and kissed her neck softly.

"Fuck off," She joked, sleepily pulling away from my grasp to shove her face further into the pillow. I couldn't help but pull her back closer to me.

Because that was where she belonged.

"Morning sunshine." I crowed like a rooster and she aimlessly reached back, flailing her arm around trying to hit me but I snaked away each time. Tara rolled over and scowled at me, "You're the worst." And all I could do was kiss her.

God I had missed her.

Here we were back in our old bedroom, just the two of us. I had been released 2 days ago from the hospital and we had been able to sneak around in secret. But today she had to go back to work and I had to go to church at the clubhouse to see what my fate was in the Sons. Needless to say, today was not a day I wanted to face.

"You nervous?" Tara read my mind and reached out to run her thumb across my cheek, she kept her hand there and waited for me to respond. And I really didn't know how to.

Was I afraid of the club or ashamed of it?

When I had been locked away it was so easy to push it away from my mind as far as possible. Never really taking the time to think about the wrongs I committed. The lives lost by my hands or those of the club I was affiliated with. That probably made me seem like a heartless asshole but I just simply couldn't torture myself by rotting away in jail while pondering the coulda, shoulda, wouldas.

Opie needed me in the club. He expected me to walk out those doors of Stockton and straight into the ones of the clubhouse. His expectations were high in the idea that I'd take the seniority over Juice and snatch the gavel from him. I hadn't been submerged enough into club shit yet to understand why Opie wanted me at the head of the table so bad. But it had me worried that he was so adamant and determined that I become President.

I felt uneasy as I threw on my clothes after taking a lonely shower. Tara had already showered the night before and was running late so I was left to bathe solo. I could hear Tara clanging pots and pans around and the smell of coffee invaded my nose but I just couldn't ease my nerves.

"Do you want coffee? Yes or no?" Tara shouted from the kitchen and rather than yelling an answer back I just made my way to the kitchen. I took it all in and breathed in deeply. Here was Tara…my wife? Ex-wife? …Who knows, just Tara Knowles was in… my kitchen? Our kitchen? …This new kitchen making me coffee and I nothing could've made me feel better than that.

"Yeah, thanks." I poured my own cup of black coffee and turned to shove some bread into the toaster. Meanwhile, Tara was quietly humming as she pulled her coat over her shoulders and grabbed her purse.

"Good luck today, be safe. Thomas has been AWOL, so check up and find out why he's been ignoring me. And Abel is still in L.A at work. I think Emily is coming back today. She planned on quitting her job to live here and go to nursing school." She rattled off as she sorted through her purse.

I grabbed her keys from the basket by the phone and placed them in her hand. Tara smiled up hugely at me and I gave her a soft goodbye kiss. "Okay. See you back here later." I cupped her cheeks with my hands and kissed her again before she headed out the door.

"Nursing school?" I yelled after her as the words sunk in. Tara poked her head back in, shrugged, and said, "We're a medical family. Now we just need to get you and Thomas in some scrubs." Tara winked at me as she closed the front door behind her.

I laughed to myself before taking some long sips of the burning coffee. The TV was on showing some drama show Tara must've been into. Some things never change. I reached for the remote to click it off when a suspicious feeling crawled up my spine. Was I being watched?

When the front door opened I couldn't help but be on the defense, I eased my knife out of my back pocket and waited for whoever it was to come in the kitchen. My breathing slowed, I knew the drill.

"Honey?" Gemma peered into the kitchen but jumped back when she saw the knife. "Christ Jax!"

I sighed and tossed the knife to the counter, "Mom! God you can't just sneak up in here. I live here now. A little heads up would be nice."

Gemma sauntered into the kitchen and made a face at the empty coffee pot. "Dr. Knowles drink it all up?"

"Dr. Teller." I corrected her.

Gemma rolled her eyes and threw herself on the chair. "Aren't you getting tired of this mom? We went through this before. Twice. Just leave us alone." My nagging voice came out sounding a lot more like an bratty teenager than an annoyed grown man.

"She ain't your wife buddy." Gemma held up a manila folder and dramatically tossed it back onto the kitchen table in front of her. I crossed my arms, "Mom, enough with the theatrics."

"Just open it." Gemma shoved it further towards the edge. I had to admit I was curious as to what she dug up. So I reached for the folder eagerly and flipped through it. It was full of all these divorce papers with Tara's signature littered throughout. But I wasn't some 20-year-old naïve to my mother's ways anymore. I couldn't be tricked.

"How old is this?" I sighed, annoyed that she even bothered to show it to me. "About a week old. This Michael guy's name is all throughout it." Gemma chomped at her Nicorette gum.

My bones turned to ice at the mention of Michael's name. We hadn't brought him back up since that night at O'Toole's. But I wasn't going to let Gemma know she was phasing me. "Well look where we are now. She never had them delivered to me in prison." I sat in the chair across from my mother and then something hit me. "How did you even get these?" I thumbed through them and I could tell they were all originals. No copies in the stack at all.

"It showed up in the Teller-Morrow mailbox yesterday and I just got to looking through it today. I figured it was just some tax shit or something but low and behold, it's Miss Tara's dirty laundry." Gemma specifically pulled out a chunk of papers in the back.

They began with her first will after I was locked up and how she didn't want Gemma or I to ever have custody. Then it was updated a few years later to make sure that Gemma and I received nothing when she passed. And the most recent page, dating a week ago, was that she listed this Michael Jones guy as her main beneficiary. Leaving only fractions of her things to her children.

What the fuck?

I tossed the folder back at Gemma and hurriedly grabbed at my keys and jacket. "Baby, I know it's hard. I know you think it's different but Tara is still the same conniving woman she was all those years ago. She has never looked out for your best interest and she had moved on. Whatever fairytale shit she's been whispering in your ear is just a bunch of shit. Tara will never be a part of SAMCRO and she never wants to be. She's probably trying to get the kids to kiss up and get money."

My hand had a vice grip on the keys and I could feel them piercing and burning into my skin at my mother's words. "It is different Gemma."

With that I stormed out of my house to head over to the clubhouse.

It had to be different this time.

**Thomas POV**

"You went MIA Teller. You turned your back." Chibs grilled my father for the 50th time since this meeting started about 2 hours ago. I mindlessly twiddled my thumbs and waited for it all to be over.

My stomach churned every time I caught a glimpse of Juice from the side of my eye. I couldn't let Jax see I wasn't getting along with him and was trying my best to keep it cool. Even after all the stupid shit he said.

Jax had barely budged. Never admitting his faults or trying to defend himself. He gave simple and vague answers to everything everyone asked him. Everyone's temper was getting short and his shit just wasn't adding up.

They all felt betrayed. Silver threw out the idea and threat of him getting patched out and taking the tattoo gun to his reaper tats. Jax never bat a lash. He just sat calmly and said that he couldn't have been a part of the club anyways while being locked up. That was his story and he was sticking to it.

"Jesus Christ dad. Are you in or are you out? Do you want to be a Son or what? What the hell do you want?" I snapped, pounding my fist on the table and cutting off Opie's question. Everyone around the table gaped at me. But not Jax.

"I want…" Jax sighed and closed his eyes. "I'm in. I've always been in and I'll always be in. I'm a Son and will die a Son." Not once did he open his eyes.

"It's not so simple." Juice quipped, sucking at the tobacco in his mouth to spit out. "Why should we keep you around? We've already got a Teller VP." His head nodded towards me while his fingers ran over the gavel beside him. My dad's eyelids flung open.

"Thomas Teller should not have to do this alone. He will not do it alone. I'll do whatever you ask of me to come back. Just…just don't make him be the only Teller."

"Don't do me any favors." Neither of us dropped eye contact. I didn't need my daddy to come protect me.

"I'm not." Jax looked away from me and down the table towards Opie.

"Movement to vote Jackson Teller back into the club." Juice's stern voice rung out.

"He was never voted out. He never left." Chibs pointedly looked at Juice.

He rolled his eyes and sat up, "Jay and Tig come meet me out back."

"What about your VP?" Miles said, it was his first time looking up from the table since this meeting started. He was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable.

"Not important. Juice can meet with whoever the fuck he wants to meet with." I sat up also, my chair falling to the floor. Wordlessly, I left the room.

"Thomas! Thomas!" Miles followed me out the clubhouse and over by the line of bikes. "God man, you gotta quit storming out like some spoiled kid." Miles was out of breath after running after me and he spit to the side before looking at me. His hands rested on his thighs for support as he gasped to catch his breath. Cigarettes were not doing us any favors.

"What is with you man?" Miles reached out and put his hand on my shoulder but then immediately snapped it back.

I looked at him confusedly before answering, "You were there, you heard my dad basically say he didn't even want me in this club. I took up the slack for him and my brother because I thought I was doing him right. I believed I was living up to the Teller name and then come to find out my dad doesn't even want me in this shit. I don't even know if I want to be in this shit." I stared past him at the clubhouse and this sadness overwhelmed me.

When I looked at Teller-Morrow Auto Repair all I felt was shame. Before I had been so proud. Proud that I was with my father's friends, doing his work, part of his club, and taking care of Gemma. There was brotherhood and love in that but I just felt sick to my stomach all the time at the idea of what Juice would have me do next. Torturing myself with whether or not Jax would be happy with who I was and he couldn't seem to be more disappointed. In that meeting he acted like he was some sort of martyr having to come back to the club to protect me. What a fucking joke. The Sons of Anarchy was turning into what Chibs had warned me it had become at a little after I was born. A group of greedy men just after money, drugs, and sex.

"You gotta get your head in the fuckin' game Teller. Juice has us running coke down to Nevada tonight and you gotta quit crying over daddy issues and shape up. You're VP. You can't keep letting the club see your weaknesses." Miles shoved a finger in my chest as a warning.

He was right.

Miles and I had come into the Sons around the same time. He was a prospect when I arrived and because of my family name, I got to immediately patch in. While Silver and Jay were less than thrilled I was a walk on, Miles never held it against me. For whatever reason, Miles and I were always on the same page. When shit at Teller-Morrow got to heavy, he and I were always the ones to lighten the mood.

I looked at Miles and _missed_ him. This had all been my fault, I'd been some moody ass brooding teenager worrying about my own troubles rather than focusing on the bigger picture. I was being Abel.

"Look, you're right. I'm sorry man. I don't even have an excuse. Let's go get a beer down at O'Toole's and see if any of the other guys wanna come along." I squeezed his shoulder and Miles pulled me in for a quick hug.

"Sounds good brother. I'll go stick my head in to ask." Miles patted my back then jogged back up to the auto shop.

With that I straddled onto my bike and lit a cigarette, patiently waiting for everyone to come out. I was ready to start acting more like myself, as fuckin gay and poetic as that sounded. I had missed being able to just kick it with the guys and let business be business.

"Where ya headed to?" An old, leather looking man stood tall right in front of me. I hadn't even noticed him walking up. He had silver hair and a million rings all on his fingers. With a cigar in his mouth he said, "Can you tell me where I can find Mr. Teller?"

I took a leap off my bike to stand in front of him and slung my helmet back onto my seat. "Who's asking?"

He laughed with no humor and puffed on his cigar one last, long time before stomping it out and kicking it to the side.

"Anthony. Anthony Voccelli." A smug smile spread across his face as he shoved an open hand in my direction for a handshake.

Shitshitshitshitshitshit

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**Did I already have a last name for Anthony? I forget...hahah sorry. I skimmed through the chapters and really didn't find anything. Let me know if I goofed up. thanksoxoxoxoxo**


	12. Chapter 12

**Love the reviews, thank you so much. Now for a bit more Anthony and Michael info.**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Abel POV**

Grace leaned to turn the music down a bit and leaned her tired head back to rest on the headrest of the car's leather seat. We were both exhausted after catching up with schoolwork. I had put some screws in a few old people's knees while Grace had been doing doubles at O'Toole's and catching up with her dad.

Anthony had never really come up in conversation except for when he'd rarely come out to Charming to have dinner with Grace. She was an only child and her mother wasn't one to travel and stubbornly stayed in New York. Grace only saw her on special holidays and when she'd go home for the month of June.

We were leaving her apartment in L.A. for the quick trip up to Charming to see my parents before the week got to crazy. I had just gotten off the phone with Emily who said that something was starting up at Teller-Morrow and randomly hung up. So I figured Jax's place was the only safe place right now.

As we pulled up to Jax's house, I was surprised to see his bike there. Emily had said that he had just been in a meeting with the Sons about his future in the club. When I got around to asking about Thomas that was when she was all quick to hang up after I heard Gemma yell for her.

Hopefully no hospital visits today, I was a little sick of a Teller in the hospital. Unless of course it were my mother or I operating. Grace followed closely behind me as we walked into the front door. It was around 2 in the afternoon so the California sun was cooking Jax's house like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Grace had asked a few times to meet my family but I was so hesitant only because I didn't want her to find out that I had a convict for a dad. Thomas was already a part of the Sons when I had become…official with Grace. So I really had just wanted to keep all of Charming's dust out of my new relationship. But after I didn't make it to the 12th dinner invite, Grace had kept a tally; she insisted she get to know who I really was. She was so curious why I had never invited her to a family dinner.

Well she was about to find out.

Jax lounged on the couch while some mindless talk show went off on the television. "Hey Jax." I said loudly and he turned to see us standing in the doorway. "Oh, well, hey!" Jax jumped up and coughed when it was too much for his tired body. I smelt cigarette smoke and made a face at him as he walked over to greet us. "Jax, cigs? Already?" I nagged but he just smiled at Grace.

"Who is this pretty young thing?" Jax stuck his hand out and Grace eagerly shook his hand and returned his beaming smile, "I'm Grace." For a moment his eyebrows furrowed and he looked between Grace and I. It was only for a moment and Grace didn't seem to catch on so I decidedly shook it off. Jax insisted we come sit in the living room with him and that was when I officially regretted my decision of bringing her here. I had to get to know my dad alongside Grade and honestly, it felt unfair to have to share him.

"How'd you come across a bum like him?" Jax winked at me briefly but kept his eyes on Grace.

She glowingly recalled the story, leaning towards him, "Well, I was headed into my three hour long math class and Abel was standing by the door with a few friends. He seemed so disinterested when his friends were yelling all these things at girls passing by but when I walked up he just stared at me. Gave me the creeps, honestly," She giggled and scrunched her nose at me but returned her focus back on Jax who had been laughing along with her, "He asked my name and I told him to wait until class was over and I'd tell him. I didn't tell him about it being three hours and I never expected him to be there when I got out. But at 9:00 there he was, sitting on a bench and waiting."

Grace grabbed my hand and squeezed and I couldn't help but smile back at her. "You don't have a choice when a beautiful girl like you tells you to wait." She swatted my chest at the corniness of my compliment but I knew she loved it.

"I'm honestly surprised. Abel doesn't strike me as a patient man." Jax laughed but I stiffened at his joke. Grace effortlessly laughed along with my father without a second thought.

"You should know him best. Abel is the most careful and patient person I know." Grace smiled up at me and I shook my head. "Alright, alright, enough."

My eyes fell on a manila-filing folder on the coffee table in front of Grace and I, and I looked up at Jax who had been staring at it also. My eyes fell back onto it and saw that it had a name across it but he snatched it up before I could see anymore.

"Where's your mom at?" Jax suddenly changed the subject. The mood in the room shifted and I could tell something wasn't right, "Why?"

"I just wondered if she made it to work," Jax tried to play it off but his worried facial expression gave him away.

"Why wouldn't she?" I pulled away from Grace's hand to defensively place both mine on my knees.

"I was just asking if you'd caught up with your mother today is all, geesh." Jax blew air out his mouth and pulled his cell phone from his back pocket and then apologized for being rude. "Sorry, I gotta take this. Do you mind?" He seemed to only be asking Grace. She, of course, insisted he take it. But I had a bad feeling about what just happened.

"What the hell was that?" Grace turned to me. Apparently so had Grace.

"I have no idea." I ran my fingers through my hair and then began to chew at my thumbnail.

Grace swatted my hand away from my mouth and held onto it, "I thought you said you grew up in Oregon? Why did we come to Charming? Are your parents divorced?" I squeezed her hand and gave a small smile. Shit. The truth was bound to come out eventually. What had I been expecting?

"No, not exactly. I grew up in Oregon with my mom, Thomas, and Emily. But my dad was in jail the whole time. He was locked up when I was five. He got out 11 days ago." I looked to the floor about halfway through making that statement and after my voice broke on the word 'five,' Grace reached out and used her hands to make my face look at her.

"I love you, Abel Teller." She kissed me warmly. Like she was sorry for everything I had been through. As if it were somehow her fault.

I ran my thumb across her cheek and shoved my hands in her long, thick hair to pull her forehead to mine. "I love you, Grace Voccelli."

Jax dropped the glass of water in his hand all over the carpet, causing us to pull apart and gape in shock. "Do you need help? Are you okay?" Grace asked when we both stood up from the couch.

Jax was bent over picking the glass up and shaking his head. "No, no. Sorry. What was your last name?"

Grace awkwardly looked between my dad and me and I tried my best to get her to notice my desperate attempt to signal for her to lie.

"Voccelli?" Grace confusedly repeated and uncomfortably tugged at her shirt.

Jax glared at me and turned back to head into the kitchen. "Dad! Wait!" I followed behind him, leaving Grace to stand alone and lost in the living room. "Dad." I exclaimed when he stood with either hand on both sides of the sink. He looked like he was heaving so I hurriedly rushed behind him to rub his back.

Jax jerked from my touch and his wild eyes made me take a step back, "Are you kidding me Abel? Are you _fucking_ kidding me?" He began pacing across the kitchen's floor and I had no excuse for my stupidity. How could I have let it slip? I knew coming into this that her last name had to remain a secret. This was such a stupid fucking idea.

"It was way before….I didn't know, okay! How was I supposed to? What am I supposed to do?" I threw my arms up and tried to keep my tone hushed. Even though there was no way Grace couldn't hear what we were saying.

"You know exactly who the fuck that girl is now! And you bring her into my _home!_ Do you know what this means?" Jax yelled, holding nothing back.

"Don't you say anything about that! Grace doesn't have a clue about anything." I continued speaking in my quieted volume.

"Don't know what?" Grace stood in the doorway of the kitchen. Her brown eyes were full of rage.

"You're the waitress from…." Jax rambled off before pointing towards the door and then motioned with his eyes for me to get her out. "Dad," I started but he then turned to me. "Don't be stupid Abel."

"Fuck," I sighed and then apologetically looked at a fuming Grace. "Let's go." I nodded with my head for her to really leave the house. When she didn't leave I pulled at her hand to follow through the open front door with me.

"No." She firmly said and then looked at what I was guessing was my father. "That was extremely rude. If there is something I don't know, I want to know it. I'm not a stupid girl. I know when I'm being kept in the dark and I'm not some damsel who needs Abel's rescue."

"Grace Voccelli, you're going to need that boy to protect you. Get out." Jax was now standing in front of her, practically spitting in her face.

"Hey, hey. Get out of her face." I pulled at Grace and then pointedly looked at my dad before slamming the door.

Grace stood there shocked at the encounter and I shrugged, "You wanted to meet the family."

And with that I headed back to my truck to get her the hell away from here.

**Tara POV**

"Dr. Knowles, you have an angry visitor in the waiting room." Mary, the sweet woman had interviewed me to join back at St. Thomas, poked her head into my office worriedly.

I shot up and pushed my papers aside, "Who? What?" How could somebody already be angry? I had only been on duty here for about a week and a half.

My feet caught up with Mary's quick ones and I sucked in a breath as we got closer to the waiting area. "You said you were not affiliated with the Sons of Anarchy." Mary spat when we arrived at the nurses' station and peered onto Jax Teller impatiently picking at his jeans.

"Jax?" I anxiously crossed the room over to him, trying to ditch Mary but she annoyingly clung to my side just as Margaret Murphy had all those years ago. "Tara. I need to speak to you, in private." His eyes stared at Mary but she stood her ground firmly. Her arms crossed when she turned to me. "Why did you lie? Ms. Knowles, this is a serious matter we need to discuss."

"I have a serious matter to discuss." Jax stood and got right in our faces. Mary cowardly backed away and I just sighed annoyed. "God, Jax. Let's do this later. I'm at work. Please." I placed a hand on my hip and challenged him to question me further.

"Tara this is important. It's about Abel." Was Jax really using our child as a way to get Mary away? I rolled my eyes at him and then looked to Mary, "It's just a family matter. Jax is Abel's father and he's been going through some trouble. I'll come in to meet with you after I'm done speaking to him."

Mary scowled at the two of us and Jax flicked her off as soon as she turned her back and then looked at me. "Abel is dating Anthony's fucking daughter. That girl who was our waitress at a O'Toole's. Anthony walked in that night and that's when I had the heart attack." Jax was out of breath and discombobulated and threw himself at me, gripping at me for dear life. Begging me to lead him in the right direction.

"Jax," I sighed into his ear before wrapping my arms around him also.

Shit.

I pulled away and looked at him, swiping hair away from his forehead. "How can you be sure?"

"He brought her over to my house, Tara. Abel is with Grace Voccelli in Charming, right now. Anthony Voccelli is probably right around here. He could be at this hospital right now." Jax backed away from me quickly and nervously glanced around the waiting area.

I shushed him and used his hand to bring him back closer to me. "Anthony is probably nowhere around here. He's not that stupid. Look, maybe it's a different Voccelli." I desperately tried to defend Abel's situation. Emily had brought her up to Abel and from his reaction at the hotel; I could tell he was serious about her.

"No. Anthony was there that night. He saw me get rolled into that ambulance on a stretcher and he was there to be with his girl Grace." Jax grabbed my face and kissed me. "Stay here. Don't leave St. Thomas until I or another Son comes back to get you. You hear me Tara?"

Just like old times.

I rolled my eyes and watched as he walked out of the hospital doors. When I turned back to walk to my office, Mary was standing at the nurses' station with a sour look on her face.

"That was not just the father of your kid Tara. He kissed you!" Mary exclaimed as her little feet hurried to keep up with my longer strides.

When we got to my office doorway, I wordlessly pulled her inside and locked the door behind us. I had been through this before and I had a pretty good idea of what was about to go down.

"When we signed you on, you swore you had nothing to do with the Sons of Anarchy motorcycle club and today, not only did one show up asking for you, but he kissed you!" Mary's wide eyes scanned across my office. Probably searching for a gun or some sort of weapon. I fought the urge to laugh.

"It's complicated okay? You can't just leave the Sons of Anarchy, okay? It's messy and…well, right now I have some family ties in the matter." I tried to explain without being obvious.

"Family? You have family in the Sons? Tara, are you insane? You're bringing this into your workplace and you haven't even been on board for 2 weeks. This is incredibly unprofessional and reckless." Mary stepped closer, intending to intimidate me.

But I only got right back in her face, "That's right. So don't mess with me. You know what I'm a part of and you know what they do. Let me do my job to the best of my ability and you leave my family out of it. Do that and we'll get along just great." I didn't crack a smile and Mary's lower lip quivered in fear.

"We'll see what the board members have to say about this!" Mary still cowered as her words attempted to threaten.

"Board members won't do shit. The club will pay them off, you know that. Just, please, make this easy for both of us." I tried to soften my tone, as Mary seemed like she was about to pass out.

Mary didn't respond but simply stormed past me and out of the office.

Goddammit.

Not even two weeks in and the Sons was already beginning to affect me. I knew this was bound to happen, so why did I feel so upset?

When I was about to lay myself down on the old, beaten couch against the wall, my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was an unfamiliar number, so I was hesitant to answer, but decided to anyways.

"Hello Tara." The familiar voice crawled through the speaker, causing chills to run up my spine.

"Michael?" I whispered incredulously. I immediately grew paranoid and glanced everywhere around me.

"Why the cold shoulder baby?" Michael asked, his voice was attempting to be velvety but it just made me want to hurl.

"Michael, please. I told you what would happen if you kept calling." I seethed. My hands gathered all my things but I refused to take my eyes off the door and window.

"Nothing will keep us apart baby. Not this motorcycle club. Not your sons. Not that little ex-husband of yours." Michael's voice was sickly sweet.

"He's not my ex." I corrected annoyed and when I reached to hang up, I heard Michael say, "Oh? Check his mail, honey." But I hung up before another word could come from his psycho, possessive mouth.

What was with me and getting with sickos when I leave Jax?


	13. Chapter 13

**Abel is my sweet baby. Nuff said.**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Abel POV**

Grace silently munched away at her McDonald's fries, doing everything in her power to not make eye contact with me. We had been headed back to L.A. when I heard her stomach growling and pulled over. Grace was and is still giving me the silent treatment and decided to stick with it rather than protest.

Fuck.

I sucked my Coke down and tried too seem that I was interested in my phone but really I was just trying to get my mind off the aching, raw sensation eating me up at the thought of this being our last day.

When Grace and I first got together, I never imagined we'd get this deep. That I'd end up actually wanting to stay the night or wanting to tell her everything about my day. She just had this way about her that made me want to fall into her every night before holding her while she slept.

Grace cleared her throat and I realized that her fiery eyes really had been burning holes into me for the past few minutes and I hadn't just been imagining it. "You done?" I looked at her tray full of food and stupidly asked the question.

Grace let out a breath and ran a frustrated hand through her dark silky hair, "Why won't you tell me."

I dropped eye contact and stared at my cup like it was the most fascinating thing in the world, I picked it up and started using the straw to stab at the leftover ice inside. Grace just kept staring and wordlessly, she placed her hand on mine and forced me to set it down.

"This isn't fair." She raises an eyebrow scornfully and crosses her arms. I knew she was dying to know if I felt scared.

"You're not fair." I retorted, my eyes never leaving her hand that was placed on mine.

"Tell me Abel. Tell me." Grace's voice was beginning to rise but I couldn't see her gathering the nerve to yell so I ignored her. I quickly shot up and walked across the restaurant to pitch my cup and when I spun around, Grace was right in front of me.

She shoved a finger in my chest and jabbed, "Stop being an ass."

I swatted her finger away and leaned down to get in her face, "Then stop being a pain in my ass." Grace's face soured and she stepped back, hurt by my response. I couldn't bring myself to tell her.

The last thing Grace needed to know was that her father was not a car dealer and when he went around shopping for cars, he was more than likely visiting his strip clubs and organizing the next hit on an enemy. Grace Voccelli didn't have a clue that my dad was locked up for gang affiliation. She asked me once why I never spoke about him and when I told her he was in jail, she never pressed further.

Grace had this interesting characteristic where she knew exactly how to push my buttons and when and in such a way so she'd get exactly what she wanted. But Grace was kind and sweet enough that she didn't abuse the power. She would often use it to get me to watch whatever movie she wanted or to sweet-talk me into washing her dishes for her.

The memories pained me; I visibly winced when I imagined never being able to go back inside her home with her.

"Take me home." Grace demands, and stomps out of the McDonald's without even throwing her trash away.

I'm so exhausted. Tired to my fucking core.

The sun was low in the sky, making the inside of this dim McDonald's almost spooky looking. Eerily yellow tinted lights illuminated the restaurant and I was just about to walk back to the table to clean Grace's mess, when the worker had already beaten me to it.

"Thanks man." I sighed and this young, scrawny teenager just gave me a small smile. "You have your hands full."

I smirked at his comment and turned to leave because he was right, my hands were too damn full.

The parking lot wasn't paved so the gravel crunched beneath my sneakers as I made my way to my truck. This was some little nowheresville place I stopped off at and Grace was sulking in the front seat, her eyes closed with her head pressed against the window.

When I pulled myself into the truck, she didn't move at all. No words were spoken.

But I needed them to be.

For once.

My whole life, words were never spoken. No one said what actually needed to be said. My mother spent her whole life choking and paralyzed by her feelings. Sounds familiar doesn't it? I could never get myself to grow a pair and just say how I felt about things. Because in the end, to me, it didn't matter.

But Grace Voccelli mattered.

When I pulled out of the parking lot she sighed in what I could only imagine was relief. My skin crawled. How could she be so ready to get away from me? I already was aching at the thought of being away from her.

I was not going without a fight.

I didn't go towards the exit; instead I traveled further into the town. If Grace noticed she didn't speak a word of it. So I kept going, desperately searching for somewhere to go that would make her still be with me.

I knew that if I said anything now, she'd just get even more pissed. Grace didn't want to hear how much I loved her or wanted to be with her. Grace wanted to know why my dad kicked her out. Why I wouldn't tell her anything and why I didn't want her to call her dad.

Just as I was about to lose hope on this dinky little town, I saw a little motel. It clearly wasn't some 5 star suite but it was going to be good enough for us. I parked in the parking lot before Grace could put up a fight and quickly got out. "What the hell are you doing?" She barked at me, the first words she had spoken since McDonald's.

I didn't answer, just simply walked into the lobby where a patient, elderly man was sitting. "Hello," He smiled warmly and I couldn't muster up the energy to be sweet. So I pushed cash towards him and he readily took it. "You alright, sir?"

"Abel." I answered.

"Abel. You okay?" The old man counted up the cash and then shoved inside the desk in front of him and in between the two of us.

"Yes." I spun around to check if Grace could be seen, and there she was impatiently leaning against my blue truck.

"She's awful pretty, that one. I bet she causes you a boatload of trouble." The old man joked and slid a golden key towards me.

"You have no idea." I snatched up the key and mumbled a 'thank you' before exiting and walking towards the rooms.

"This is some kind of sick joke if you think I'm sleeping here and with you." Grace was practically jogging to keep up with my angered footsteps.

We were in room 8. I continued pushing past and taking in the old brick of the motel with the peeled green painted doors. All the way until I saw a golden 8 that matched the dinginess of the key and pushed inside.

The room was cheap, that's for sure. But it was clean and well kept. The carpet looked newer but the floral wallpaper probably dated back to the 2000s. There was an old flat screen and the bed had fluffy comforters that were calling my name.

It was a whole lot better than I was expecting.

I had been so busy taking in my surroundings; I hadn't realized that Grace wasn't right beside me. So I quickly spun and saw her hovering in the doorway, angrily glaring at the room.

"Take. Me. Home. Abel." Grace spat every word and all I could do was shake my head.

"Now!" She screamed, I was surprised when she didn't stomp her foot and smirked at the imagery of her doing so.

"I'm tired." I threw myself onto the bed but Grace didn't budge. I was making a lame attempt to lighten the mood and it was not working. "Close the damn door." I snapped when she wouldn't come inside.

Grace slammed it behind her dramatically and stood as closely to the exit as possible. She chewed nervously on her lip, as if she were afraid of me or something. So I sat up suddenly and patted the bed, urging her to come beside me.

She wordlessly refused and pushed her back up against the wall.

This girl gave me no choice.

I took fast steps right up to her before she could have a chance to dodge me. I placed my hands on either side of her head and leaned my face in close to hers. "Grace Voccelli," I whispered.

She was stunned, a look of lust spread across her face and I could tell she was trying her best to not let it show.

Grace was not winning this one.

I leaned in and kissed her soft neck, feeling her melt into me. A moan escaped her and suddenly, she pushed me. Hard.

"Grace." I lowered my eyes and she licked her lips and before I knew it she shoved me onto the bed.

Grace hovered above me for a moment as if she were studying me. I immediately grew uncomfortable and eagerly reached for her. My need to be inside her started to show but she slapped my hands away. Grace's brown eyes grew crow black as her gaze narrowed. Her tongue pushed into her cheek and I was done. I needed her.

"Grace." I said. Just to say it. Just to fill the damn silence from the tension.

Then she ripped her clothes off. Violently, urgently, suddenly. So I mimicked her actions, anxious to have our skin touching. But she didn't lower herself against me, and remained straddled on top me with her eyes glaringly furious.

So I kissed it off of her.

Our lips moved in this heated and purposeful way that they never had before. Hungrily, my hands ran all over her tanned, toned body. This was fast and eager, neither of us patient in any of our advances. Grace's nails dug into my chest and when I hissed at the pain she bit my lip just as forcefully.

"Jesus."

I muttered before flipping her over to have below me. Grace's tawny hair became a scattered mess amongst the pillows, her bra was suffocating her round breasts and I just needed to rip it off.

My lips were quick along her stomach down to her panties, I licked the material covering her heat and I swore I felt her quiver. This only built my confidence further, there was no way she was going to be able to stop this.

I ripped her panties off, much to her dismay, her fingers possessively forced my face right back to where she was dying for it to be.

But no.

My lips kissed there way from her inner thighs to her stomach again and Grace thrusted her hips upwards, "Fuck you Abel." She spat.

"Fuck me, Grace." I smirked up at her and she forcefully tugged at me to come back to her face. I scooted up to press my hard length against her and Grace bit her lip but avoided eye contact.

Our sticky skin was pressed against each other, Grace had thrown her bra across the room and when I was about to slip inside of her she had this sadness cloud her eyes.

I ignored it.

I pushed my hardness inside of her and felt her press against me, eager for the closeness. Gently, I ran my hands over her skin until she pushed and thrusted for a deeper fuck. "Bend over." I demanded and Grace flipped to get on all fours.

My hand slapped her ass and she let out a yelp that made me smile greedily before shoving myself back inside her.

"Abel!" Grace cried out and I tightened my grip on her hips, using my hands to keep her steady as I fucked her harder and harder.

This was not love making, this was not sex, this was fucking.

I was using my cock to avoid any emotion at the moment and Grace was buying into it. It was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. Her hands braced herself on the headboard as she moaned and pleaded for deeper, harder, faster.

I felt her knees buckle below me and she let out a cry of ecstasy. Her walls clamped down around me and I fell still for a moment. Letting her ride out her moment of pleasure.

Right as she was about to flip over in exhaustion, I just slipped back inside to continue watching her clutch at the sheets and whimper my name.

My hands wandered all over her backside, relishing the smoothness of her skin. Grace's Italian ass bounced on my cock and I gave it another smack, just to spite her.

When I thought about the way she bit at my lip, clawed at my chest, and her darkened eyes, I came right inside of her. Filling her up with all my worry, responsibilities, and angst.

Grace went limp and heaved out deep breaths, her grasp on the comforter and sheets never letting up.

"I love you." I pulled out of her and placed a hand on her back but she flinched at my touch.

Grace jumped up out of the bed and dashed to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I threw myself into the bed, breathing in her sweat and letting our relationship play through my head and just took a moment to really take this all in.

I had a decision to make.

Do I tell her or not? Do I let this all go and for what? What do the Sons of Anarchy mean to me? What does Jax Teller mean to me? And was it even my place to tell Grace who her father was?

Do I tell her or not?

The distinct sound of the shower being squeaked on urged me to follow her into the bathroom. I hoped my hesitation in following her hadn't pissed her off but when I got into the bathroom, Grace had already ducked into the shower.

"Grace," I slowly pulled the curtain back to reveal her furiously scrubbing at her hair, facing the direction of the water.

"Get out." She snapped. But her hands just continued to work at her hair and I stared in amazement at the way the suds coated her body. This body I had just been in, a part of, this body I had been with for 3 years.

Again, I ignored her. That was all we had been doing today was ignoring so I wasn't all that surprised when she didn't shove me out of the shower. Grace knew that I wouldn't leave.

What she didn't know was what I wanted from her.

The question had come up about a month ago. Where was this going? And now our families were going to define our future.

Slowly, I wrapped my arms around her to pull her towards me lovingly. And for whatever reason, she didn't fight it. Grace knew I needed this. I felt so guilty to make her give this all to me but I just couldn't help it. I needed Grace Voccelli.

We stood there for a moment, letting the steaming water make our skin scream. My grip never loosened and Grace never fought to escape it.

The soap from her hair ran over both of us and when I saw that it was all gone and heard her take a deep breath, I kissed the small of her neck on the left side. Then I pressed my lips again to the back of her neck before resting my chin on her right shoulder and whispering, "Your dad wants mine dead. And when he finds out who I am, he'll want me dead too."

I prayed the suds from Grace's hair could wash away everything.

In that moment I knew that Jax Teller was my dad whether I wanted it or not. I was bound to the Sons of Anarchy. I was destined to be there with my brother. With my family.

Suds from cheap motel shampoo wouldn't wash that away.

* * *

**GRACE AND ABEL FOREVER. UGH. P.s. I imagine Grace to look somewhat like Rachel Bilson. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Enjoy xo**

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**Emily POV**

A small shriek escaped my lips when I sliced my finger on a paper; I gripped it and watched as the warm crimson dribbled down my finger. "Fuck!" I shook it off as Gemma let out a chuckle.

"You okay baby?" Gemma looked over her glasses at me but I just nodded to her and continued watching the blood escape the small cut.

Just then Miles came heaving into the office, but stunned silent when he noticed Gemma's presence at the desk. He had been expecting me to be alone and the surprise on his face didn't disappear soon enough for Gemma not to take note of it.

"What Miles?" Gemma had been on edge, along with the rest of the club, since Anthony Voccelli's presence yesterday.

In between orgasms last night Miles told me about how Anthony promised he'd be back to see my dad and that he listed off my mother's, Abel's, Jax's, and my own exact whereabouts to Thomas. We had been watched and tracked since we were spotted that night at O'Toole's with his daughter Grace.

Abel's Grace.

Miles said that he had to quit me but we already had breakfast together this morning.

It irked me that I had eyes watching me but at the same time I felt comforted that I spent majority of my time now at Teller-Morrow with the club. A few days ago I quit my blog job in L.A. to co-manage the shop with Gemma. The filing was a hot mess and everything needed to be organized. Along with price adjustments. The place was losing money with how little they charged for fix ups.

Juice had just come in moments ago to tell Gemma and I to stay put in the office and not be hanging around outside. Gemma was then sure to repeat my his words and emphasize how important it was that I listened. Our safety and whatever.

Everyone sure was bossy around here.

Bobby was looking out for my mom since he had to be at St. Thomas anyways for his oxygen treatments. So I had nothing to really worry about except for this damn paper cut.

"Oh, uh, just wanted to see if you ladies were here. I was going to order pizza, any preference?" Miles leaned against the doorway and I could tell how hard he was focusing on not looking at me.

"No honey. Get the pizza, I don't want any." Gemma looked at him like he was nuts and then returned her concentration on the dates of the papers before her.

"Em-emily?" Miles choked on shortening my name and his eyes went wide in embarrassment. God, he sucked at playing it cool.

"Whatever is fine. Just no barbecue chicken or anything like that." I scrunched up my nose at the idea. "Who the hell wants barbecue sauce and chicken on a pizza?"

Miles laughed and then straightened up, "You mind driving to go pick it up with me?"

"Delivery, you moron. Emily's not leaving here without her Dad." Gemma barked over her shoulder, causing both of us to jump a bit.

I mouthed sorry and Miles shrugged, he knew better. Just then Thomas came and pushed past Miles to cram this office even more. I felt like a damn sardine.

"It's fine. Let's go get pizza!" Thomas squeezed my shoulder as Gemma's jaw dropped. Guilt rushed over me at us ganging up on her until I realized I was being silly, I was 20 years old. I could come and go as I pleased. Plus, I had Thomas and Miles going with me.

"Emily Teller if you leave this office, god help you-" Gemma rose from her chair and then Miles cut her off, "Technically she's a Knowles."

Silence.

Thomas and I's mouths opened and closed like a couple of trout's in shock while Gemma's formed a hard line. Miles' immediate regret spread across his face and he opened his mouth to apologize when Gemma sauntered up to the three of us from behind the desk.

"She's got Teller blood in her, she's a Teller. Abel, Thomas, and Emily are _all _Tellers." She seemed to be emphasizing it more for Thomas and I than Miles who had said something in the first place.

Well this was awkward.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat; it was as if I forgot how to speak. My first reaction was to just get the hell out of there but another urge arose to just hug her.

Gemma had missed us growing up. She lost 2 husbands, a son, and another was locked up for as long as I've been alive. Although it felt uncomfortable at first to be thrown into this life, it was kind of nice to have someone so fiercely defending who I was. Gemma wanted us to be a part of her family so much she seemed to even be willing to forgive my parents for taking us from it.

"Okay, okay, we're all Tellers." Jax poked his head in and smiled at us.

How many people could we fit in this damn room?

Gemma forced this weird smile and Miles spoke up, "Sorry. Wasn't my place to say anything." Gemma narrowed her eyes at him but sucked in her cheeks and shook it off. "Get some damn pizza, would ya?" Gemma grabbed money from her back pocket and thrust it into Thomas' hand to try to lighten the mood.

"Emily, stay put." Jax tried to tell me but Thomas shook his head, "Nah, it's okay. She'll be with Miles and I. We got it, Jax."

Our dad silently deliberated for a moment before sighing and giving the okay. Then we were pizza bound with Thomas driving and Miles in shotgun. Somehow I had managed to get backseat in my own car. It was a mild day for June in California, but you wouldn't catch me complaining. The windows were rolled down and the wind whipped violently through my wild hair. When I fussed at Thomas he just turned the music up louder.

Thomas went inside to pick up the pizza while I stood outside the building with Miles, watching him as he took a drag of his cigarette.

I didn't like smoking one bit but there was just something so hypnotizing about the way he'd lick his lips before each inhale that almost made we wish he'd never stop.

"What are you looking at?" Miles snickered at me and I shook my head in embarrassment.

Busted.

Heat rose to my cheeks and I bit at my lip to keep myself quiet. Miles pulled out a pack and leaned it towards me but I shoved it back, "Never ever."

"Good. They're nasty." Miles shoved his Marlboros back in his cut and while taking another long drag.

"You're addicted." I accused, raising my eyebrow and crossing my arms.

"I'm addicted alright." Miles took a step closer to me so that he was achingly close but yet so far from my lips. I was frozen and you couldn't pay me any amount of money to rip my gaze from his. Miles let his cigarette dangle from his lips and came a little closer to my face.

"I got pepperoni but the everything pizza looks so-" Thomas cut himself off when he saw the two of us.

"What?" Miles spun around. Luckily his back had been to Thomas so he had no way of knowing how close we had just been.

"The everything pizza looks nasty but I got it…" Thomas trailed off suspiciously, his eyes darting between Miles and I until I spoke up. "As long as there's pepperoni!" I walked past Miles to help Thomas with his load and wordlessly took a few boxes and headed back over to the car.

That was too damn close.

**Tara POV**

The last thing I had fucking needed was Mary witnessing another Sons of Anarchy member there to keep watch over me. Luckily, Bobby was understanding and kept a respectable distance. He had managed to bullshit his way into being able to hang around with me through out my whole shift.

He'd randomly poke his head in my office or ask different nurses if I was still around. Unfortunately, I hadn't had a surgery scheduled that day so I had nothing to eat up my time. Just boring paper work that I'd try to spice up by taking breaks and reading case studies.

I only had about 30 minutes left of my shift and Bobby had called to let me know he was hanging in the cafeteria. He even offered to get me some pudding, but I gagged at the thought of the tasteless mush and had to decline his sweet offer.

Bobby Munson had always been one of my favorites. He was so silently friendly it was such a unique and awesome characteristic. Bobby was always one to tell me how it was and in the early years of my single parenthood, he called a few times to check in. Even gave me a heads up to let me know Gemma was plotting so I could get a move on papers.

I had constantly flip flopped about the club and to this day I couldn't even say which side I was on. All I knew was that I had to be there for and with my family. Bobby, Chibs, and Opie had been the three men besides Jax that I always had a soft spot for. They were all sweet, genuine men who made me think twice about my judgments of the club.

This was not new to me. These past three weeks had been what I guess I had been expecting. Stuck at the hospital with a babysitter so I don't get kidnapped again? Same old, same old.

Different day, different year, different gang, same Jax Teller.

Aimlessly, I doodled all over a scratch sheet of paper I had been writing groceries onto. I still needed to find a place of my own. Although the 3 of us, Jax, Emily, and I had been staying in Jax's home, I think I needed to rent a small place of my own. Just for a little bit while everything died down.

I was still getting used to being married. Still getting used to Charming, St. Thomas, and having my children here once more.

I jumped when Bobby swung the door open, "Hey miss, you're good to go in 5. I'm going to the lot to get on my bike. See you in a few." Bobby's gruff smile met mine and I waved a warm goodbye to him.

I felt a sigh of relief escape after the door shut. Now Mary couldn't add another demerit to my record. It was as if I were some childish school child and the idea of it made my surgical, doctorate degree-welding self-enraged. I already had one of her stupid marks from Jax's surprise appearance a few nights ago.

I fingered through the papers on my desk and slid open the drawer beside me to file them away. Mindlessly, I worked at shoving them inside but something was in the way. I pulled the papers away and instantly they scattered to the floor. My hand slowly rose to cover my shocked mouth.

_Tara, _

_See you in a few._

_Love,_

_Michael_

The note written on my very own stationary was pinned onto a fluffy teddy bear and my stomach churned just as it had all those years ago. This familiar icy chill of terror raced up my spine and I swallowed at the hardness in my tight throat. But this time something different over came me. Anger bubbled up inside me, how fucking dare he?

I wasn't some scared 30 years old anymore. I had children and this fucker was not about to fool me into being his.

So I pulled my phone out and gave that number a call, the one he had the balls to ring me from a few days ago.

With each ring I became a little less sure but I fought through the self-doubt with the courage of my motherhood. Michael Jones was not to step one foot close to my children.

"Hello?" An older woman's voice purred over the phone.

"Hi, is Michael Jones there?" I was impatient and hot and I didn't think to calm my voice as the woman might be put off by it.

"Who is this?" She snapped, clearly surprised at my tone.

"It's Dr. Tara Knowles. Is Michael Jones around?" I reiterated and began to tap my annoyed foot onto the carpet.

"He is not here right now. Can I leave a message?" This older lady was confused and quite frankly her tone was making me grow even angrier.

"You tell that son of a bitch if he wants to play a game he can come over to my house. Thank you." I clicked off so that way I didn't have to hear her confusion anymore. Maybe that was harsh but he didn't leave me much of a choice.

I gathered all my things up and charged through St. Thomas towards the parking lot. Outside was dark and moist, the air smelt of the summer thunderstorm that had just cruised through Charming moments ago. I wondered if Jax was riding when it happened for a moment then shook the thought of his wet clothes hanging from him to get to my car.

A hand clawed around my shoulder and I turned, expecting to see Bobby dripping wet and joking about waiting for me.

But it was Michael's toned and towering figure behind me. His grip on my shoulder was menacing and rough but when I moved to run, he slipped a cold knife up to neck and shoved his dry, rough palm over my mouth.

"Scream and it's over Tara. Just, come on baby. Come with me." Michael ran his other hand over my hair and kissed my ear.

Horror paralyzed me. What do I do?

This was what I got for not telling Jax. For keeping secrets the way that I did.

I lamely followed as he tugged at me towards his car. Where the hell was Bobby?

Michael was parked on the side lot of St. Thomas, the one nobody ever used. Of course. There were cameras everywhere, so why wasn't anyone rushing out to help? My eyes darted up and saw that he had covered them up with blankets and hope began to escape me.

But when he opened his side door, my anger from earlier overwhelmed me. Who the hell did he think he was?

I kicked him as hard as I could in the testicles and he fell to the ground, the knife previously in his grip clattered to the pavement in surprise.

I picked up the knife and leaned down towards his face, looking him directly into his deep dark, brown eyes. "Don't you _ever_, come back here." I sneered at him and then spit in his face.

Michael laughed with this haunting, cocky darkness that made my hand tighten around the knife even more. "Baby, I will always come back for you."

Michael slowly pulled his wallet out and tossed it beside my feet, and I lowered myself once more to check its contents. Tears welled in my eyes as I dropped all his IDs to the damp pavement in disbelief.

Dozens of different drivers licenses with Michael's face from various states with different names. I looked up at his grinning face and felt such disgust I wanted to scream.

"It's actually James." He stuck his hand out as if he were greeting me for the first time and I batted his hand away.

"You can't get to me Tara. You can't report me. You will never stop me from loving you. You belong to me. You're mine."

I had no choice, nobody to turn to. Nobody could save me from this but myself so I leaned in sickeningly close to him to plant a sweet kiss to his lips, when I pulled back his eyes were still closed. As if he were in some sort of trance.

"I don't belong to anyone."

Then I did it.

The knife that had just been pressed against my neck was now in the back of his skull. It made this horrifying cracking sound and I let out a gasp when I saw the life leave his monstrous eyes.

I crawled backwards, desperate to get away from his lifeless, evil body. My breath was quick and shallow while my eyes searched for anyone who could've seen.

"Jesus Christ, Tara!" Bobby hobbled over from right beside the hospital. The cigarette that had been in his mouth flew from his mouth and I stared as the rainwater put the embers out, releasing smoke into the air.

"What the hell?" Bobby stood beside me and placed a hand on my head.

This was not real. This was not real. This was not real.

My teeth sunk into my lower lip and the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth at the shock of my actions. My hands shook like leaves in the wind and I fumbled for the words to explain myself.

Bobby grunted as he kneeled beside Michael and grabbed at his various IDs and looked at me with these terrified eyes. Like he couldn't get a grip on what I had done, just like I hadn't either.

What have I done?

This was Josh Kohn all over again and the acid in my stomach rose up and I spewed everywhere. Tears welled my eyes as my throw up burned my esophagus and I gasped for breath.

Bobby scrambled to clean the knife up and try to check of prints anywhere, his old eyes squinting at the now crime scene.

I just lay there, propping myself up with my palms, staring at the heat of my puke. I felt sick again and yanked away, jerking myself to stand. "We need to get out of here." I stepped to Bobby and held a hand out, which he eagerly took.

"What the hell are you doing, Doc?" Bobby eased up and wobbled behind me as I dashed to my car. I looked over my shoulder at him and tried to hide my fear, "Just, don't tell Jax. Promise you won't."

Bobby sighed and ran his fingers through his matted, curled hair. "J_esus Christ Tara_." Bobby crossed his arms and began to cough.

"No more smoking." I turned around to glare at him but caught a glimpse of Michael's limp body so I immediately turned back to my car.

"What are we going to do?" Bobby ignored me and stepped beside me. He reached to pull me into a hug but I fought his comforting touch.

I could not think about this right now.

This was not real.

"Go home. Don't go to the clubhouse. I will tell Jax later." My hand froze on my handle and I looked at him before he could argue, "You don't speak a word of this. Please. I'm begging you."

"This is heavy shit Tara, I can't keep this a secret. What if you're caught?"

"You're talking to me holding this up! You're going to get me caught. Get out of my way Bobby. And keep your mouth shut." I accused and quickly threw myself inside my car.

This was not real.

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**STRONG TARA IS THE BEST TARA. God, Kurt did her such a disservice by making her so weak at the end. **


	15. Chapter 15

**So so so sorry for the delay. Midterms, family, life, and writer's block had me stuck for a bit. Thanks for reviews and support!**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Jax POV**

Tara was a talker. She was all about 'let's talk about our days, our future, our feelings.'

It drove me absolutely fucking insane and it always had.

Everything was black and white to that woman. And biting her tongue when she didn't agree with me was never exactly her strong suit.

With all the talk lately of 'what are we doing, where is this going, and looking for a new place', I was surprised by Tara's silence when she crawled into bed beside me after her shift. I was even more surprised at her grabbing onto me as if I were about to disappear.

"What's going on?" I peered down at her over my reading glasses and she just kept her face pressed into my chest, urging me to drop my tablet reader and grab her in return.

I easily tossed the tablet aside and snaked my arms around her small figure, pulling her closer to me and kissed the top of her graying hair.

"Tara, babe, are you okay?" I whispered, running my fingers in worried circles on her arm.

"Abel can't be with Grace." Her voice sounded ghostly and haunting.

"Babe."

"You need to make sure things are okay with Thomas." Her fingers absently tapped on my chest. I reached up and covered her hand with my own.

"Emily needs to get another job. She can't work at the shop. Have you seen her around with that Miles guy?" Tara trailed off and I gently lifted her chin to look into her teary green eyes.

"Okay, I will. Promise." I gave her a small smile and she just flopped her head back into my chest.

"What is it? I can't make it better if you don't tell me. And I know it's not our kids." I was struggling to mask my frustrated tone with her.

My patience had started to wear thin over the past few days and I couldn't put up with Tara's 'I can do it on my own, I don't need you, I did this all by myself' attitude after another long day.

I'd spent the day baking out in the desert discussing with Opie on how to get Juice the hell out of this presidency while simultaneously getting out of Anthony's way. There had to be a way to get out of this with everyone alive.

Originally my goal was revenge but now that our kids were involved I wanted to get as far away from Antony as possible.

Abel was currently making that a little harder but that would be dealt with later after Opie hopefully talked Thomas into talking it out with his brother.

Tara perked up and untangled herself from me. She eased up and sat so she was facing towards me. "Gemma needs to go into a home."

"What?" Where the hell was this coming from?

"Today while I was being babysat," She pointedly narrowed her eyes at me, "Bobby told me about all the records Gemma screws up and the ovens she leaves on. She fell asleep in an overflowing tub last night, Jax! And she has all this shit all over her house like a damn hoarder. Have you been over to that place?"

What the _fuck_?

"Tara, Tara, woah. Slow down." I placed my hands on her arms but she shook her head at me sympathetically, "Baby, she's getting older and I think—"

"Think what? Tossing my Ma out is a good idea? She's fine." I jerked my hands off her and Tara placed a warm hand on my cheek.

"Look, we need to work on our teamwork. And Gemma is not going to make that easy."

"So let's toss her in a home?" I jumped up from the bed and began pacing in our room.

My mother was fine. She was fine.

Gemma Teller was not some helpless woman who needed to have her ass wiped for her. She took care of business, herself, and her family.

Gemma had been just fine every since I got out. She always visited me when I was locked up. And she had things running like a charm at Teller-Morrow.

Except for when she forgot her keys and sat in her car for an hour.

And when she kept calling Thomas Jax.

And when she called Emily a scared bitch that broke her son's heart.

Shit.

No.

I choked up, this rock-lodged-in-my-throat feeling caused me to audibly gasp and an aching pain of hurt ripped through me.

"No. Gemma is _fine_."

"Jax—" Tara reached for me weakly.

How fucking dare she? Tara is this desperate to get rid of her? To get rid of Gemma in the first place? I thought everything had been fine.

As fine as they could be, I guess.

"I know you have never gotten along but this is something else Tara. My mother is stronger than anyone I've ever known. Gemma does not need to be babysat." I spat.

"Oh, and I do?" Tara retorted.

Shit. Wrong wording.

"You know what I mean." I crossed my arms and looked at Tara, still sitting on my bed but now she was fuming.

"No, I'm not quite sure I do. Your 75 year old mother doesn't need anyone but I need 78 year old Bobby to make sure I don't end up killed from your bullshit." Tara rose from the bed and I stormed over to meet her.

"_You _are not in the Sons. _You_ are not Gemma. You have made it very clear, Tara, over and over again that you do _not_ want to be a part of this. You freak the fuck out any time any of my shit ends up on the family doorstep so I was covering my ass before I heard it from _you_. I was protecting _you_." I got right in her face and twisted the knife more and more with every emphasis. Almost enjoying the fact she was getting as heated as I was.

"I fucking KILLED someone Jackson! I KILLED THEM!" Spit flew everywhere from a red-faced Tara. Her finger pointed at me and panic arose in me.

"You want to tell me I'm not a part of this. YOU made sure the kids and I were far away from you. I can't keep pushing back Jax; I can't keep forcing myself to come back to someone who always pushes me away. I can't come back to someone who will always choose the club over his family." Tara got right back at me and I immediately softened, reaching for her.

"NO!" Tara swatted away at me.

"I want to keep you safe." I muttered out of my mouth.

"I don't fucking need you. How many times have I made that pretty fucking obvious; I'm with you because I want to be, not because I need you." Tara sighed and ran her hands through her crazed hair, the t-shirt on her body swallowed her up and my heart ached when I recognized it as my own.

"I need you." I said.

Because I did.

I needed Tara Knowles like I needed air to breathe. I needed Tara Knowles more than life itself and I couldn't go another day without her saying she was mine. I needed her next to me when the sun rose and set.

Nothing mattered to me more than her and I was at this huge loss of how to make that clear to her.

And she _killed_ someone?

"Put Gemma in a home." Tara stormed out before I could get another word in and I just let myself sink onto the side of the bed.

She _killed_ someone?

_Who_?

**Thomas POV**

"Have you seen this?" Miles stormed into my- er, Jax's living room and clapped twice to switch the new television on and waved his fingers to change the channel to the news.

It was 9 o'clock in the morning, Christ. What could have happened already?

Miles dropped himself next to me on the couch and I sighed, annoyed, as I had to readjust and sit up to make room for him. His eyes remained glued as the weatherman rattled on about the heat today and reminders of staying hydrated.

"What Miles?" I snapped, finally being pushed over the edge as he stretched out to place his feet up on the maple coffee table in front of us.

"Look." Miles pointed and there, across the screen was a body covered in a white sheet. My insides froze and my ears opened wide for the information being spewed from the television.

"At about 11 last night, security cameras were covered by an unidentified figure. There is no videotape evidence of what happened here last night in our very own St. Thomas parking lot, but clearly, it was not a happy ending. Right behind me is a middle-aged man with a knife stuck in the lower back region of his skull. It's believed that he felt no pain in his passing. But if anyone has any information at all about what happened, do not hesitate to call. We cannot release a photo of the victim as of yet, due to the fact that he has not been identified. Stay tuned for more on this blood curdling story." An excited blonde rattled off, she seemed barely capable of containing her amusement of such a horrid even happening right in Charming. She must've been so used to covering petty stealing and the new dogs at the animal shelter.

"Well, fuck." I spat and Miles nodded in agreement. "Anthony?" Miles and I both looked at each other with widened eyes.

"You don't think…." I trailed off.

"Abel could've easily done it. Went and said hey to your mom and other workers and lured Anthony there. Then killed him off so that way he'd leave your family alone and he could stay with the daughter." Miles excited put together this puzzle I wasn't even sure existed.

"I don't think Abel has it in him to kill anyone." I spoke softly, thinking back to my kind older brother.

He could pound my face into some pavement and give me some titty twisters but there was no way my brother could _kill _someone.

"It's in the Teller blood." Miles scoffed and looked down at my dirty shoes, covered in a film of sweat, dirt, and blood.

I self-consciously cleared my throat and rose to my feet. "Is it cool if I hit you up later, man? I want to talk to Abel and see what's up."

Miles followed me to the front door and nodded. "Sure thing, brother. Call later and we can grab some beers with the guys. I'll ask Emily if she wants to come with."

Emily?

"Uh, okay?" I dapped him up and he exited my house beaming with pride at the fact of breaking this news to me. Miles was confident that he had solved all this and honestly, I sort of wished he were wrong.

Abel saved lives, he didn't take them.

I couldn't imagine the pain my brother was in right now if that were the unfortunate case and I immediately grasped for my phone. I dialed his number and waited for the voicemail, predicting that he was bound to ignore me.

"Where are you?" Abel answered after the second ring.

"Wh-what?" I choked out, shocked at his answering and also his abruptness. Not even a hello?

"Where are you Thomas?" Abel impatiently repeated himself.

"Hi to you too! Geesh. I'm at Jax's house, Miles just came over and—"

"Stay there. I'll be there in 10." Abel then hung up and I slowly pulled my phone from my ear and stared at it.

What the hell?

Just then Jax emerged from his room and walked past me into the kitchen after muttering a good morning.

I followed behind him and watched his sleepy figure fix up some coffee and gather up a bowl, milk, and cereal for some breakfast.

"You want some Cap'n Crunch?" Jax said absentmindedly as he poured his own bowl.

"Sure." I sat at the table and continued watching my aged dad fix us breakfast and snickered at the thought of him doing this for Abel and I. I allowed myself a sad moment when it donned on me that this never happened.

I never got to have a lazy Saturday morning where my dad scattered about to fix my siblings and I breakfast. But I shook it off as he placed the food on the table alongside the coffee as he sat across from me.

"Have you seen the news?" I asked after biting into my cereal.

God I hadn't had Cap'n Crush since I was about 10.

"No, why?" Jax was squinting as he scanned his phone for emails.

I opened my mouth to try to fill him in without Miles' bias but then Abel burst through the door.

He was out of breath and hurriedly locked it up behind him, anxiously scanning the home for, what? I wasn't quite sure.

"Well good morning son. Where's your girl, Grace at?" Jax crunched on his cereal amused as Abel threw his bag onto the table and sat next to me at the kitchen table.

"Good morning." I said quietly and glanced to see him from the corner of my eye.

Abel smiled that smile we used to do when we were little and got in fights, the one that meant we didn't need to apologize anymore or prepare for a fight. That everything was okay between us. Brother to brother.

"Hey. So there's a body in St. Thomas parking lot." Abel looked between us, "Is it who I think it is?"

Jax continued eating at his cereal and looked at me, "Thomas?" Jax spoke with a mouth full of Cap'n Crunch.

I shrugged and looked between the two of them, "I thought it was you, Abel."

"Well, I'm alive and kickin'." Abel motioned at himself and I laughed, "No, no, that you…uh, well…"

"Jesus, no. No. I'm a surgeon, Thomas. I'm not about to go around stabbing people in the back of the skull." Abel exasperated.

"Dad?" We said at the same time and looked at a shocked Jax.

He shook his head quickly and then stared out the window for a moment, deep in thought.

"What?" I asked bewildered at his thoughtfulness during a moment like this.

"Could it be the club?" Jax was failing to cover the desperation in his voice.

"I doubt it…unless Juice went behind my back. But even then, I would know. You would too. Opie would…" I rattled off trying to convince myself as much as Jax.

"Why?" Abel was staring at Jax, trying to call his bluff. It was clear he had an idea of who did it.

"Have either of you spoken with your mother?" Jax looked between us, a stern look crossed his face.

"Not since last night." Abel shook his head and I just shook mine alongside his. I hadn't talked to her since before her shift yesterday.

"I think Tara might've been behind this."

"_What_?" Abel and I gasped.

"Get your shit, we need to head down to Teller-Morrow." Jax jumped up and we mimicked his rush to get out of the house.

As we left I glanced at the soggy bowls of Cap'n Crunch and for a moment, imagined that Jax was rushing us to get to school. Not to check and see if our mom had murdered anyone last night.

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**The Sons are about to begin to unravel. Sorry not sorry ;p**


	16. Chapter 16

**To make up for the delay. Also, I'm on break and I'm not going to PCB or Miami like everyone else ;p **

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Emily POV**

Miles squeezed my knee as he stood up from sitting beside me on the couch in the cluttered office of Teller-Morrow. "I think I hear bikes pulling up. Probably your dad."

I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "We got to cut this out."

Miles rolled his eyes and looked at his shoes for a moment before looking back at me, "I said that a while ago."

"Yeah, well, I'm saying it now. You know stuff has been crazy and I just don't think this is right. It'll tear Thomas up." I bit my lip at the thought of my older brother finding out I had been fucking around with his best friend, and cringed at what would happen between them.

"Okay. Then let's stop." Miles crossed his arms and checked for my expression.

I tried my best to be level and listen to the voice in my head saying this was all such a bad, horrible idea. So I sighed and nodded, "Let's stop."

Miles turned and headed out the door, "Hey!" I called and he didn't bother to face me when he answered, "What?"

"Well, I, just, I wanted to—" I stuttered and realized I had mindlessly crossed the room to stand right behind him.

"You said stop, so let's stop. Easy as that." Miles walked outside and I yelled again, "Hey!"

"What the hell do you want Emily? What? Am I supposed to fight for you when you have made it pretty damn obvious that I'm nothing more than fun to you? What?" Miles charged back up to be in my face, "What do you want?"

"Emily." My mother's stern voice came from behind me, and both of us snapped our attention to my disheveled mom leaning against the doorway towards the shop.

"Oh, mom. Hey." I smiled softly at her and she just shot daggers from her eyes between Miles and I. Miles said hello then sped off, my mom made her message very clear.

"What the hell are you doing?" My mom straightened up from the doorpost and tossed her purse onto the empty chair beside her.

"Mom, I, I can explain." I walked back into the office, trying to hush the volume of our words. I was terrified that anyone could hear us. They'd be quick to run to Thomas to spill the beans.

"Emily sit down." She directed me with her eyes to sit back on the couch I had just been relaxing with Miles on.

I looked up at my exhausted looking mother and felt sorry that she seemed so sad, what the hell had happened? Had she showered today?

"I met your father in high school and he came along with the club. Two for one. And I accepted that, I lived with that." She nodded her head, as if explaining it to herself; "I do not want this life for you. We—we, do not want this life for you. Your father would have a heart attack if he knew what you were up to."

"Mom." I tried to interrupt.

"And your brother!" My mom stepped up to me, her voice rising, "I did not raise you to be so reckless. You are a smart, smart girl Emily Knowles. And you are not to be getting mixed up with Sons of Anarchy men. That is not your path. You _will not_ relive what I went through. I will not have it."

"Ladies." Jax cleared his throat, his head poking in from the shop and looking awkwardly between us.

My mom looked at me with such rage and betrayal but I had tried to warn her. There was no reasoning with her when she felt she needed to teach some life lesson inspired by all her single mom crap.

"What are you doing here?" Tara accused, turning to look at Jax.

"Uh, I work here? Did you sleep here last night?" Jax stepped into the office.

Tara looked at me and bit her lip. "Emily can you leave for a moment, I need to speak to Tara. Alone." Jax tried to smile but it looked pained.

"Okay…" I looked between them and felt this weird energy off them, which was the main reason why I didn't fight back.

Gemma had left a lot of things for me to do that day and it wasn't even lunchtime yet. I couldn't afford for any breaks to pick up the slack that she had going on. She had been misfiling records and calling back the wrong customers. It had been a hot mess the past week.

I quickly exited the tiny office and headed outside by the picnic tables, wondering where my brothers were. Lazily, I lay across a bench and carelessly scanned through my phone checking to see if Miles had texted me yet.

We had never had a fight.

Was this a fight?

He had been right about me being a little overboard with keeping my distance from him. But what did he expect? Miles had been starting to get a little close. He remembered how I took my coffee, what my favorite shows were, and how I liked my space when I was trying to drift off to sleep.

We'd been messing around for almost a month now but I felt as if I always had to keep him in check. Keep myself in check.

Because if I didn't, I would fall for him. And we simply could not have that.

I was reminded of it every morning when I'd have to sneak out of his house or when I'd have to pretend like I didn't know where he was when anyone asked me. Gemma had started to catch on but her memory was for shit and she never brought it up to me exactly.

I sighed after staring at my empty inbox for another moment and then focused on how hot the sun was on my thighs and suddenly a slap across them caused me to scream.

"What the fuck!" I exclaimed and looked up to Thomas and Abel cracking up. "Fuck off Thomas!" I shot up and crossed my arms.

"Move over." He poked at my shoulder and I just scowled at him.

"I'll just pick you up to get you off." Thomas taunted in my ear and I slapped at him. "Come on sis. Please! Sorry I smacked you."

My eyes stayed hard as I looked up at my older brothers who were in a, happy? Mood. What had I missed?

"Quit being a grumpy gills Em, scoot." Abel bobbed his head to motion for me to scoot and so I complied.

Since when were we on good terms? And where was Grace?

"Where's Grace?" I looked to Abel and he froze, choking on his words.

"She, uh, Grace is uh, she's uh," Abel looked between us and Thomas made a face.

"T-t-t-today junior!" Thomas slapped his arm and the two of us lost it. Nothing like classic Billy Madison.

Abel smiled a bit and shook his head at the reference, "Sorry. She's at her apartment in L.A. I think."

"You think?" Thomas called him out. Abel's voice had sounded all vague and weird.

"Hopefully." Abel chewed at the inside of his cheek and then looked from his shoes to the two of us. "Look, I know we'll all figure this stuff out. Dad will get out of shit with Anthony and I can still be with her. Right?"

It sounded rhetorical. And the hope in his voice sounded fake and forced. My heart broke for him; he seemed to really be in love with her. I hadn't known of anyone else Abel had felt like this with.

"I'm sure." I nodded my head and nudged at Thomas to agree. He quickly nodded and squeezed Abel's shoulder. "Don't worry about it man. Everything will…work itself out." He chose his words carefully and I don't think either of our statements did anything to comfort Abel.

So he shrugged and looked at me, "Why are you camped out in this shitty little town?"

"Hey!" Thomas and I both chimed.

"It's not so bad! Plus I like hanging around Gemma and the guys. Mom and Dad are here. It's cool seeing them interact together." I rattled off my reasons but I ended up sounding like a baby. Just like they both always teased me about.

"It's nice having you around. Completely different than when I was holding down the fort with only Gemma as the other Teller. And she's a Teller-Morrow." He snickered and we all let out a small laugh.

The sun was really beginning to bake us then and I was about to suggest we go get some water from inside, when our parents walked in front of us.

"Hey guys, we gotta talk to you." Jax motioned for us to follow into the shop so that way we weren't all smushed inside the office. The mechanics saw us approach and looked eagerly to Thomas to see if their presence was wanted or not.

"I'll call you back in. Thanks guys!" Thomas shouted and waved at them and they fled the scene like a bunch of scattered marbles. Heading out every exit as quickly as they could.

I had this sinking feeling in my gut as I stood beside Abel and my mom while Thomas and Jax worked to get the garage doors closed. The shop became eerie and dimly lit. The way Jax looked at all of us caused goose bumps to rise on my skin.

"Well, your mother killed somebody last night." Jax looked to the three of us kids and we all stood paralyzed.

My hand rose to cover my shocked mouth and tears pooled in my emerald eyes.

_What_?

"Mom?" Abel's voice was shaky and unsure.

I was too terrified to move a muscle. Maybe if I stayed perfectly still, none of this would be real.

My eyes remained glued to Jax, who kept staring at my mom beside me.

"You didn't hide the goddamn body?" Thomas' voice was angrier than anything. As if he were somehow disappointed our mother couldn't pull off a perfect murder.

_Murder_.

"Mom." Abel said again, this time searching for some kind of sign that it couldn't be true. None of this could be true.

My mom brought babies into this world. She saved their lives and when something wasn't right she fixed it. Sutures and stitches. Love and kisses.

My mom was not someone who would murder in cold blood.

Jax's eyes looked at me and he visibly softened, reaching his arms out for me to go to him. I immediately crashed into him, letting him hold me close. His hand rubbed on my back as I remained still. My arms were frozen by my side.

"What the hell happened?" Abel strained to not yell.

"It was Michael Jones." My mom's voice sounded like a cornered animal. Like she was wildly defensive of every choice she had made. As if murdering someone was the only way.

"Mi—Michael?" Thomas' shock had returned and his voice lost all the anger.

Michael Jones?

He was the man my mom had dated for a bit. The one with the salt and pepper hair and lame jokes. Michael cooked chicken tetrazzini and listened to my mom talk about her surgeries. I knew they had called things off because he was rushing to marry and well, my mom wasn't even divorced.

And now we stand in the auto shop with her husband and my dad and she _killed_ someone.

"What the fuuuuuck?" Abel dragged out and even though my face was shoved into Jax, I knew he was beginning to pace, just like he always did when he was at a loss.

"So what do we do now?" Thomas changed the subject. He was all business now, ready to take charge and put on his 'I'm the Vice President of the Sons of Anarchy' hat.

Jax gently pulled away and looked down at me, urging me that everything would be okay. But things did not feel okay, nothing felt okay.

And all I ached for was Miles. I wanted him to grab my hand and tell me he'd take care of everything.

"We steal the body, burn it, and hide the evidence." Jax listed off, looking past me and at my family.

Miles.

My knees started to give and Jax held me up, grunting at my weight and started saying comforting words that just went in one of my ears and out the other.

"Emily, we need you to keep it together. We need you." Thomas was at my side and rubbing my back.

"Em, it's okay. We're all here." Abel put his hand on my head and Jax's support helped me gather my stance again.

"I love you." My mom murmured and squeezed my shoulder.

Shit.

"Okay." Was all I could say, all I could gather. Because what else do you say when you need to hide the evidence of your mom's crime?

"Okay." Jax said and he looked down at me smiling, he pulled me in for another hug but this time, I squeezed back.

Okay.

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**Fuck Fault in Our Stars by the way.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Happy April Fools day!**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Tara POV**

"Tara! Christ!" Jax stomped into the kitchen as the smoke fogged the room and alarms chimed their warning.

The oven creaked open and he eagerly grabbed at the blackened garlic bread and ran to toss it outside but I sat numbly at the kitchen table. Unable to really register the horrid smell or the cloudy atmosphere.

"Tara!" Jax stepped back into the kitchen but my eyes remained staring at the picture hung by the door that had caught my attention.

It was a photograph of a young Gemma with J.T., Thomas, and Jax.

Gemma's hair was wild, jet-black, and poofed up high with volume. Her face was smooth; without a sign of the wrinkles and wear it now donned. Her strong arms were full of an overjoyed 3 year-old Jax. Thomas' young arm reached up and held a vice grip on his mother's free hand. J.T. was laughing and looking down at Jax, his arm lazily roped around Gemma's stiff shoulder.

But her eyes.

They were hauntingly dark. J.T. was laughing along with the young boys while Gemma seemed to be ripping at the seams. As if she it took everything in her to stand in that picture. I could imagine her yanking away from J.T. as soon as the photographer was done.

I'm sure Clay Morrow had been the photographer.

My eyes fell back onto J.T.'s carefree face, he looked like he was so in love with his children. He looked like he was so happy to be in that family. His eyes lit up like he couldn't be more proud of those babies.

All the while, the photographer and his best friend; had been shacking up with his wife who was ready to ditch him.

So why had J.T. hung on?

Why did he turn the other cheek?

Or was he none the wiser?

This sick feeling overwhelmed me as I looked back to Gemma's exhausted figure and recognized _myself_.

Fighting to stay with my man and fighting for my family. Which ultimately meant protecting and working with the Sons of Anarchy.

Both husbands long dead, a child passed from the family heart flaw, and a son who had been in and out of jail. While I couldn't understand why J.T. hung on, I understood why Gemma had. Why she was still working in that damn office.

Family.

Jax dragged a chair to stand on top of in order to switch off the screeching fire alarm, "Tara, spot me."

I automatically jolted up, mom instincts kicking in, as I saw him climb atop the wooden chair. His arms reached and I stepped closer but my mind was still stuck on that picture. What was I willing to do for my family?

_Kill a man_, I answered myself and an icy chill of guilt ran through me.

The next thing I heard was a creaking and Jax's yelp, and before I could be snapped back to reality quick enough, he fell into Abel's ready arms while Thomas stood behind him.

"Dad!" Emily called from the living room and her feet scurried to check in. Abel looked at me incredulously; he was shocked at my lack of reaction, and gently set his father back onto his feet.

"Geesh Tara, good thing you were never into the cheerleading shit." Jax brushed himself off and scooted the chair back impatiently.

"S-sorry," I stuttered and looked at my worried children.

"Hey," Jax grabbed my arm and pulled me in to hold, "Hey. You're okay, Tara. I'm okay. It's okay." He ran his hand soothingly over my back and I allowed myself to breathe.

Jax pulled away and looked at me all scared, like he had when I told him about Michael. But he quickly wiped it from his face to smile reassuringly.

"We can order pizza again Mom." Thomas smiled sympathetically at me and shrugged.

I cleared my throat and attempted to shake it off. "No. No. You all have had too much pizza. I'm going to make some chicken alfredo and we'll have a salad instead of the garlic bread." I quickly walked to the pantry to pick out the ingredients and mindlessly tossed them onto the counter.

Their worried eyes followed my every move but I tried my best to not let it effect me.

My fucking shaky hands were giving me away.

I zoned out once more as the water filled up the black pot in my hands. The sink automatically shut off once it was full enough but I couldn't will myself to move.

The sickening crack of the knife in his skull.

The way the same knife was cold against my throat.

Emily reached for the pot and started the oven. The water immediately boiled, it must've been the brand new model that Gemma bragged of putting in Jax's house.

Thomas stepped beside me to toss the pasta in and Jax began to silently chop up cucumbers and carrots for the salad.

Abel squeezed my shoulder and grabbed the lettuce to wash up in the sink, and over his shoulder he said, "Go sit Mom. We got it."

My family.

What I wouldn't do for them.

I killed Michael Jones and I'd do it again if it were for them.

Michael Jones.

Hot, burning bile arose and I threw up at the memory all over the tiled kitchen floor. My legs began to shake so bad I had no choice but to allow myself to sink to the floor beside my own vomit.

"Mommy, mommy." Emily rushed to my side to pull me in and began to rock me calm.

"Get a mop." Jax commanded and I just closed my eyes, exhausted.

"Watch out Em, let me go lay her down." Thomas was beside me then, and scooping me up but my eyes remained shut.

I gripped onto my baby boy and reminded myself that it was for him.

Everything I did was for my family.

After being laid down, I drifted in and out of restless sleep, the image of Gemma in that photograph haunting my every thought.

**Jax POV**

I stared off absently while Opie droned on with Chibs about the pros and cons of Juice.

He was impulsive, greedy, and a horrible excuse for a team player.

Yet he was calculated, cold, and a very excellent businessman. Well, for running guns and now drugs apparently.

He was a more vicious version of Clay, if it were at all possible. And I'd be lying if I said the thought of Thomas being in such close quarters with him didn't make me nervous. I didn't like the fact that my friends and family were under his command. And that was my driving point to get him out.

But how?

That was the question of the hour.

The memory of Tara's ghostly face this morning was gnawing at me, she had insisted I show up today and I knew better than to argue about it. There was no reasoning with her at this point and I believed I had the patience to wait it out.

I played with the wearing leather of my kutte and looked onto Chibs who was in a spitting rage about getting out of the guns like we had right before I got locked up. Way back when.

"There are no glory days man. All we have is here and now. With Thomas as president, I think we can really turn this shit around. Once and for all." Opie insisted.

"Thomas?" I came back into the conversation at the mention of my son's name,

Chibs and Opie both froze and looked at each other, silently and eagerly trying to get the other to explain things to me.

"He's the best choice Jackie boy. We're all too old and Thomas knows the ins and outs already. I think he's at the perfect age as well. He doesn't have himself an old lady, let alone a family of his own-" I cut Chibs off.

"He's my family." I narrowed my eyes at Opie, hoping he'd immediately back me but he shrugged.

"Thomas is a smart kid, Jax. He knows what he's doing. He's got your temper plus a few but he's young and it'll wear off."

I opened my mouth to argue further when a faint knock came upon the church doors.

"Hey, uh, Jax." Miles stuck his head into our meeting causing the three of us to glance up. Opie held a hard gaze and snapped, "What Miles?"

"It's Tara." Miles nodded his head to behind him, motioning that Tara was out there.

Fuck.

I shot up and Opie and Chibs both nodded sympathetically. They knew what Tara was dealing with. The whole club knew.

Tara stood there with her sunglasses perched on her head and arms crossed tightly against her chest. "Hey," I smiled and she gave a tight lipped grin in return.

"I'm thinking of heading back up to Oregon. St. Thomas isn't really working out and well, you're back now and I trust you enough to know you can handle the kids." Tara glanced down at her phone as if she were already bored with me, like she was annoyed at the idea I might argue her on this decision.

It angered me to the point of not wanting to give her the satisfaction of being right about her prediction of how this conversation would go.

"Okay." I said.

"Okay?" Her mouth gaped a tad and her body relaxed some in shock.

How was I supposed to fight her right now? Last night when I tried tough love and talking her into returning to work, she was more than happy to throw Michael Jones in my face.

I could never win anything with her now.

It had been 4 days since her meltdown in the kitchen and through the constant care of the four of us, she was still merely the shell of the person she used to be.

Her murder of Michael Jones was not directly affiliated with me, and yet she blamed me. There was no way I could make up it up to her, she was harboring too much pain. Retreating back and refusing to let me in anywhere besides her pussy.

I sighed and bit at my lip, "What am I supposed to say?"

"Nothing. You've said enough." Tara tossed her phone in her purse and tucked her hair behind her ears.

"Tara," I started but she held her hand up defiantly.

"No. Tell the kids where I am. They'll probably stick around here since you're the shiny new toy. I'll call one of them when I'm back home and they'll let you know, I'm sure." Tara then turned and began to walk away.

"Baby," I stepped forward, knowing I was staring a losing battle.

"See you around Jackson." And with that she was out of the clubhouse.

Like we hadn't been together, like we didn't have kids, like she was passing off the ball as if it were my turn.

Like she knew I didn't love her.

Like she didn't know I already knew she loved me back.

"Christ." Juice turned the corner, obviously having heard the whole encounter.

"Shut your god damn mouth, kid." I snapped.

"We'll see about that." Juice smirked and followed out the same way Tara had just left from.

I lashed out in defeat, and began to kick at the bar stools and chairs littered about. Quickly, I was out of breath and weak so I just closed my eyes and relished the silence of the clubhouse.

Could I just go back to prison? It'd be a hell of a lot easier.

**Tara POV**

Tears welled my eyes as I pulled away from the parking lot, praying that my coldness would keep him at bay.

Counting on the fact that my kids would want to stick around with him so none of them would follow after me.

I needed to keep them out of this, if at all possible.

Jax needed to know that I was protecting our kids; he'd have to forgive me, right?

I fought every instinct to turn around and run to his arms. I needed to battle this out for myself once more.

I thought of Gemma once more as I pushed past the Charming city limits and out to the nearest strip club.

Then I could be directed to where I needed to be.

I had to save my family and give my children the chance they deserved to be with their father.

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**Think, who owns strip clubs in my story? (hint hint) hehe can't wait to show ya'll the chapter after this. I hope you liked it!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you all for your continued support.**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Abel POV**

It had been two weeks since the last time I saw Grace and 3 days since I had last spoken to her.

My mom had been missing for a week.

Jax had been gone for 5 days.

That mohawk guy Juice, hadn't been spoken of in a few days.

Thomas was restless at Teller-Morrow, running petty errands, all the while nagging to me about believing there were things going on that he wasn't aware of. Whatever that meant. Either way, he was distracted and not much help recently.

Emily was still filing paper work and answering calls with our even more forgetful grandmother, Gemma. Sneaking off at random times throughout the day and being awful alert for someone who was just working at a car shop with the family.

But then again, Teller-Morrow was obviously not your local Jiffy Lube.

So here I sit at the registrar's office at UCLA medical school; with these wretched iron knots in my stomach, aching to make a run for it but willing to make myself stay.

Life wasn't supposed to go this way.

I had long gotten over not having a dad and was even getting over my mom admitting she had hidden him from us and forcing me to keep it a secret from my siblings. I had worked my ass off in school to become a doctor, and if you were to ask me 3 months ago where I would be in 5 years, I would easily say operating in a hospital with Grace as my wife.

If anyone were to ask me that today, I'd have no fucking idea.

They say life is what happens when you're too busy planning for it or something like that but it sounds like some cheesy postcard shit my mom would frame in her new living room in Jax's place in Charming, California. If she even lived there anymore, that is. But there was no way I could have planned for this.

I knew Grace had been screening my calls ever since I freaked her out about her Dad wanting to have Jax's head. Up to this point, she didn't have a clue who her dad was and there was no one but him to blame for it. But it was never my place to spill those beans.

I was crossing lines here and there. I had been so careless with calling in sick and not studying up or missing out on sleep. Just to make sure my mom didn't slit her wrists in the bathtub after killing Michael.

Another hard lump stuck in my throat.

The way Michael's flesh singed and burned when Thomas threw the match into the deep, damp, hole that he, Jax, Emily, my mom, and I had spent the past 30 minutes digging. My mom threw her shovel aside and rushed to the car before she could see us toss the body inside. Emily threw up and Jax urged her to go back to the car and stay with our mom.

That left the three of us.

We had snuck into the medical examiner's room with Opie's reluctant help. We didn't tell him a thing about why we needed him to but Jax and Thomas laid down the law and Opie had no choice but to comply. He was suspicious but his love and loyalty for Jax overrode any doubt he had to help us.

"Abel Teller?" A female's voice rung through the hallway, snapping me out of the sick memory. I shot up and held my hand up as a wave and gave a meek smile.

She waved me inside and I forced myself to go in through the door.

Today, I was putting everything on hold. Today, I was fucking myself over, and for what? I wasn't quite sure.

I told the woman that I needed to drop from medical school and without a plea or beg she handed me papers to sign by the X and then shook my hand.

"Hope to see you soon, Abel. Your grades are fantastic. I'm sure you'll do great things." She said encouragingly.

"Here's hoping." I mumbled and dragged myself out of the building and into the scorching heat of the California sun.

I pulled my phone out to call Jax but I dialed Grace's number, knowing she wouldn't answer but hoping that she would anyways. After two rings it went into voicemail. She had ignored me.

"Hey it's Grace, leave a message!"

"Hey Grace, it's uh, it's me. I just dropped from med school so you won't be seeing me around. I don't know if that's something you want or not. Well, obviously it is. My mom hasn't come back, and I'm not using it as a pity card to get you to call me like you accused me of a few days ago. I don't really know why I'm even calling really, I guess just hoping to hear your voice. Hope you're doing alright. Okay, well, I-I…" I trailed off then cleared my throat before I said the instinctual 'I love you' and settled for "Bye Grace." Before hanging up quickly.

Then I really did call Jax and he actually answered, "Hey Abel. How's it going?"

"She's not home." I said, I knew that was the question he wanted to ask but was trying to sound interested in my day.

"Fuck." Jax sighed heavily and coughed up a storm on the other line.

"Jax? You okay?" I got a little worried when he didn't answer right away.

"Yeah, fine, sorry. It's the dust. Um, look, I'm checking one more place then coming home. I don't really know what to do from here." Jax's voice was breaking and I didn't really need to get upset right now so I quickly nagged about getting out of the desert and coming home.

Then, I called Thomas.

"Hey, what's up?" Thomas was drinking, I could tell.

"Just leaving school. Where are you?" I asked.

"The cops found the grave, dug up Michael's body." Thomas slurred.

Ice coursed through my veins, the memory of the burnt flesh smell caused my stomach to churn.

"What?" I snapped.

"It's on the news. We didn't go far back enough in the woods, it was clear as day." Thomas sounded so nonchalant I wanted to scream.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Thomas? What are we gunna do? Dad is god knows where along with mom."

"You called him Dad." Thomas laughed.

"Yeah, so? I've done it before." I countered defensively, because I had.

"It's cute." Thomas scoffed and I rolled my eyes even though he wasn't there to see.

"Fuck off. What are we doing?" I pulled myself into my truck, panic overpowering my anger.

"Just get down here we'll figure it out. Don't sweat it Abel, there's no fingerprints or anything. No way to trace it to us."

"There's a way to trace it to mom." I said the realization out loud and I could hear Thomas freeze.

"Get down here." And with that we hung up.

So I sped off back to Teller-Morrow. The place that I was giving everything up for. I felt sick again, like maybe I should be regretting my decision but it was more because of the ache in missing a girl who didn't care. The gas pedal in my car was pressed to the floor, my truck picking up it's speed as I fought the urge to pull off and make myself puke.

I parked into the lot of Teller-Morrow and saw Opie, Chibs, Tig, and Jay were all lounging by their parked bikes. They looked real serious but I wasn't in the mood to have them pick me apart and make small talk. So I walked by their puzzled faces and waved a half ass hello.

"Hey!" Opie yelled after me and followed behind, "Have you spoken with your dad?"

I continued walking towards that big room with the huge wooden table that everyone called 'church' and before I pushed the doors open, I spun to look at Opie. "Yes. No, I don't know where he is. No, I don't know where my mom is. No, I don't know where anyone fucking is. No, I did not have a good day." The words spewed from my mouth, each catching Opie by surprise.

"Look here asshole, you need to check that attitude of yours." Opie's kind voice hardened.

I sighed and ran an exhausted hand through my longer hair. It was now long past it's usual buzz cut length I kept it at and it was becoming an obnoxious tick of mine to run my hands all over it.

"I know you're stressed out and life hasn't been too great, but don't take that shit out on me. I'm just here to help." Opie softened once more and I nodded my head in thanks and gave him a small smile.

"Thomas has a lot to tell you." Opie nodded towards the doors and I cringed at the idea of the club knowing everything. Would they think of me differently? What about mom?

That sick feeling rose up again and I ran towards the bathroom just wanting to make myself vomit to hopefully aid the uneasiness. I had never been such a nervous wreck in my life.

I bolted for the bathroom door and Opie's heavy sigh sounded from behind me. As I pulled the door open, my jaw dropped.

"SHIT!" Miles' eyes met mine and before I knew it mine fell to my little sister, shirtless and on her knees before him. Her mouth had just been around his dick.

I couldn't close the door, why couldn't I close the damn door?

All I saw was red, my hands began to shake, and I could hear Emily's soft yet pushing voice urging me to calm down.

I just kept staring at Miles and his wide, dopey eyes.

"Abel! Abey, Abey! Please!" Emily clutched her shirt to her bare chest and reached her free hand out to touch my arm that was still in solid contact with the door handle.

For a moment, I closed my eyes.

I saw that time Jax chased a man out of our house with a gun. And the time that he got me a toy truck for my birthday. Then, I remembered back to my mom holding Emily in her arms. How soft her baby hair felt when Thomas and I touched it.

My eyes shot open and without thinking I just slammed the door.

This was the last shit I needed.

Fuck. I turned and punched my hand through the wall, needing to rid all that from my body. Whatever 'that' was.

I didn't know where my mom was. I dropped out of school. Grace didn't care. Thomas cared too much. Gemma couldn't remember dates. Jax wouldn't stop bringing up memories of me as a baby. I couldn't call my dad 'dad' since that time in the hospital and Emily was just on her knees.

"Abel, hey, I heard you come in. You—" Thomas spoke as he walked down the hallway but immediately halted upon seeing me wrist deep in a wall.

"Abel?" Thomas looked at me quizzically and then at the bathroom door.

Shitshitshitshitshit.

Miles was his _best friend_. FUCK. How could I forget?

I yanked my hand from the wall and hissed at the after-pain, my knuckles already swollen and bloody. "I, uh, hey, uh, I just was stressed ok? I…I dropped out of school."

"Why?" Thomas sounded hurt, like I had just burnt him.

"Because. I can't go to operate on someone when I get 2 hours of sleep a night for months on end. I can't go help others or teach or learn when our mom is not home and our family is this fucked up. I need to be…here. I need to be all here." I rattled off, clenching and unclenching my swollen hand, mezmorized by the burning sensation that rushed through me every time I opened my palm.

"Jesus. That was your future, Abel. We all understood that. I got that. You're a doctor." Thomas was staring at me but I couldn't look at him.

Fucking Miles.

"I just want to be here, okay? I already did it, its done, leave it be." I looked up at him, finalizing the conversation. Thomas swallowed hard and nodded quickly.

"I love you." Thomas said solemnly.

I closed my eyes for a moment again. But this time nothing showed. The emptiness of my mind was numbing. It felt amazing, like a break of some sort, to not have the past forever stuck replaying in my mind. It'd been like that since we'd all been here in Charming. Worse since Grace wouldn't speak to me. I opened again and nodded. "I love you."

Thomas squeezed my shoulder and then stepped around me, "Gotta take a leak."

"No!" I shouted, taking us both aback, "Just, ya know, took a shit. Not too pretty in there." I calmed myself, trying to play it cool.

"I'll leave the door open, I gotta go." Thomas shook me off and his hand was touching the handle.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

He swung the door open and I cringed, waiting to pull him back.

"It's not even bad dude. You're fine." Thomas rolled his eyes at me and I peered around to see an empty bathroom. A fucking window. There was still a crack and I looked down and saw Emily's bra beside the toliet.

I checked Thomas to see if he caught on that I was being weird but he was already peeing. I cringed at the memory of what just happened before me and debated for a moment on whether or not to tell Thomas.

"Emily is riding along with us later to go to a bar. You should come with and we can talk more there." Thomas craned his neck to talk to me but I just continued staring at the window.

"Try to get Emily to go with you. She keeps riding on the back of Miles' bike because his seat is bigger but I'd rather her just ride in a car if they're going to be drinking." Thomas finished his business and was going to wash his hands.

Sneaky little bitch.


	19. Chapter 19

**It's not mine! Thanks for reading.**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Jax POV**

"I'm thirsty." A mumble came from the backseat of my mother's truck.

I inwardly groaned and rolled my eyes, willing myself to keep ignoring Juice Ortiz and ignoring the urge to strangle him quiet. My fingers began to nervously tick on the steering wheel as I realized I had about 5 minutes before we would arrive at Candy.

My phone buzzed and I waited for a moment to answer, trying to think about what I was going to say. Emily's name and number flashed across the screen and Juice let out a low chuckle. "Gunna answer for Daddy's little girl?"

Again, I had to will myself to not reach back there and slit his throat myself. I concentrated on not displaying my emotion across my face and watched the sun as it sunk lower onto the horizon. My phone eventually stopped buzzing but the silence granted me no peace. My gut churned while I ran through my head all the possible scenarios that could come of what I was just about to do.

Tara had run off a week ago without a trace. Well, nothing but a shitty fight she had with me about bullshit saying she was going back to Oregon. But I knew better and god; I wish I hadn't. So I went out to look for her. Because what the hell else was I supposed to do? We had just started to rebuild and forgive when she decided to go off and murder a stalker ex-lover.

That was supposed to be my job, I thought to myself and scoffed at the memory of Josh Kohn.

It took 2 days to find that sneaky woman. She had taken it upon herself to solve the club's shit. And for what? I could only think of Thomas. I did not even want to take credit for the craziness and bluntness of her move.

But, of course, nothing had gone to plan. It wasn't Tara that Anthony wanted; it was me. What was he to do with a club leader's, er, club member's old lady? Hold her captive, that's what.

I got a call two days ago, Thursday, saying he had her and she was safe for now but wouldn't be if I didn't get him what he wanted. I didn't have a fucking clue. If I went by myself, I was bound to be killed in front of Tara. Or worse, her killed before me.

I took it to church, without Thomas' presence or obviously, Juice's. And we all came to the conclusion that it was time to kill two birds with one stone. Exchange Juice for Tara.

It's drastic and it's dirty and honestly, I'm surprised it didn't take much talking to everyone to get them on board. Then again, it was turning our back on a brother. Miles had to keep a secret from his best friend. And Opie had no choice but to unquestioningly back me, so I didn't appear completely nuts.

It was a hot fucking mess to say the least.

And that is how I got Juice Ortiz in the back on my mother's car.

What did he do that was so bad? What made him deserve this type of fate?

Two years ago, Juice went on a rampage. The Americanos, a newer Mexican biker club, had screwed over the Sons and he knew that the old lady's of the members would be having some type of board game night. He took Tig, Jay, and Silver, and had Tig watch the outside. Then, the three men went inside and had their way with each and every one of them.

Why was there no retaliation? Juice made a deal with the Irish and had them mop the floor with Americano blood. There was no one left to retaliate.

Every decision since then had been the downfall of Juice and the club itself. There was no democracy, no vote, no order of power. It was Juice's commands and everyone following through, waiting for a change. Waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Well this was about to be the motherfucking change.

When we pulled into the parking lot and I haulted to a stop, Juice slammed against the passenger seat and groaned. "Jesus, Jax, a little heads up next time?"

I finally looked behind to a tied up, blindfolded, Juice Ortiz lying on the floor of the backseat. I couldn't help but notice how spotless it was. Props Mom.

I slammed the door and locked the vehicle, I debated on whether or not to leave the car to go inside but it ended shortly once Anthony stepped outside of his strip club. A sickening smirk spread across his face and he nodded towards the car. "Your henchmen aren't packed in there waiting to bail out the damsel in distress?"

I wasn't sure if he meant Tara or I, either way, I kept my concentration on remaining steady. "No. Where is she?"

"Inside." Anthony nodded for me to follow but I shook my head. "No. Bring her out here."

"I don't think you're really in the position to be calling any shots Teller." Anthony crossed his arms, his eyebrows furrowing in annoyance.

Shit. Shit. I was being too demanding. I sighed and motioned to my car.

"I have a delivery. If you're, um, packaging team, wants to come take a look at the merch, I'll be waiting right here." I tried to explain, nervous about any possible witnesses to what was happening.

It was only 6:30, so the club wasn't open and the only people there were a few dancers along with Anthony and his men. The air was thick with heat and anticipation, I hadn't done anything like this in years.

Anthony looked at me quizzically before whistling to signal his men to come outside. Shit. Now it was 6 against 1.

If I wasn't before, I was now definitely regretting my decision of not bringing Miles and Opie with me. The men charged over to my car and I followed alongside Anthony. My nerves were getting the best of me and my hands began to shake as the peered into the window.

"Is that your president?" One man craned his neck, accusing me.

"Yes." I nodded stoicly.

"What the fuck are we supposed to do with that?" Another snapped, but this time looking to Anthony. Anthony sighed heavily, his annoyance visibily growing.

"Vincent and Marcus, you stay out here by the car. Jax follow us inside." Anthony turned and began to walk back, just as I started to follow he barked once more, "Give them the fucking keys, Teller."

I rolled my eyes at the demand and tossed the keys to Marcus or Vincent or whoever the hell was standing beside my mother's car.

Then I jogged to catch up with the Italians inside the dimly lit, smoky, dance club and even further back into a dusty, stuffy office area. Cluttered with papers and folders and most importantly, Tara Knowles. Handcuffed to the heater beside her and wide eyed at my entry.

"Tara!" I lunged forward and was held back by two of the men, I tried to fight but Tara shook her head urgently. Another man stepped around us to stand beside her, unlocking her from the handcuffs and pushing a gun to her head. I immediately flailed harder, needing to get her away from all of this.

"Ah, Jackson, Jackson. Your woman is fine. I haven't touched a hair on her head. There are more important things to discuss." Anthony waved away the man posing an immediate threat to calm my reaction. I responded by standing still and keeping my eyes glued on a terrified Tara.

"You have territory that I need. You are running drugs where I need to." Anthony listed off as he took a seat beside my wife. She cringed at his presence and I fought the urge to lunge forward once more.

I felt Anthony looking me over but I remained staring at Tara, trying to calm her with my presence. "What I need from you Jax Teller, is money. Money your puny club does not have. So what am I to do?"

"I have Juice because he is the one running drugs," I tore my eyes away from Tara to glare at Anthony, "I was in jail, so I couldn't quite be making calls of where and who we were running drugs to."

Anthony let out a low chuckle and turned to the man with the gun beside him and whispered. The extra men then quickly exited the room, causing silent panic to cross Tara's face. Anthony placed a hand on her shoulder and I stiffened.

"We don't want anyone going to jail now, do we?" Anthony looked at Tara and then back at me and I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at.

There was no way he could know about Michael. Could he?

"Listen, I give you Juice and you give me Tara. We let bygones be bygones. No more drugs in the Sons and you get your territory back. That's money and business right there." I explained to both Tara and Anthony.

Tara let out a small smile to let me know she was alright, and a warmth spread over me.

"But what about Michael?" Anthony smiled real big, causing a chill to course up my spine. My eyes widened in pure panic at Tara's apologetic expression.

"What about him?" I tried to play it off but Anthony just shook his head at me.

"Mr. Teller, I am aware that you have a dead body on your hands. On your _wife's_ hands. Michael Jones was my ex-brother-in-law. Keeping an eye out on your wife while you were locked away. And paying me back for leaving my little sister which lead to her suicide." Anthony squeezed Tara's shoulder and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Goddammit Tara.

"What do you need Anthony? What do you want? I'm here and you have the love of my life. I'm at your fucking service. The cards are in your fucking hands." I spat.

"I don't need anything now. I just wanted you to know that I am fully aware of every secret you thing you have been keeping. I'd watch that son of yours, Abel? Or is it Thomas? Not sure which one is fucking my daughter." Anthony's voice lowered, "Emily would be real easy to take out to Thailand for my little side _business_ over there."

I shot up and pointed a finger in his face, "You come near my fucking kids—"

"And what? I'm dead? Just leave me to your murderer wife, I'm sure she'll take care of it. Hopefully this time, you all can manage to properly dispose of the fucking body." Anthony grabbed Tara's hair firmly and jerked her towards him. Tara let out a yelp and Anthony pressed a kiss on her cheek, "See you real soon, little lady." Then he jerked her up and tossed her over to me.

I clutched onto her with everything, grasping at her because I couldn't believe I actually had her in my arms.

"Get the fuck out of my club. We'll be in touch, Teller." Anthony waltzed out of the room without a worry in the world.

Tara immediately began to sob and melt into my hold.

"Come on baby, we got to go." I started to move but Tara stood frozen.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry Jax." Tara's ghostly appearance shook me and I took a deep breath before saying, "Baby, you're fine. You are safe. We are safe. We need to leave."

"I love you, I wasn't really going to leave you. I can never fucking leave you. I can't do it again Jax, I can't leave you. I can't. I can't." I grabbed her up then, trying to soothe her once more.

"No one is asking you to." I whispered calmly into her hair but she just shook her head and cried harder.

"Our family! Someone is going to end up dead because of me." She sobbed more and at this point in time, I did not have the time or patience to calm her.

So I tossed her over my shoulder at the sight of Anthony's men making their way back down the hallway towards us.

I took off, adrenaline allowing my old bones to carry a delusional Tara outside. I hauled ass to the truck and tossed her inside the empty cab.

They had Juice. Good. I think.

Once I was back in the driver's seat, my nerves still buzzing, I reached for my phone.

"We're coming home." I said after Abel's greeting.

"Good." Abel sighed and hung up without a goodbye.

I looked into the rearview mirror and felt Tara lean in towards me.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, exhausted; and kissed me on the cheek before leaning her head on my shoulder.

"I love you." I said, craning to look into her eyes.

"I love you." She replied and closed her emerald eyes shut. Relief rushed through me and I looked up to see Anthony's men making their way outside slowly. Letting their presence be known.

And with that, I sped off to take us home. Home to Charming, to our house, to our family.

**Emily POV**

Miles scruff rubbed against my thighs as he kissed his way up, up, up.

"Stop." I pushed at him and he laughed as he continued to kiss, thinking I was joking around.

"Knock it off!" I snapped and he instantly pulled away and looked up at me worriedly, "You okay?"

I shook my head and closed my eyes. We were in the kitchen of the clubhouse and I was laying across the island that food was fucking made on. The metal was no longer cold against my back but this icy feeling of worry and stress was eating away at me. I hadn't eaten in two days.

My stomach growled and Miles jokingly pinched at my stomach and stood up straight, "Want a PB&amp;J?"

"More than anything." I sighed.

I watched as Miles silently pulled all the ingredients out and piled jelly on top of the peanut butter. He poured two glasses of Coke and before he put everything away he turned to look at me.

"I love you Emily."

My eyes jerked away and I bit at my lip.

"I know you don't feel like you can say it, but I know you love me too."

Miles then turned and continued to put all the various things away.

With every cabinet being shut, I felt more and more guilty.

Why couldn't I just say it?

Because I did. I really did. I loved Miles and everything he did for me and everything he was. There was a single thing about him that made me question it.

Even though he was my brother's best friend and was in the Sons of Anarchy. Miles looked at me like I was the only girl in the world.

"I love you too." I said when he handed me the PB&amp;J on a plate.

Miles smiled so big, he tossed the plates beside me on the island and jerked me up to kiss me. His hands ran through my hair and mine were trailing up his back.

A voice cleared from the doorway and he immediately pulled away. Abel stood in the hallway, holding the door open, "Jax has Mom. They're coming home."

Miles pulled away and walked over to say something to Abel, all I could make out was something about Jax, Juice, and Abel shrugging.

They both turned to look at me, shirtless on the island and Abel rolled his eyes. "Put some fucking clothes on."

I reached for my shirt and pulled it over my head hurriedly as footsteps came down the hall.

"Did Abel tell you?" Thomas poked his head in and Miles grabbed his arm.

"We have to talk." Miles said and Thomas' eyes automatically gravitated towards me.

Shit.

I played innocent and shrugged.

Miles pulled at Thomas and they walked back down towards the bar area of the clubhouse and Abel just shook his head at me. "You aren't very good at being sneaky."

I flicked him off and he laughed as he followed behind our brother.

Don't do anything stupid Miles. Please.


	20. Chapter 20

**Not mine, thanks for reading!**

**Enjoy xo.**

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**Thomas POV**

The California sun baked my family as we sat around Jax's backyard, each of us anxiously debating what our next move was.

After Abel broke the news of leaving school, you can probably guess how swimmingly that went, everyone was in shambles of how to get us out. What did "getting out" even mean?

Emily smacked her gum while Abel kicked at the pebbles before him. My mom was rattling off on how she has messed up and what she would give to take it all back. Her ramblings cause my Dad to go into a rage, he finally stops pacing and stops dead in his tracks.

"Tara, you shut your goddamn mouth." He snarls.

Abel hops up, "Say that again asshole!"

"HEY! HEY!" Emily stands beside Abel and pulls at his arm to get him to return to his seat, but he keeping his defensive stance. My mom sits silently and I just roll my eyes. The same damn fight that's been happening for how long now?

"Everyone shut up!" I yelled, but remained seated beside my mother. Everyone snapped their heads in my direction and before Abel could get a word in I continued, "As far as we know, Juice is still alive. Anthony will be back and we don't know what that means. Does he want the club? Who does he want dead? Does he want anyone dead?"

"He wants all of you dead. Or maybe just Tara; so that I feel pain, so that we all feel pain." Jax's sad eyes went to my mom but she kept a steady look on her face, looking at him in reassurance.

"Abel, that means no more Grace. I know—" I started but Abel jerked towards me this time, Emily holding him back once more.

"You have no fucking idea! You don't know shit, what have you given up? What have you even done?" Abel's voice cracked at the end.

"No one asked you to do any of this! This was all by your doing!" I shouted back, he jumped back a bit at the severity in my tone but he was annoying the shit out of me with all of this martyr shit. Our mom's life, all of our lives, were at risk and all he can do is bitch and complain about how bad he has it.

"You just told me to quit with Grace! I had to do that and for what?" Abel screamed.

"For family!" Emily smacked his arm, "We said it earlier and I'm going to say it again now. We buried a fucking body, one that which our own mother killed, and now we need to protect each other. We fucking need each other!"

Emily's eyes narrowed in on our mom, "No running. No petty bullshit. From this point on, we are all equal. We are all making sacrifices that need to be made. So suck it up!" She shoved Abel one more time for good measure and shot each of us a look.

I gave her a small smile as a thank you and she smiled back, that was exactly what we all needed.

"I have something to say too," Our mom smiled nervously at us and chewed at her lip for a moment before staring at Jax. "I need a place of my own—"

"Like hell you're living on your own!" Jax quickly interjected but she held her hand up and remained calm.

"I love you." She said warmly, softly, then looked at all of us, "I love you all. But I need to be by myself. I'm not ready for this. I forced myself to be ready and I wasn't. I don't know why I thought this would be some sort of easy transition but I now know that it is hard, none of this is simple. But I'm willing to do it. I just need my own space."

"Okay." I said, making it a done deal.

Speaking for us all.

I didn't want to hear Jax go on and try to force her to stick around. My mom was not someone to be molded and played with, she was her own person. Nothing frustrated her more than being forced into something.

"Okay." She smiled hugely at us and stood, "Now come here." She waved us in for a hug.

I grabbed her up in my arms so tight, I didn't want anyone to snatch her away. Tara Knowles was my mother, and I was so damn proud of it. My family's arms snaked around each other and I finally felt it; home.

"I love you." Jax said, standing over beside Abel.

I wasn't sure if he meant it for just my mom or to us all, but I swore I heard Abel say it back.

**Emily POV**

After our family pow-wow yesterday, I felt refreshed and encouraged. Reassured that I made the right choice in coming here and sticking around. A thick breeze blew through the cracked door of the office; it was a sticky, hot and still air. I felt a bit claustrophobic but less than I would have a month ago.

Since my arrival, I had organized everything. Files were where they were supposed to be, logged in the computer, and I had even gotten some redecorating in also. It wasn't smothered in icky posters of half naked women. It wasn't very fitting considering the fact that my grandma and I were running the place.

Prices were readjusted, new mechanics hired, and crappy ones were fired. I was doing this business good. Although, I didn't have a foot in the Sons like Gemma did, I was very much in charge of Teller-Morrow Auto Shop.

As I thumbed through some price filings, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Gemma with a deep fire of hatred burning in her eyes. "Grandma?" My voice shook as I winced away from eye contact.

"Get your bitch ass up out of here! Just who do you think you are, running around this place?" She spat, yanking at my arm. Maybe if this was happening a few years ago she would've been able to really shake me up, but her age held her back.

"Grandma, what?" I rose from my seat, hoping it would calm her.

"You think you can just strut around here and steal my son? _My son_?!" My grandma got right in my face, "You better think again, honey."

"What are you talking about?!" I became defensive, thinking that she was going off about Miles in such a public place.

I was pretty sure she knew everything but she had kept a tight lip this whole time about it. I figured it was because it gave her some nostalgia about her and my grandfather. Or maybe this guy Clay I hear about sometimes.

"Just go off to that damn school! You think you're so much better than us, than _be_ better than us. Because you're nothing but a piece of white trash not even your daddy wants." Gemma shoved me and I almost lost my balance at the shock.

"Stop! What are you saying?" Tears crept into my eyes. How dare she. I had done nothing but be here for the family.

"Jax does not belong outside of Charming. We belong here, we belong here." Her eyes became distant and when I reached out to touch her, she slapped my hand away.

Jax?

Did she think I was my mother?

"Grandma, Grandma, it's me. It's Emily, your granddaughter. I'm not Tara." My voice shook in sadness and horror. I knew she had been awful forgetful lately, but this was a whole other story. I knew what this behavior meant.

"I know that! I know that." Gemma backed away a bit, a look of confusion flashing across her face. I reached for her once more but I froze when I heard a choked down sob from behind me.

"Mom," My dad's voice cracked and Gemma looked past me and at Jax standing in the doorway.

"Hi baby." She smiled joyfully, like none of this had just happened. I spun in shock to look at him, but he just let tears roll down his cheeks at the sight. "What's the matter? Jax, what happened baby?" Gemma stepped towards him and he quickly stepped in the tiny office to wrap her up in his arms.

I felt like a stranger, witnessing such an intimate moment. Yet I couldn't bring myself to look away. I took in the way he held her so close and the way she rubbed circles on his back as the tears kept falling from his face.

"Dad," I choked out, but stopped in surprise. The backs of my hands rubbed at my wet face and I realized that I had been crying also. "Dad." I said again, needing him to hold me in that same way.

Then he looked at me, a look of pure sorrow and sorry. Like he felt so awful I had to be here right now. But all I could feel was my heart breaking for him. He knew what this meant. It meant my mom was right, it meant Grandma was sick, it meant too much to just sweep under the rug.

My dad waved me over to join the embrace, and Gemma opened up to sandwich me between them. I imagined how nice this would have been when I was much younger, but hell, even now it felt so comforting.

"Hey baby girl, what's with all the tears? Why?" Gemma mumbled into my ears while she and my dad showered me in kisses all over my head. When I pulled away, I wiped at my left over tears, and nodded at my dad.

Jax took a deep, shaky breath and smiled at his mom. Gemma smiled back and pointed at the door, "I should be getting home. I need to make some dinner."

He nodded, "Let me take you home, Ma. I'll get you home."

As he passed me by, he squeezed my shoulder. "Don't tell your mother."

And with that he took Gemma home.

**Abel POV**

My arm tirelessly tugged at the lawn mower's starter, pulling and pulling attempting to try to get it to start up once more. This hunk of metal was a total piece of shit but I felt the need to do _something_.

Mom was inside Jax's house gathering up and sorting through her things with Emily.

Thomas was over with Jax at Gemma's house along with some of the guys from the club.

Once the mower started up, I mindlessly began to push it forward. Daydreaming about being home in Oregon and playing rock, paper, scissors with Thomas on who had to cut the grass and who got to do dishes.

"Hey!" I heard a yell from the street and I immediately glanced over to see Miles with his hands in his pockets. For a moment I debated on whether or not to turn the mower off, paranoid that it might not start up again, so my eyes switched between the two sights.

Miles just waved me off to signal that he was leaving me be and heading inside, but I had this sudden urge to stop him. I didn't want him in there so I cut it off right away. "Nah dude. She's not there." I shouted and he stopped in his tracks.

"But her car—" He pointed and I shook my head quickly.

"Nah. Not here. Sorry dude." And with that I got to cranking up the mower again. I slyly watched from the corner of my eye as he lowered his head and headed back to his bike. I don't know what made me keep him out, but it didn't feel right letting him just waltz in there with Thomas and Jax not knowing.

Emily was grown, yes. She could make her own choices and love who she wants but it was Thomas' best friend for god sakes and I didn't want to get dragged down in this anymore than I already have to be. Yes, I know already but that doesn't mean that they'll be able to claim I supported it.

My lips cracked and I noticed the dry ache in my throat and figured fuck this yard. It's not even mine. Or is it? Am I going to stick around here or go and live with my mom? Before I could wrack my brain any more, I turned to walk back inside the awkward atmosphere in the house to get some water.

"Hey." A familiar voice came from the very spot that Miles had been moments ago.

My heart stopped, along with my footsteps. I froze for a moment in disbelief before spinning around to see her standing right there. Her brown waves long and full, her face bright and calm.

"Grace!" I smiled so big and ran across the jungle of a front yard to get to her, aching to have her in my arms. She gave me a sad smile but I chose to ignore it as I pulled her in. Her warm, coconut smell rushed in my nose and I could cry, I felt so overjoyed.

I pulled away and held her face in my hands, "I missed you."

"I missed you." She repeated back, but she didn't sound so sure of herself. So again, I pulled her in, but this time I noticed the difference. I jumped back when I realized why she seemed so hesitant and nervous.

A roundness to her a stomach, a firm plump stomach jutted out from her shirt and I took a step back.

"Surprise." Grace said flatly, and I turned to the side and threw up.

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**Hope the 3 POV switch wasn't a pain, I probably won't do it again. Just needed to get the story going**


	21. Chapter 21

**Some is mine and some is not. Thank you so much for reviews and support!**

**Enjoyxo.**

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**Jax POV**

"This could be it, is it what you want Jackie?" Chibs hacked up a cough after taking a puff of a forbidden cigarette. He, Opie, and Miles were all staring at me, anxious for an answer and for knowledge of the club's next move.

I've made a lot of mistakes. I'm not a good man, and won't pretend that I am. But I could be.

I could be the father my kids deserved growing up, I could be a loving husband, and I could be a provider and source of strength in my family.

As of right now, I was not in familiar territory. The president's chair that I once thirsted so badly for was now nothing but a wooden seat. Power was nothing but a false sense of security and with age I've come to really see that family is everything. But the Sons was family.

I looked up and around at Opie, Chibs, and Miles as they continued to wait patiently.

Was I in or out?

I spent all my time in the rig pushing the club as far away as possible, all the while plotting my exit from the club without being seen as a traitor. But Thomas joining, let alone becoming the VP, was a game changer.

Juice was with Anthony and whether oxygen was wasting time in his lungs or not at this point, I don't think anyone cared. Which left 23 year old Thomas in charge.

Nothing shook me to my core more than that fact.

My memories of Thomas consisted of holding his warm, soft baby body close. Light, fuzzy hair that rubbed against my cheek while I burped him and the way he cried in the night before Tara would wake to soothe him. Yet here he was, about to take over the very thing that had been tearing my family apart from the beginning.

"Jax, we need to know what we're putting a vote on. Are we throwing your name in for presidency or Thomas?" Miles gently urged me to make up my mind but the words I wanted to stay were stuck in my throat.

Impatiently, I tapped my fingers onto the oak table before me that displayed the signature reaper. I couldn't imagine that baby boy I held so close, killing anyone. But then again, he did help me bury a body not too long ago.

Which brings that whole deal up. We need the club more than ever for support and cover. It'd be too suspicious if the Teller family upped and left Charming after this body was found.

I pushed my tongue to my cheek and tried not to let my voice shake, "Put my name in."

Opie's eyes widened while Chibs took a disappointed sigh. Miles nodded solemnly and cleared his throat, "Okay. We'll vote tonight at church. 7:00."

I couldn't let Thomas do it alone.

Not anymore.

**Abel POV**

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

My thoughts ran marathons in my mind, one chasing after the other without giving me the time to catch up. Nausea continued to wrack my body but I worked to keep it down as Grace sat patiently across from me.

"You don't have to worry about anything, I'll take care of it." Grace spoke softly to me, as if the tone of her voice mattered right now.

"Take care of what?" I jerked my eyes away from the floor and to her soften, glowing face. She was apparently 4 months along, but she was currently wearing a dress and sweater that camouflaged her well.

"I have a ticket to New York." Grace said coolly.

"New York?" All the air in my lungs escaped.

"I'll be with my mother. She'll help. My dad won't have to know for a while and hopefully when he finds out it'll be when all this…" She looked around my father's living room, "Blows over."

"Over my dead body." I spat, but Grace didn't falter. Her face remained calm and she pulled at the hem of her dress, preparing to give a speech I already knew she had probably rehearsed on the way over here.

"It's for the best Abel. What are you going to do with a baby? You dropped out of school and are in the midst of all this Sons of Anarchy business with your family. You just met up with your Dad and they need you now. Just like my family needs me." Grace stood up to cross the room but I quickly joined her, towering over her and looking down upon her with rage and fear.

"You're about to leave school and up and relocate across the country. This isn't a good time for either of us so quit making me the bad guy." Grace still kept a straight face, causing my anger to continue boiling in my blood.

"Well you're not a good guy." Grace's brown eyes narrowed and I turned to my side and snatched up the cup of coffee from the side table to chuck it across the room. The cold, aged coffee splattered on the soft carpeting while the mug shattered upon contact with the wall. Causing Grace to scream and me to shake with anger.

Red.

All I saw was red.

"What the hell!" My mom charged into the living room back from Jax's bedroom where she had been continuing packing. She looked at the mess and then to Grace and I with a stern look. "I'm not cleaning that up." Was all she said while looking directly at Grace.

I wasn't sure if she was talking about the coffee or me.

With that, she disappeared back into the bedroom, leaving Grace and I in continued silence.

"I had to spend my life without a Dad and it was not fun. I'm not doing that to my kid. And it is just that; _my_ kid." I looked at Grace but she was staring off at the newest decoration courtesy of me.

"I don't know if I want to be with a man in a biker gang. All I know is I want to be with…just, not this." Grace's eyes pooled with tears as she looked up at me. "You have changed so much since your Dad got out and you've been here. I'm at a loss. You told me about our dads a few days after I found out I was pregnant. And here I stand, as the father of my baby throws and breaks something out of anger. What am I supposed to do Abel?"

I shoved my fingers through my hair and closed my eyes for a moment, taking in what all she had said. The shaking returned, but her words made me drop my angry guard. Sadness overwhelmed me at all of my wrongdoings as of late. When I dropped out of school, I wasn't thinking of her or myself. I claim to love her but didn't take her into account.

"You pushed me away. You could've told me earlier and you chose to make this your own secret. You…" I trailed off as tears began to flood my own eyes, "Don't do that again. Please."

Grace had been a few steps away from me but closed the space as she took me into her arms.

This was home.

All of the heartbreak I had been swallowing down and pushing away surfaced as she held me with strength and silence.

Grace would be an excellent mother. She_ is_ going to be an excellent mother. And I will be the Dad.

My arms wrapped around her, pulling her as close as possible, letting her know that all the words that were just said didn't matter. As long as she was mine again.

"Don't leave," Escaped from my lips and Grace answered with a kiss on my cheek, "Never again."

"Abel?" Thomas' voice squeaked from the entry of Jax's home. I tried to keep my grip on Grace as I craned my neck to look at him, but she quickly escaped and stood beside me awkwardly.

"Hi Thomas." Grace greeted nervously and Thomas smiled at her before turning more serious as he looked to me.

"What are you doing?" Thomas hissed.

"We were just-" I started but Grace shook her head eagerly. So I sighed before looking back to my brother, "I needed to see her."

"Abel," Thomas started but probably couldn't say what he wanted to in Grace's presence. Emily then entered the room, standing beside him. "Hey! Oh," She looked at Grace in surprise and then back to me, "Hey." She said more flatly.

"I'm Grace." She smiled at the two of them and only Emily's smile seemed sincere in return. Thomas was holding back, unsure of how to react in this situation.

I wanted to explain everything, let them know that things just got a whole lot more complicated; but honestly, I still wasn't even sure if she was actually sticking around.

"You were our waitress when our Dad passed out from the heart attack. Right after he got out." Emily pointed to her in recognition.

Grace nodded and bit her lip, I grabbed her hand to save her from this awkward interaction but she pulled away and smiled up at me. "I better get going, it's close to dinner and I've got to get home. I'll um, see you around."

"Grace—" I started but Thomas and Emily had already parted so she could pass between them.

"See ya!" She called out before rushing out the door.

Thomas continued to stare at me as Emily cleared her throat. "I see something slipped out of your hands?" She motioned to the mess I made and I shrugged before heading to the kitchen to gather supplies to clean up.

There were no paper towels or cleaner under the sink, and I turned to yell for my mom, only to notice my siblings had followed me into the kitchen.

"What?" I snapped. Emily crossed her arms and Thomas shook his head, "I thought we were staying away from Grace."

"_We_ aren't doing anything." I passed by them, already annoyed enough.

"Mom! Where's the cleaner?" I yelled out. "In the box labeled on the stoop!" She answered loudly, before exiting the room once again. This time with a box in her hands.

She followed behind me and we passed Emily and Thomas who only continued to stare. I swung the door open and looked amongst the boxes for some damn 409.

"What was that all about?" My mom mumbled as she placed her box beside the others.

"Give it a rest Mom." I was thisfuckingclose to losing it again, I just wanted to clean up the damn mug and get back to Grace's apartment to speak some more.

"Abel. This isn't safe." Thomas scolded from front door, he was defensively leaned against the door frame and looked down at my mom and me with concern.

I opened my mouth to curse his nosy ass but my mom started before I could, "Leave him be Thomas." She spoke with such sharpness that Thomas couldn't come up with a comeback quick enough before we were back inside.

He trailed behind us with Emily before we all gathered in Jax's bedroom. "Where have you been?" My mom questioned Emily as she had disappeared a little after Grace broke the news to me. She somehow had managed to miss Grace and me standing beside the house, as I got the hose to wash down my puke on the street.

Emily noticeably scrambled for an excuse and right as my mom was about to call her out, Thomas' phone rang. We all looked at him, "Its Dad." With that he exited the room to take the call.

"Emily?" My mom pressed further when her attention returned to my sister's silence.

"I had to go to the uh, shop. Check on some things." Emily didn't make eye contact with our mom and looked to me to save her. "Why was Grace here?" She quickly accused, taking the spotlight off of her.

Dammit Emily.

My mom's harsh eyes then glared at me, "Yes Abel, why?"

I swallowed and then searched for an excuse myself, deciding between a lie and the truth.

"Juice is dead. He's dead." Thomas' shocked voice rang out from the living room just as I was about to spill the beans.

The three of us looked at each other in silent knowing. This was the beginning of something we weren't quite sure of, but we all knew we wanted no part of it. A heavy weight collected in my stomach as I willed myself to go to my brother.

Emily grabbed my mom's hand as we entered the living room that was illuminated by the television.

"Another day, another body. Charming is being struck by recent violence of the deadly kind. One can only imagine what went on to cause this. Serious violence is about to be pictured and viewer discretion is advised." A blonde reporter's suspenseful tone and serious face went out of focus as the image of Juice's bloody and beaten head was placed upon a pitchfork.

There was the nausea again.

None of us moved, not a single breath taken, and I again fought the urge to get sick all over the carpet.

The image quickly disappeared from the screen as the reporter went on to say what they knew, which wasn't much, and Juice's body was not being officially linked to the burnt body that was Michael's.

"Thomas." Was all I could say. We looked at each other and my heart tinged at the terrified look across my little brother's face.

"Someone better clean that up." My mom pulled her hand from Emily's and used it to point at the coffee stain before walking back into the bedroom once again.

"Thomas." Emily copied me, and the three of us stood paralyzed.


	22. Question and Help

**Is this story too Abel/Emily/Thomas related for you guys? Do you want more Tara and Jax or how are your feelings about it?**

**Would anyone be interested in co-authoring?**

Sorry to sike you out with this post and it not being a chapter. I'm just stuck on how to carry on with it and also interested in possibly getting someone on board with me to bring my interest back to this story. I'm so lost and I've completely forgotten what I had originally envisioned for this story.

I have a chapter that will be posted tomorrow. I'm just editing it right now.

Thank you so much for any input you have and sorry again.

Ellabbyxo


	23. Chapter 22

**It's a long one, just a heads up! I figured I was making up for the wait ;) Thank you so much for the support and answering my question. I'll be getting back to some of you. **

**Enjoy xo.**

* * *

My lips formed a tight line as I looked over the paperwork before me. "Little Haven's Nursing Home" read across the packet's title page and I sucked in a deep breath before flipping through it. All the while making mental notes of the information that I needed to research, gather, and what needed to be signed. I ran a frazzled hand through my hair and looked up to my Dad, standing on the other side of my desk with his arms crossed.

"Well?" Jax had handed me several packets but Little Haven's seemed the best. He refused to get Abel or Thomas in on the fact that Gemma was "sick," because he, himself, couldn't accept the news. He couldn't even say the words aloud.

Gemma had advancing Alzheimer's disease and it was coming on fast and heavy. Along with that, the years of smoking were not far behind her and her lungs were being checked later in the day at an oncology appointment. They found a mass in the area when they did x-rays about a week ago.

This was sudden, confusing, and most of all, heartbreaking.

Nobody was aware of all these tests but Jax and I. He hadn't told my mom about it yet because they hadn't been speaking since she got her own place.

"I need to make sure this place is up to date with things and ask around for reviews from other families. Want to make sure she's getting the best." I push my tongue to my cheek, "It's expensive, Dad."

"Yeah, I know." He frowns and snatches the papers from me and begins to thumb through them himself.

"You really should ask Abel." I mumbled quietly.

His head jerked up and he shook his head fervently, "No way. Not yet."

"You can't put this off forever—" I started but his glare made me shut my mouth. I was crossing the line and I knew it. I just felt so bad keeping it all from my siblings. Our lives have been so hectic lately that they haven't even noticed she stopped working around here.

I like the idea of us all getting to be with her while she can still learn about us and remember.

I bit my lip just as Miles walked into the office, he looked at me with sympathetic eyes and then cleared his throat as he shifted his attention to my Dad, "The vote still on for 7:30?"

My eyes went to the clock that read 6:00. A panic arose in me, "A vote for what?" I asked.

They both looked at me and then back to each other, "Yeah." Jax nodded and then slid the papers back into the folder they were in.

"Vote for what?" I repeated myself and again got no answer.

"Em, call your mother and ask her to swing by the house tonight. I'll make sure to be there too. You mind getting dinner for us all?" Jax tried to redirect me but I just furrowed my brows.

"Let it go Emily." He pushed back and I sighed, "What about Abel? I'm working."

"Jesus, Emily, just look the stuff up, get your mom and brothers, and we'll talk later. I have stuff to take care of." He huffed out of the office and nearly ran Miles over. I looked to him in annoyance and he just shrugged, offering no comfort.

"I have work to do." I snapped at him and Miles made a face. "Well geesh, sorry."

Immediately, I felt guilty and gave him a smile, "Sorry, just stressed out with all this Gemma stuff. Nobody else knows."

"Still?" He raised his eyebrows and shoved his hands into his pockets. I nodded and looked away. I felt shitty enough, I didn't need him pressuring me into spreading the news.

"Should I tell Thomas? That way he knows but it can't be blamed on you?" Miles' sweetly offered and my only response was to chew my lip. I wanted the end result but I didn't want for Miles to get in any sort of trouble.

"Don't chew that lip," Miles' eyes darkened and he crossed the room to stand before me in front of my desk. I licked my lips slowly and rose to give him a sweet smile, "I think I'm good Miles. Thank you."

Miles reached over and grabbed my hand to give it a squeeze, causing me to giggle. He gave me a smile in return before his face fell. "They've traced Juice back to us and to his illegal activities. Cops are going to start swarming by tonight is my guess."

My breath caught in my throat at the mention of Juice's name and I visibly froze up. "Wh-what does that mean?"

Miles' shoulders dropped and he passed the desk to gather me up in his arms. "It means that I need you need to stay far away from here." He whispered cautiously into my ear. I shoved my head into his chest and his grip around me tightened, "We all need you too." This blatant reference to my brother and father made a weight drop from my heart to my stomach. "You'll be safe. You know that." He further reassured me. And I believed him because his arms were already doing the trick.

"Hey Em-," Thomas' voice called into the office as he waltzed in, but he froze as we abruptly tore apart, "What the _fuck_?" Thomas exasperated.

My mouth mimicked a trout as it opened and closed, repeatedly, too overwhelmed with shock to find my words. Miles stepped forward and Thomas mimicked him.

"Gemma has Alzheimer's." Miles blurted and my mouth gaped open once again. Thomas looked between the two of us and then shook his head. "No, no. That can't be…no." Thomas' eyes grew soft and he finally looked at me. "Em?"

All I could do was nod, and the familiar lump rose to my throat as I fought the urge to burst into tears. "I'm sorry. I was going to—" I started but Thomas just pushed Miles aside to hug me. I took a moment to return the gesture as the initial shock wore off.

Shit.

Not only has I spilt the beans but my brother was bound to call us out once more once this spurt of sorrow became a dull ache.

"Thomas, I'm so sorry." I whispered the secret double meaning and squeezed him. I could feel his body stiffen as he also, tried not to lose his shit in the office.

Thomas had been around Gemma for years and had actually gotten to know her. I didn't know which situation was sadder. I guess it was sad to even compare the two, but my heart swelled with sadness as my big brother's world continued to fall apart.

Thomas pulled away just as quickly as he pulled me in and spun on his heels to get in Miles' face, "She doesn't need any hugs from _you_."

"Thomas!" I scolded but he looked over his shoulder to glare at me and then back to Miles' to drive the point home. As he exited the room, I yelled after him, "Go to Jax's for dinner!"

"Can't. Vote tonight." Thomas kept on leaving, so I chased after him, entering the garage with him. "Vote for what?" I felt like a puppy as I quickened my step to keep up with his long strides.

We weaved through the cars and mechanics to make our way outside the shop, into the humid heat of the evening. "Thomas!" I called again, causing him to abruptly stop and snap, "What!"

I grabbed his arm, "A vote for what?" I searched him for an answer, for a pause, anything that could give me a hint of what was about to happen.

"Emily," Thomas sort of smiled, like he knew that I knew that I could get an answer from him, "I'm scared." His honest answer shook me and I stumbled to find my words once more.

"I can't right now okay? This news about Gemma, they're tracing bodies back here, and Mom is ignoring Dad." He continued as he stared off into the distance.

"Ignoring him?" Even I was annoyed at the shock in my voice and Thomas nodded sadly. "I can't Emily, not right now."

"But, Dad wants us at his house tonight for dinner." This conversation reminded me of us when we were little, me begging to be around him. Thomas was always much more willing to hang out with me than Abel ever was.

"How? The vote's at 7:30…" Thomas stopped himself when he realized he brought the subject back up.

"Thomas, please! Please, please, please, pleeeeease!" I jokingly pleaded like a child and he smiled a familiar smirk, a little glimpse at the old Thomas.

The bad feeling returned to my gut and I bit my lip as he opened his mouth, "We're voting on presidency. Me or Dad."

"Thomas!" My eyes grew wide and Thomas shook his head, "And your little friend in there isn't going to vote for me."

I chose not to comment on the Miles matter and just gave him a sad look. "I'll be at Jax's after this. Call mom." Thomas kissed my head and walked away as I shouted goodbye to him. Where ever he was headed, I didn't have a clue. But I spun around to look at Miles' walking my way.

"You're not voting for him?" I asked incredulously.

How dare he? Thomas' best friend! He knew what this meant to him.

"It's not what you think, Em." Miles nagged.

"So explain it. I'm not a child." I crossed my arms and I felt Miles' annoyance grow. "It's not so easy Emily. This is a shit show."

I began to walk away when he called out after me, "Hey! Em!" I scowled at him and spat, "Tell me!"

"Your brother being president would mean that I'm vice president. Means that I would be out at all hours of the night, doing more dangerous things…" Miles stopped his rambling to meet my worried glance.

All hours of the night? He did that already. "Miles, you can't not vote for him. He's your best friend."

"I can't sleep with his little sister either, yet here I am." Miles looked toward me bitterly before crossing his arms.

"How is this _my_ fault?" I snapped, a heaviness growing in my heart. "You're the one who kissed me first! You're the one who went out of your way! This wasn't me at all."

"Emily!" Miles yelled. I jumped at the sound of his raised voice. Miles stepped closer to me, "You don't think I fucking know that? You don't think I feel sick to my stomach every time I wake up with you in my arms? Every time I'm inside you. _My best friend's little sister_. I already fucking know what I've done. There's no need to remind me."

"Then why don't you stop?" The angry words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Because I can't." Miles stepped back, "I won't."

The roar of motorcycles rang in my ears, and both of us looked up to see everyone's presence. Quickly, I began to walk back into the office but not without hearing Miles discreetly trying to call out my name.

"Emily! Emily! Emily!" Miles called over and over as I kept on my walk back to the office.

When I entered the office, I didn't allow myself to ponder. I didn't have the luxury of time to feel what I was feeling. I needed to call my mother, brother, Little Haven, and wait to see who would become president.

On top of that, the phone was ringing.

"Hello this is Teller-Morrow Auto Repair, Emily speaking, how may I help you?"

And so it goes.

**Tara POV**

My scrubs clung to my sticky skin, sheen with a layer of sweat from the combination of heat, a hard day's work, and nervousness. Today I preformed two surgeries on children with successful outcomes. Usually, I'd go home, have a drink, and make myself a celebratory meal. But that was in Oregon and since being at St. Thomas, it was usually just pretty basic procedures.

St. Thomas was an old sweater. Comfortable, worn in, but nothing exciting. Much like the town of Charming itself.

Mary, the head hancho in charge, hadn't been on my case as much lately and she didn't even lead on that she suspected me of anything to do with the body in the parking lot. The whole staff had to go to counseling for it though. A bunch of circle time, feelings and bullshit. I also think she backed off due to Jax's and the Son's absence. Jax and I had fought too much about whether it was "necessary" for me to have round the clock babysitters.

I stabbed a knife through a fuckin' skull, I had insisted, I could take care of myself pretty damn well.

My new apartment was just that: brand new. It was recently built with fingerprint recognition for entrance, along with my very own parking spot. My fingerprint and my children's were all saved. But not Jax Teller's.

I was not giving him easy access into what I was trying to make a home.

I had rushed things. _We_ had rushed things. I came back to follow my children and protect them and ended up getting us all into deep shit. Maybe that was why I was keeping away.

In actuality, I was just denying the guilt eating at me for never visiting him when he was locked up. For keeping our children from him. Emily.

I chewed at my fingernail as I made my way up to the ever familiar front porch of Jax's home. Our old one. It was as foreign as it was familiar. We didn't buy it together, but we made a family in it. And being back for the first time since moving out made me feel uneasy all day.

It was a little after 8:00 and starvation was causing a pit in my stomach, along with the anxiety of what was to come. Another little family pow wow on how to cover up my mistakes, probably. _My illegal mistakes_.

I shuddered before ringing the doorbell, and there was Emily and Abel opening the door. Abel was clutching a bowl right up under his chin, spaghetti pooling out of his mouth as he grinned at me. "Hey mom!" Emily smiled and I gave a meek smile in return before giving Abel a jokingly grossed out look.

Emily looked up to him and grimaced, "Gross! Abel!" She swatted at him and he dodged it with a snicker. "Sorry! I'm starving. We're not Europeans, who eats at 8:00 in real life?" He whined.

I laughed as I pushed past them towards the kitchen. The smell of spaghetti flooded my nose and a calmness settled in the air. Maybe if we just faked like this was all normal, it would be. Fake it 'til you make it, right?

Emily rambled on about her day at work and Abel continued to shovel noodles into his mouth when I joined them at the kitchen table with my own meal.

"What about Miles?" Abel gave her a teasing smile and Emily glared back at him, as if I didn't know already and spoken with her about it.

"What about Grace?" Emily retorted and Abel's face fell.

"What about it?" There was something being kept from me, I knew it. I figured after the whole shattering the mug thing and the discovery of a dead Juice's body, he would fill me in on what had happened while I was packing my things up.

"Emily—" Abel rolled his eyes.

"It's not like she won't find out in a few months." Emily nagged.

An icy freeze crawled up my spine. I already knew what.

"Grace is…pregnant." Abel couldn't look me in the eye. My face soured as my heart sank.

Shit.

"Is that why we're having this meal?" I looked between them but Abel looked to Emily.

"No." She looked at her plate also.

"Why?" I changed my tone that demanded both of their attention of which I was granted.

"They're voting on the club president." Emily chewed at her lip and the pit in my stomach that the spaghetti and my children's company had filled, was empty once more.

I froze. Every fiber of my being wanted me to march right into that club house and get Jax and Thomas the hell out of there. After a few moments of silence, I gathered myself and decided the best plan of action was to remain calm and level headed for my kids' sake. Lately, I hadn't been very good at that.

"What time was church called at?" I began picking at my meal once more, but my appetite had diminished.

"7:30." Abel quipped and began shoveling away once more.

"Is Miles in the running?" I asked Emily but Abel answered darkly, "You know who is, Mom."

I nodded but I was oddly comforted that maybe Emily wasn't bound to make my mistakes.

That was my biggest fear in all of this. Yes there was immediate danger for my children and that terrifies me also. But the idea of them making the choice that their father and I have was a burden to great to bare.

The front door opened slowly as the rest of the family crept in to join us. My heart race quickened, my throat thick, as we all lifted our heads to meet them.

Thomas and Jax looked defeated and exhausted but it must've been a quick meeting, especially for a vote. It was only just a bit before 8:30.

"So?" Abel looked like an anxious puppy.

"It's me." Jax said grimly, staring right at me.

Emily gasped and my eyes went wide in…fear? Surprise? Both? I looked to Thomas, sad and ashamed looking.

"Baby," I started but Jax shook his head as he took a seat next to Emily and across from me. "Don't."

"Who's VP?" Emily asked, I think both of us were silently praying that it wasn't Miles.

"Opie." Jax sighed. Donna would not like that, I closed my eyes and imagined the hurt look on her face when he came home to tell her. She never got used to this life, I don't think any of us ever did or ever will, but she just refused to believe that Opie was who he was. What my husband was. What my son was. What _I_ was.

A murderer.

A criminal.

"Sargent?" I asked quietly, looking to Thomas once more.

"Miles." Thomas glared at Emily.

"I'm so sorry." I blurted out to no one in particular.

"I bet you are, Mom." Thomas spat.

"Hey, hey!" Abel rose up from beside me and Jax snapped at him to return to his seat. "That's enough of that!" Jax commanded.

"You're going to let your son speak to the woman you love like that?" Abel glared back at him.

"Not now, Abel. Quit it." Jax pushed.

Love.

I looked at Jax with soft, sympathetic eyes. I can't believe he was actually President. A sickness overwhelmed me and my eyes grew blurry with tears. No matter what the result of that vote, either way I couldn't have won.

"Why Miles?" Emily's soft voice whispered.

"Why not?" Thomas snapped again.

"Baby," I said once more, reached my hand out to his in comfort. He squeezed my hand before yanking it away.

Does he know?

I looked to Emily and her face was level, but I could read into her and see that she was thinking the same thing.

"Why don't you give him a call?" Thomas walked over beside her but Jax jolted up to get between them, "Or better yet, go fuck him and make it better?" Thomas yelled over Jax's figure, who was holding him back as he attempted to flip the kitchen table over.

We all jumped up and Emily's hands flew to cover her mouth.

Thomas spun around and stormed out of the house. "Thomas Jackson!" I screamed after him, chasing him out to the front yard.

He was crying, tears falling fluidly down his anguished face, "How could they Mom? How could they?"

I gathered him into my arms, my sweet boy, and clung to him. "Oh honey," I cradled him close as my heart broke for his hurt.

"How could he?" He sobbed, "How can I n-not b-b-be President. How could he get w-w-with my little sister!" He screamed and I just held tight.

I hadn't seen him like this since…ever.

Thomas. My happy-go-lucky, class clown. Always smiling, joking, and standing up for himself. Since arriving here, he was nothing like I remembered. Nothing like the boy I had raised.

"Thomas," Emily whimpered beside us, causing him to yank away.

"Fuck off!" He wiped furiously at his face and backed away. "Thomas," I kept my arms open.

"This is why you can't be President. This is why no one voted for you. You crack under pressure. You're doing it now! Acting so impulsively—" Jax yelled from the front door but shut up when I shot him a glare.

"You shut up!" I screamed at him, jabbing my finger in his direction.

"Thomas, don't go!" Emily cried as Thomas started up his motorcycle and sped off.

She melted onto the front lawn, sobs wracking her small frame. I turned to look at Jax, his face unreadable, unrecognizable. Abel jogged up and sat beside Emily, holding onto her as she continued to cry.

All I could do was stare at Jackson Teller as he stared at our kids.

"Jax," My voice broke, I hadn't realized that I was crying too. Crying for my children, for me, for him, for the worry and fear as our world started crumbling once more.

He jerked his face towards me and then came running, he ran up and wrapped his arms around me and whispered, "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry,"

So sorry.


	24. Chapter 23 Apology

Chapter 23 redo:

The last chapter I posted was lazy and rushed and not planned well enough. Re-reading it was painful.

It sucked haha.

Thanks for the support I'm working on a revision that I'll post tonight.


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